It is very nearly five years since I got the all clear from cervical cancer and that, as well as Lena’s passing from the same disease and Mary’s blog about Lena, has led to some personal reflections recently – some of which I have made into a video. Five years ago, I made a video called Emotions and Myths about Cancer and posted it on YouTube. I took it down after a couple of years as I felt very exposed in it, I had just had surgery and it is not great quality – it is raw, rough and ready and the sound not great, but I have reposted it recently, along with an update in the hope it will help others, along with what I write here today.
I want to be clear too, that I did not heal from cancer because I processed all the emotions that caused it or the emotions below that. I did access some and I did gain a deeper understanding intellectually of what had caused my cancer and what can cause cancer in any of us and I made some different choices along the way, but I still have much to heal with the emotions I was trying to avoid in the first place.
Even though cancer deaths have decreased due to improved treatments and surgery, the statistics for the number of people who get cancer in their life are still very high:
The American Cancer Society has created a document called Cancer Facts and Figures 2021 and they state they expect 1.9 million new cases this year (and that doesn’t include some skin cancers). The death rate from cancer is 1,670 deaths per day. Following heart disease, it is the second most common cause of death in the USA.
Cancer Research UK state that someone dies of cancer every 4 mins here in the UK and there are a 1000 new cases every day.
In Australia cancer is the leading cause of death and 1 in 2 Australians will get cancer by the time they are 85.
Interestingly, different types of cancer are prevalent in different countries and in the USA, for instance, lung cancer is increasing. Across central Africa, cervical cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths and prostate and breast cancer remain two of the most common in most countries.
Many people, will look at physical factors like diet, weight, pollution, smoking and alcohol and they do contribute physically, I think, not just specifically to cancer but to our bodies ability to deal with illness and disease. However, underneath all these behaviours, if you look at that list there is a lack of love in all those areas to ourselves, to others and our environment. What we do physically reflects how we are emotionally. To be more specific, our soul condition – which Jesus describes as how much or little love we have in our soul which includes how much error we hold onto (where the lack of love is).
Sadly, when I got cancer in 2015/16 a number of people listening and supposedly following Divine Truth teachings judged me for getting cancer and I know the year before I had judged someone for getting surgery and not working through their emotions/trusting God. That is a pretty arrogant and horrible thing to do and one person commented to me in 2016, “Boy you have a child with Down’s syndrome and you’ve had cancer – that’s a lot of sin!” – In other words – “you must be a terrible person, much worse than me”.*
I was so stunned, I didn’t know what to say at the time, but I felt the judgement and condescension. Admittedly, that was what I feeling inside myself too, but still we are never justified in judging others. It’s so shitty and I certainly went through a phase where I used Divine Truth to be arrogant and I have seen it many time in others. That is such a terrible thing to do to the beauty of God’s Truth – an ugly irony.
*Also, just to clarify for those of you who don’t follow Divine Truth, we learn that as a child we are damaged by our parents unhealed emotions and by their behaviour and feelings towards us. This creates error in our – false beliefs about ourself and the world, that are out of harmony with God’s Truth and Love. We grow and we start to make choices and decisions based on this error emotions, that are frequently unloving from God’s perspective and sin is any thought, action, desire or feeling out of harmony with God’s Love. So I, or that person that said to me, were not saying that my cancer or my son’s disablity was a punishment from God, but rather my cancer was the result of the things I had done that were unloving and had therefore created my own pain and suffering. God does not punish, but He has created loving laws to help correct us and learn the loving way. But God is also very compassionate in understanding that our unloving behaviour is the effect of us not healing error emotions from our childhood – of not feeling and releasing those emotions. It’s all the things we do to avoid feeling these emotions: deny, minimise, judge, blame, lie, punish, manipulate that create the problem – it leads us to create facades and addictions. That is where most of our sin is created: avoidance of our pain.
That is a very brief summary and if you want to understand more please check out the Divine Truth website, particulary the 2014, 2016 and 2019 Assistance groups.
Not long after that statement was said to me, I received further judgement from others that were temporarily public for a while, via a podcast I did to help others with emotions and cancer and it was sent to Mary and Jesus and then I received a gift. Mary sent some feedback to highlight the condescension and judgement by the interviewer towards me in the podcast. I had not even noticed it, but the feedback everytime I have listened to it, helped me understand more in relation to a number of things that connected in with the cause of my cancer, plus some other emotional injuries in me. But what struck me the first time, more than anything else, was the utter compassion from Mary and Jesus.
