I am starting to feel the sin of being on my own.
I keep seeing this same advert and there was something about it that really struck me. It is a perfume advert and a man and a woman* are a long distance away from each other and they travel towards each other in a futuristic way. When they arrive at the place they meet they look at each other and they look like the male and female version of each other and it struck me that is how it meant to be – two of us, not just one. I am not just one, I am the other half of the other half of my soul and being alone as I am currently isn’t normal… it feels as if I am going against my own design. So why do I choose that?
Mostly addictions, fear and avoidance of sadness:
I feel safer. I can protect my heart and my body, or so I believe, this way.
I can control my life and do what I want or be confronted with another’s opinion or demand.
I don’t have to “lose myself” to someone else.
There is no one making constant demands on me.
Love for me means someone is going to take and drain me. I don’t feel Love is a gift, I feel it as a threat to my very existence.
I can be selfish and live in my comfort zones.
I can avoid my anger, fear, shame and grief about men, relationships, sex and intimacy.
I can avoid the issues I have with trusting anyone.
I can avoid my terror.
I can avoid the causal emotions that are connected to my parents and the truth of the harm they caused.
I avoid the truth of events that have happened to me, particularly the things that happened in my childhood.
I don’t have to fully face the harm I have done to others in my emotionally injured state.
Therefore I don’t want to forgive or repent.
I want to hold onto my false beliefs and addictions and avoid my emotional pain.
God has been showing me a number of things lately in relation to my sexual injuries, so the help is there and maybe I have a small desire to know this and heal it. So I am glad that I felt that when I saw that advert and I love that these small things, especially when we notice them matter: everything matters. We are being so shown so much every day.
I do get lonely, but that can be an addiction too – wanting someone else to stop us feeing alone or unloved and I am aware that even as a child I felt very alone and very different and odd from my family and the world at times: invisible, shamed,used.
I currently see it as the easy option to be single – but a half lived one. I can feel that something is missing and that by choosing to be on my own, to not deal with the blocks to being in a relationship, I am missing out on a gift and a way of being that is my natural state.
Sin, is missing the mark of Love: being single is missing the mark of love because we are refusing that gift, rejecting that natural state – of being with the one person God made us to be with – the other half of ourselves and the potential that offers.
I am starting to see the sin of being on my own.
Resources in relation to this topic:
The Secrets of the Universe talks on the Divine Truth channel also has some information.
There is even more information on partnership relationships on the Divine Truth FAQ channel on youtube as well as other talks on both these channels that are relevant.
*Soulmate relationships are heterosexual or homosexual.