IF I STOP

If I stop,

Will loneliness’s grey swirl

around and through me,

until it has me?

If I stop,

will my rage rise

In voraciousness

where I am bad:

No longer ‘good?’

If I stop,

what dark shadows

will fill the space

where distraction

was?

If I stop,

I’m afraid the

devil in me will

be all there is.

If I stop,

will insanity come

and pull me down

into its murky

pit?

If I stop,

will there be a silence

so loud it

shatters me?

If I stop,

I will lose my grip

on the few things

I think

I have.

If I stop,

who will I be?

I only know myself

as Doing.

If I stop,

will God be there?

My footprints

in the sand?

Or will He abandon me,

like them?

If I stop

I fear the empty

wilderness:

the hauntings

of my heart,

that will come.

If I stop,

will I be free?

By Maxine 01.01.21

**All images from Pixabay