Three recent episodes in the podcast by Adam Young ‘The Place We Find Ourselves’ really summed up the process of healing our causal emotions and I thought it would help some of you to share as it has done me.
Adam has a straightforward way of explaining different aspects of developmental/childhood trauma healing (where our causal emotions are). Because he is a Christian he also talks of God, which I find helpful even though I am not a Christian. However, you can still benefit even if you are not interested in God. Though personally, I have tried healing myself without God and its much tougher and lonelier. Even investigating who God is and how much He loves, gives such light at the end of the tunnel as well as never-ending grace through the tough times.
For clarity and to differentiate with what Adam believes about Jesus and what Jesus (AJ Miller) himself has shared, Jesus is very clear that he is not God and was not sacrificed to save us from our sins. He was the first man to discover that through our own desire, we could receive God’s Love, to the point of At-One-Ment with God, which transforms our soul – fully healed of error and with the potential to grow infinitely. Jesus was just the first person to discover and demonstrate that, was and is an incredible teacher and all-round good guy. Millions in the spirit world have now completed the same process as we are all capable of doing. (The ‘About Divine Truth’ on my website provides more information on this).
The episodes I am referring to are called ‘How Healing Happens’ (24-26) and really worth listening to.
In them, Adam describes something called The U diagram, originally created by Cathy Loerzel from the Allender Centre: a therapy and training centre who describe their mission as: “Everything we do is rooted in the belief that true, lasting healing of even our deepest wounds is possible.” Their ideas are similar to what Jesus and Mary are teaching again – that we can heal everything, and we will do it in a kinder and faster way with God.
Adam asks us to imagine we draw a large U, starting in the top left-hand side of a piece a paper, down into the bottom of the U and then back up again to the top right-hand corner. The analogy used to focus on three points of the U, are the 3 days from the crucifixion of Jesus on the Friday through to Sunday when he re-appears to Mary and the disciples, known as the resurrection by Christians.
He describes the Friday as the top left of the U, as the painful events that happened to us as children that ‘killed us’ and we still have inside us that then cause our current pain and suffering (even if on the outside we pretend we are okay).
The Sunday is the place of rest, joy, and peace. The place we are ‘resurrected.’
But importantly, it is the Saturday where the healing happens – the bottom of the U. From the Friday we slip down the U to the bottom and just as Saturday was a day of anger, rage, fear, and deep grief and sadness for Mary and the disciples, in this analogy, it is also the place we must feel all those emotions too. Not about the death of Jesus, but about our own childhoods. Adam uses the biblical reference, calling it the valley of the shadow of death because to be ‘resurrected’ as our true selves we must die to our current facades and error/hurt (who we think we are).
Here is the sketch I did:
We must ‘die’ to the current version of ourselves whilst we are in the bottom of the U and be prepared to rise anew. We have to surrender to feeling all the emotions we did not get to feel as child and that have been buried since then; the ones that create our present life, behaviours and beliefs. When we do this, it will be messy, and it will feel hellish at times. It is the death of control – we must just give in to deeply painful emotions. We will have feelings we did not even know were there; we will feel like a child again and we will realise truths we were not able to before and we will learn that our childhood trauma was much more than we thought.
Adam explains that we often want to fly across the top of the U from Friday to Sunday and ignore Saturday. We want the ‘resurrection’ without the death. The only true way to heal is to let yourself sink or fall down the side of the U to the bottom of it. The bottom of the U, the Valley of the Shadow of Death is a place of uncontrollable emotions and the place where we do not know if we will be all right and its terrifying.
That one sentence hit home for me: I am terrified of losing control, of feeling out of control. I want to know I will be okay. Like many of us, I have had huge addiction to control everything to control and manage my emotions, to control and manage relationships in some way to feel ‘safe.’ We do that in many ways, whether through overt control methods or more covert ones, such as people pleasing and rescuing (my two favourites!). We inherit beliefs about emotions as children and other experiences that build up a fear of overwhelming emotions and it becomes automatic to ‘manage’ our emotions. In fact, society encourages this. Sadly, these overwhelming emotions that we work so hard to avoid are the very ones that will set us free.
