PROCESSING EMOTIONS FLOWCHART

Hi all,

As a reminder and encouragement to myself I created a chart, which you saw a rough draft of in my vlog a few weeks ago. I have now transfered that information to a PDF, which I am sharing in case of any you might find it useful.

I have discovered another elephant in the room lately: lack of humility. I want to write more about that and addictions in the future, but in the meantime made this, which I have pinned on a window I face every day.

The information is all from Divine Truth seminars on YouTube and the side text boxes are all quotes from Jesus and Mary from talks on denial, addiction and fear in 2012 in the USA. I found creating this actually a lovely thing to do especially as you see the contrast between the top of the chart to the bottom: from unlovingness to lovingness; from spiritual blindness to spiritual sight; from complete lack of self knowledge to self knowledge and self-love (including the other half of our soul) and from no relationship with God to a relationship with God, our true parent.

Thank you to Mary and Jesus for sharing this beautiful process with us all.

EMOTIONAL PROCESS FLOWCHART.2020.MB

 

A Light Brighter than the Sun

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A light is growing in this world,

Brighter than the sun.

So bright it will blind us for a time.

We will run in fear and panic,

For its light is an x ray of our souls

Where dark patches exposed,

We will bleed.

 

But this light is not here to burn us

Only to show us

Our sickness,

For it comes with the cure

That’s complete and whole,

Carried on the wings of Grace

And Mercy.

 

The light came once before

But we squinted and twisted its glare,

With glasses too shady

We distorted its truth

And dimmed it luminosity

To suite our view.

 

But this light is eternal

And returns once more to us

But brings with it

Others who carry the same torch

Of  deep and real Love.

They are all a well spring

Connected to the heart of God

 

And as these words reach this page,

Others follow the path

That illuminates their souls

And builds a tsunami

Of the like, never seen before.

That will crash over

The destruction we have already wrought.

 

We are a shattered picture of many loose threads

In painful tangles and knots

That only Great Love can undo.

So not just one greater-than- sun is coming

There are more on their way.

Because we have hit a wall of disaster

And God says no more.

The laws are in play,

As they always have been

Where Love rules supreme, however its seemed.

 

Know there is more to this scene

Than we care, or anticipate.

Because death has no power

It’s just big change:

On a wave of Love,

Calling us home ALL,

Ourselves to become lights brighter than the sun.

 

Our God wants a future of happiness for all

He has let us play freely,

But we’ve hit a wall

And the creatures of this earth need protecting

The innocent claimed.

There is hell,

But no damnation,

Only a ladder to climb

From the darkness,

To shadow,

And then into light.

 

For a time,

It will feel as if this ship is sinking

And we’re all on board.

But it’s a storm –

A strong wake up call.

Not a punishment:

A consequence of ‘lack of love’ in all.

 

A bumpy, cold road to start with

So unfamiliar it will be

We’ll need to perservere.

Until  we start to feel the warmth

A glimmer, than a shaft

Until we are immersed

In its glow: the light of the Way

Down on our knees,

“Not our way, Yours.”

 

This surrender is our freedom,

Our flight and our joy.

This surrender is true power

As we put down the heavy burdens

Of our sin –

To a future

As yet unknown

Til we radiate our souls

A scan of our potential,

To all we can be.

 

God has faith in His children

He knows who we are.

 

A light is growing, brighter than the sun,

It’s heat is upon us,

A burning fire of Love.

 

A light is coming, it’s almost here

If you listen you’ll hear its whisper

Turn into a song,

A choir of angels

Welcoming this One.

 

@Maxine Bell 2020

John 16:8: “When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment”

THROUGH GOD’S EYES…

 

I am finding doors in me opening at the moment from my desire to know the real me, the epiphany of what I was trying to skip over (addictions) and my conversations with God. Being on my own in this lockdown status we are in, I find myself chatting to God and I want to. I am not sure all of it is interesting and sometimes I just mumble away about day to day stuff, or involve Her in the moments when I am laughing at something silly I may have done or said ( apparently I find myself quite funny at times!) and other times it is a deeper discussion and prayer.

I think I mentioned in the vlog I made, that what has echoed in my heart since I was in Australia with the Gods Way team, was their desire to know and be with the real Maxine, not the armour coated, fearful facade I live in; not the “good girl” facade or any other faces I wear to not feel exposed (in case I am all bad), judged, humiliated, attacked or disliked.

Of course, if we live in facade we cannot have a real relationship because no one gets the real us: this blocks intimacy and real love, the chance to attract our soulmate.  This is also particularly true in our relationship with God. One of God’s attributes is Truth and a facade is a lie – a false self full of addictions, oppressing and suppressing the hurt child and our real self.

So I came back with a curiosity for my Self, which of course though I never thought of it at the time, a challenge to my facade.

