When the blue sky doesn’t appear

for days on end,

you feel blue.

The gloom can suck your spirit

or close in on you.

You long for a just a glimpse

of sunlight and sky,

beyond cloud and cloud and cloud.

I want to reach up

and push them aside with all my muster –

reach for the light.

Where is the light?

Please God, give me the light,

for I can no longer

stand this crowding of clouds:

this feeling of oppression

and restriction.

The world looks almost dead under cloud

in winter- this long winter.

The trees, just dark shadows on the horizon:

their branches knarly, black tangles.

Grass faded and trodden down.

No rainbow coloured flower display.

The river is brown and murky:

no reflection or glimmer or sparkle

of sunlight.

Do you, like me, yearn for the blue skies again?

The deep reflection on water

And sunlight to bathe in?

Do you feel that we are the clouds right now?

Creating our own prison, our own pain –

limiting our lives

with our lack of love,

our hate, our fear, our prejudice.

Spitting out our anger and judgement

to those that disagree with our point of view.

Do you see that we are the blanket of our own gloom

with our addicted, entitled lives?

These ‘comforts’ that help us deceive ourselves

all is well really.

A sad acceptance or apathy,

“It’s just life –

it’s tough sometimes.”

“It’s just human nature”

-to be bad or sad or lost.

What crazy insanity is that?

To live in the grey clouds of our fears

and limiting beliefs.

This surrender to apathy, powerlessness

and lack of faith –

as if the blue sky even exists.

Yes it always does.

It’s always there behind the clouds.

And so with us – more to discover

and always light to find.

But we have to choose,

to reach up with all our muster,

we have to be the ones

that push the clouds aside

and clean the darkness from our own souls.

We are responsible for what we choose

to do or not to do.

Just human nature?

We have lived in that false belief, that trap

for too long.

We have continued to be our own destruction

for so long.

We have forgotten who we are

and who we could be:

the greatest of all God’s creation

-her children.

Complex, emotional souls

with the ability to grow and expand.

But we have not yet even tried

to truly push the clouds aside.

We have not been brave enough,

truthful enough or loving enough.

We have fallen for our own lies

of the story of ourselves.

We have not treated each other equally

or rightly.

We have disregarded that no tree

ever stands alone or survives alone.

The tree needs the soil, the water,

the air, the insects and birds

and all the creatures that live in and from it.

The tree is every changing, recycling,

regenerating and adapting: never static.

We too are an ecosystem

A family of human souls.

No matter where we were born on earth:

we are brothers and sisters

and to refuse change is to go against

everything natural in the universe.

We have tried our way for millenia:

we have lived under the clouded, crowded sky

that is not real for too long.

The real sky is beyond those clouds,

but we have refused to look.

So will we contine as we have done

until we have destroyed our home and each other?

Or will we reach for more?

I am tired, exhausted from my own gloom –

this limited, frightened me.

I want to know the sky –

the blue, the light.

I want to feel the power of the sun.

I want to try another way.

I want to try faith –

the certain feeling that

there is a better way

because God IS good.

Faith that creates courage,

commitment and perseverance.

Faith that holds hands with

Truth and Love.

But first, I admit my way hasn’t worked

That I know nothing

and must unlearn all I thought I knew.

All I thought I knew about Love,

especially.

We’ve travelled the left fork

and it is taking us to a life-threatening precipice

so let’s turn back and try the right fork.

The one that lead to the True blue,

bright sky of limitless possibilities –

with more kindness, more compassion,

more Love,

more Truth.

Far from this long winter,

with clouds of fear and denial.

It is the end of times

because it is time for the end

of the road so far travelled.

It is time to see the clouds

for what they are

and reach for more.

To step into the unknown…

@Maxine Bell 2021

Change keeps popping up lately – looking at my own resistance to change and yet a slow growing desire for change ( it varies in different areas – stronger desire for some things than others), but also accepting God’s truth that change is good – God loves it and in fact God’s Way offers us infinite change. So I notice as I start moving from complete resistance, to the battle of my soul bit ( old vs new) this is a fragile time when we can easily fall back into old ways and we will do, if we don’t change the emotions driving the fear of change or other reasons we don’t change.

I have fallen into this trap many times and you really have to pay attention and continue to grow your desire, find your motivations and always examine God’s Truth on the matter. I find asking what God’s Truth on the matter really helps me face more personal truth and get more honest with myself even if that is admitting I am in a middle of a tantrum at the time. I’ve had a number of tantrums about change! So if you are struggling with change – look at your life honestly and how your feel about it, look even at the world and your contribution to it’s problems by your lack of change, look at your investments in not changing and the excuses you come up with and for me this has helped me start to grow some desire to change myself and to hear God’s Truth on the matter – thank you to Jesus and Mary’s teachings for help on that. God’s Truth is such a contrast to my own beliefs, so it can feel confronting – but that is the point too, but it can also feel like a relief.

I just wanted to add something that has been a block for me – a big addiction to wanting others change first and/or with me. I haven’t wanted to take full responsibility for my choices and avoid feeling alone.

Thank you for the images given freely by photographers on Pixaby

Image 1 by Thomas Ulrich

Image 2 by PublicDomainPIctures

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