It contrasted so deeply with how I treated myself and how I felt others saw me – how God may have seen me even, because I still believed that I had disappointed God so much how could He love me? That I had to be better, try harder, sort myself out, before I would be worthy of Her Love. But then, logically, I had to at least consider that Jesus and Mary, who had received God’s Love, who knew more about God’s qualities and attributes than I, had demonstrated God’s compassion for me. It planted a seed – one which I have only recently truly began to nuture, water and feed.
I have sexual injuries, some multi-generational, which then resulted in things happening to me as a child and adult. My earliest memory, which is a feeling memory as I was too young to remember it any other way, is when I was a year old and then other events happened as I grew. I also, inherited my mothers beliefs about myself as a woman, a bit like Lena, taught to please men and that I was less than a man, as well as some of her emotions towards men and her own emotional incest with me and false beliefs about what Love is. It’s a big messy pot and I know I am not unusual, sadly. But those injuries were not the cause of my cancer, it was what I did to avoid all the emotions about having my boundaries as child broken and violated, that created the cancer.
To get my own emotional holes fulfilled, I compromised myself hugely and then got more angry and more needy over time. I handed over my will in many ways, in order to feel validated sexually, to get men’s approval…to feel ‘loved’. It was a barter, a prostitution of myself. We all do it. It’s all the layers we pile on top of our orginally causal painful emotions that eventually become something that can create cancer. Jesus filmed a feedback session with a man who had lung cancer in 2015 and it is worth listening to this if you want to understand more and there are other divine truth clips on cancer available if you search. But, as I have said, I think the assistance groups give amazing relevant information.
What I want to say is though, is that we need to have compassion for each other. We are currently all wounded soldiers, often randomly firing out guns at each other and sometimes even ourselves. We need to stop this. Learning compassion for myself has been a turning point for me and it has increased my compassion for others. In the process, it brings into focus and awakens me more to the ugly emotions I need to change.
In the update video, I talk about my new 3-pronged approach to walking God’s Way and there has been a key area I have missed really examining, for the 9 years I have been listening to Divine Truth. It’s so key, its just evidence how we can appear to listen, but not really hear. It also explains why I have struggled to want to tackle the ‘huge job’ (thats how it has felt) of my facade or addicitons.
A few months ago, Eloise, who is one of the directors of Gods Way, suggested I might be invested in NOT having faith. I had mentioned to her that I had had a number of experiences to give me faith in God’s Laws and God’s Love, but that I would forget from experience to experience and not hold onto the faith, so her comment was spot on.
Since then, I have been looking at this, learning about faith and prayer and doing the experiment so my 3-pronged approach is:
- Faith and Prayer (relationship with God)
- Facade and addictions
- Experimenting and following my desires
I’m not saying my approach would work for you, but number 1 – is God’s Way. I’ve been trying to know myself and it is SO hard. Years of suppression, living in facade and addictions, false beliefs about myself and Love, not following my true desires or even knowing some of them is a pretty big castle to demolish on my own. Jesus in the first century, many times this century and I am sure many times inbetween said this,
“Be concerned, above everything else, with the Kingdom of God and with what He requires of you, and He will provide you with all these other things.” Matthew 6:33 (Good News Bible)
He is saying, focus on your relationship with God first so that you long for God’s Love and let that Love transform your soul and subsequently your life. So, the best way to know myself, is to open to God and Her Love and let God, who knows me in detail because She created me, show me who I truly am and allow God to expose the error emotions I need to release to develop my real self even further. There are lots of talks on the benefits of a relationship with God on the Divine Truth channels ( see my resources page) if you want to know more.
So it’s taken me 9 years, cancer and other things for this penny to drop and what a beautiful, rich ‘penny’ it is. Thanks goodness seeds have the ability to survive for so long!
From The Padgett Messages, April 20,1916:
Solomon, comes to Padgett, who then asks him: What is the greatest thing in all the world?
“Prayer and Faith on the part of mortals; and Love – the Divine Love – on the part of God. The latter is waiting, and the former causes it to enter into the souls of men.
No other truths are so great and momentous to men.
Let what I say sink deep into your memory, and try the experiment. I know you do try, but try and then try and never cease trying. Love will come to you and with It faith, and then knowledge and then ownership.”