I started off my search for me by looking at some old photos of myself as a child, digging into memories of what I was like; what I felt; where my imagination took me; what I loved to do. It was about recalling other things beside the more traumatic or upsetting things. I have a lot of blanks anyway, but it was good to tune into other memories, though some of them had sadness attached too. I am aware that our facades get created at a very young age often by our parent’s lack of acceptance of the real us, their expectations and also to protect ourselves, so this is not a perfect system, but it was a few steps into places in me I had not been for 40 years.

A few dots were joined and some consistent passions of mine: nature and outdoors, writing, learning, words and language, performance, dance and singing, even logic. I still have this curiosity about people, life, the world, spirituality, the extra-ordinary. I even remember some spirits I used to see and talk with: good and bad…the mediumship is still here now. A lot of this, has lied dormant for much of my life through fear, lack of confidence and worth, a kind of social anxiety/imposter syndrome and other injuries. It’s like holding your breath: living in facade – a lack of oxygen and movement, a painful shrinking you don’t even know is happening.

I have dealt with these negative feeling by continuing the shame and blaming of my childhood: in an almost endless cycle of self-judgement, perfectionism, and self harm which has become an addiction in itself. Mary talks about this in many different seminars and on her blog. It feels easier to bash yourself before others do; easier to judge yourself rather than feel the pain of what your parents truly felt about you and how you were treated.

I have improved in this area, but it is a snake so you have to watch it, it sneaks in in the blink of an eye. But I found something really helpful two months ago: something I have heard before, from Jesus, but this time it hit my heart – we need to see ourselves though God’s eyes. Now previously, I interpreted that at looking at all my sin – and doing so is very painful, but what I have been doing is judging myself, falling into that addiction and blocking the actual emotions I need to feel. In fact, that is what the addiction is all about of course – avoidance of the truth and the experience of the emotions you really need to feel.

However, Jesus said ( it was one of the seminars in Greece 2012) that God sees our sin of course and wants us to correct it, but God also sees the pristine real self She created: her child each one of us as we are meant to be with all the potential to be much more of ourselves too.

God is compassionate and firm about our sin, but he is also clear about loving us and wanting us to know our real selves as He does.

So there it was: God sees the real me – now! Not in the future ( though I’m sure He has visions of all my potential futures), but now and that is what I needed to see: myself as God’s see me.  I am guessing that my curiosity and seeking for the real me opened the door to hear this vital, beautiful piece of information with my heart this time and I got really excited. I still am.

This week I started to list my addictions and I am only up to number 54 at the moment and the lockdown is challenging some of them already and I know this addiction stuff is going to be harder than I even realise right now, but through all that I have to embrace the full truth of what God’s sees.

I have a lot of sadness of who I have become, but I now have an anticipation of who I really am. I am not my injuries. Jesus uses the analogy of mud: yes, I have a lot of mud stuck to me and it’s up to me to get it off, but by engaging God in the process, by acknowledging God’s full vision of me, I am in a more honest place.

In there is still that loving, gentle, blunt, curious, interested, creative, playful, cheeky child and there is so much more to find. Who am I? Who can I become? What are my true passions? What are the gifts God gave me to share with the world? To contribute?What life will I lead as the real me?

And let’s not forget, I am only one half of my soul: God sees my whole soul and when I know myself, I will have a much greater chance of recognising my soulmate. I have a much greater chance of being in the two most important relationships of my life: firstly, with God and secondly my soul mate. For a long time I have had little real interest in either, but then I have had no interest in myself.

I know I have a mountain to climb, and God wants to help if I let him , but looking at myself with a fuller vision as God does shines a light on that mountain. It would be wrong to even try to be on God’s way without wanting to find the real me and that is Love.

To end, I remembered there is a really fun, but relevant song from Disney’s Prince of Egypt, called Through Heaven’s Eyes. I have uploaded the video from YouTube for you and I will put the lyrics below as it is great to sing (and dance) to. It is interesting as the lyrics about being the thread of a tapestry tie in with my creation story analogy: The Great Seamstress ( 20170122 blog).

It is a song full of life, truth and celebration. Enjoy

M x

Lyrics: Through Heaven’s Eyes

A single thread in a tapestry
Though its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design
And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain’s mighty face
Does it think it’s more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life
Look at your life through Heaven’s eyes

[ENSEMBLE]
Ai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Ai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai

Ai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Ai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai

A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king
If a man lose ev’rything he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man?
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through Heaven’s eyes

And that’s why we share all we have with you
Though there’s little to be found
When all you’ve got is nothing
There’s a lot to go around
No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance
And though you never know all the steps
You must learn to join the dance
You must learn to join the dance

Ai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai-la-lai

Ai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai-la-lai

Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai
Lai-le-lai-lai
Lai-lai-lai-lai

So how do you judge what a man is worth?
By what he builds or buys?

You can never see with your eyes on Earth
Look through Heaven’s eyes
Look at your life, look at your life
Look at your life through Heaven’s eyes.

(Song by Brian Stokes Mitchell from the original soundtrack of Prince of Egypt)