Today I am going to share a poem Robby wrote a few weeks ago. It is beautifully written and sincere. Like me he has written from a feeling and then let it evolve. When I saw it I was moved by it and the look on his face. Both of have issues of self worth from our childhoods that have spilled out into our adult lives and our subsequent actions from that wounded space: we weren’t really made to feel we had any passions or desires, like alot of us….very sad.
But, I also had another emotion come up… “Oh no this is a good poem, but I am the writer…. I am not good at much, but writing I am ok at. It took me 30 years to even admit to anyone I had this passion and now my soulmate is writing well. I am disappearing again….agh I am not good enough” Panic! A huge fear came up, I felt threatened. What an unloving thing to feel about your soul mate. One minute I was moved and proud of him, the next I was caught up in my own fears which have led me to conveniently forget to post this until now. Yukky stuff, yes? Often we can admit how unloving we are to ourselves in our injuries, but less easily how we can be unloving to others. My fear of being nothing, my belief I will never be good enough made me unloving to the other half of me! 😦 Robby and I have experienced this so many times, when our addictions and fears hurt the other. To be truthful about is painful and shameful. So much of the narrow path yet to walk… but a blessed path it is too.
So tonight, I finally had some humility and thought “Deal with your insecurities Maxine! Just feel it and don’t project it out or avoid it and POST the poem!” In fact I know that God’s law of attraction will gift me the opportunity to feel even more if I do and for Robby to a chance to receive and share.
Sorry hun it has taken me so long….. Here is your wonderful poem, the rawness of your heart:
BEING A SLAVE
I don’t deserve the way I feel
Being, wondering, searching in the mists: it feels so surreal.
Everything around me feels and looks the same,
Pounding and beating myself, I have no-one to blame.
Why does it hurt when I feel ashamed.
Ashamed about the darkness running through my veins.
Bitterness, revenge, hatred, all being so cruel,
I just need to feel these feelings, like there are no rules.
Please, please, please hear me if you are there,
Please notice that I am in real despair.
All I see is darkness, I need a way out,
I don’t even know who is listening, while I scream and shout.
I scream, I shout, til I can no more,
Holding onto anger, falling, crying on the floor.
Howling, crying, releasing those tears.
I don’t know what is happening, not feeling any fears.
This my child, is where I exist.
You will find me there, when you stop resist.
I am here for you in all my glory,
I am here for you to tell you my story.
Feel, play, dance and know it’s safe,
Free your emotions, don’t be a slave.
Free yourself from all your restrictions,
Observe yourself when you are acting out addictions.
Take the time to admit the truth,
Your fears are stopping you, from experiencing my truth.
I tell you, my child, it is ok to feel,
Experiencing my love, notice I am real.
Now go on my child and experience life.
Go on my child and remember it’s safe
To free yourself, from being a slave.
I never heard a voice so sweet.
Caring, loving, not stamping his feet.
I never felt a love so pure,
Knowing that love, being my cure.
I wiped my tears, feeling loved and seen.
I wiped my tears, feeling blessed and serene.
Standing straight, facing myself
No more despair, accepting myself.
For the wounded child I became,
Feeling and knowing I don’t have to live in shame.
Step by step, day by day.
I ask God to guide me on my way.
Trusting God will always be there,
When I feel moments of total despair.