Much of who I am has been lost much of my life.

Many of you may feel this, I do.

It doesn’t mean we have done nothing with our life, but it can mean much of what we have done in life, work and love has occurred more because of the belief systems we were brought up in: what others made us believe about ourselves and who we are.   With this understanding I wonder how many of us actually follow our true desires and passions? Or are we following what others expect of us or what we feel is responsible, sensible? Or even what reflects our own lack of self worth or an inability to break away from cultural and social expectations? In fact there can be a huge self deception or denial that this has happened: we are so used to be “other” me we forget to even question who we are. I started writing this weeks ago and it has taken time for me to feel what it is I actually want to write as I have a myriad of emotions attached to these thoughts and the journey of self discovery continues.

I have known for years I wasn’t who I really am, but have felt lost in the search, apathetic and despairing at times as I listened to voices in my head saying I wasn’t worth the effort. When this picture popped up on Facebook a while ago: it grabbed my attention and I never did read any of the words that came with it, as just looking at it, feeling what it meant for me was enough. It sent me into hours of feeling grief: a deep sadness that I didn’t know who I was. I stared at the beautiful lady, an artist’s creation, but asleep and unaware that she was a work in progress. She was alive, but not living. Yet the artist continued to paint, to bring her more alive: maybe one day she would notice and wake from her dreams to dance across the canvas. Maybe one day I will, I thought…or maybe today…

The start is to see yourself as you are now: warts and all

Then, remember that the real you exists somewhere, as God created you – beneath the hurt and the facade.

I have been seeking answers about myself for a long time and bits of therapy helped; some books helped; tried many things. But the Divine Truth teachings hit another level. It gives the complete picture, but now it’s up to me to use what I have been learning – though I don’t find it easy because it’s a lot about feelings and I am very out of practice in surrendering to how I really feel. But emotions are us, they are our energy and a big part of our soul.

If you want to know more about this big picture that I am talking about listen here. There are 4 parts to this video so after you’ve clicked on this one you should find the rest. If not go to Divine Truth Channel on YouTube and the Secrets of the Universe videos are at the top. Recommended to watch first.

We are the artists of ourselves and God provides the canvas……….. layer by layer, brushstroke by brushstroke……. co-creating…

Maxine Bell

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