There are genuine reasons why we may be so terrified of emotions. Many of us were punished for showing our feelings and in my childhood, emotions led to dangerous situations and behaviours. It was better for me to stay quiet and in the background. So, see the truth of your terror, but with compassion.
But as I listened and it started to sink in what he was saying, and maybe because the U diagram gave me visual interpretation that worked, I suddenly felt how the avoidance of my terror was a big problem. But then I also saw that if I felt that terror it would be life changing for me because for 54 years, I have lived stuck with that terror inside of me. Increasingly as I have got older and the longer, I have held on to that terror, I have lived in fear more and shrunk my life further. If I can now go to the bottom of that U and get through that terror everything will change for me in ways, I do not think I can even imagine. What will my world be like without that terror inside me?
But below that terror is the place of lament – the place of gut-wrenching grief. The place where you curl up in the foetal position and you weep and sob. The causal pain that once released we will never need to feel again.
But Adam goes into more, important detail about this place and that is we must LINGER there until the emotion is fully released and to do this it can help into the detail of our story. To trigger the bodily sensations and emotions from past events we can take the stories we remember that we have a strong reaction to and tell them to ourselves or write them down in detail.
This would mean remembering things like what colour curtains were hanging from the window? as it dark? What could you smell? Touch? What were you wearing? Who else was there? And importantly what was going on in your body? Were you tense? Out of your body? What did you feel? Afraid? Tense? Most of us have at least a few events that create a strong reaction and can be a bit like flashbacks. In different episodes of the podcast there are many examples of guests telling a piece of their story and the emotions involved when they first went there in detail, emotionally. It is impossible to remember all our stories via our minds, but the ones that we can, can be a good starting point and if we go through the emotions of one or two events and feel the positive results it builds our faith in the process and ourselves to cope with overwhelming emotions.
During this process, we must become aware of our ‘pop-ups’ – the thoughts, distractions, and techniques we use to take us away from the emotions arising. It can be just a simple thought, “well mum had a terrible life” or “I must forgive and forget.” It’s important to not judge this but to develop a growing kindness and curiosity towards our younger selves and that will help us want to return to the emotions, to stay present in our bodies and have courage. It is the place of no words, just feelings.
Adam also made another point that hit me right in the gut: the difficulty many of us have with receiving kindness or giving it to ourselves. He says, “as a child the person who offered you comfort was also your abuser so receiving kindness will feel like grooming to you- being set up for the abuse.” It explains why I am always suspicious of kindness. My first thoughts are often, “what do they want?” “What will I have to give in return?” “What will they take from me?” Kindness comes followed immediately by a feeling something bad is about to happen.
Adam encourages us not to respond to our story by striving, enduring or ‘riding it out.’ We do not have to turn it against ourselves by self-accusations, self-blame, and harm or by contempt for ourselves. We need to respond to our stories like God does – with kindness towards our fragility and compassion.
Adam says we do not need to learn how to grieve, our bodies [souls] already know. He describes grief as “the natural response to see the truth of the tragedy of your story” and you have to ‘name’ the fullness of what you have suffered. This is an emotional process, and we must stop numbing out of or avoiding what is true. He also adds it is not just the abuse that we grieve over, it is the realisation that your parents did not care. We suffered trauma, and we were often abandoned during that trauma in some way and that is absolutely devastating to a child and all those emotions need to be felt, when we are in the bottom of our U: the pain, the loneliness, powerlessness, betrayal, and abandonment. It is these events that ‘kill’ us and that death we must grieve. Adam quotes Jesus and adds his own bit:
“The truth will set you free and the truth is often very disruptive and very disturbing.”
But we are never alone in our grief and the comfort of God is always there… not to stop us feeling, just to be there when we are. If we open to God being there, ask Him to be, ask to feel Her love then we will know we not alone, that we are loved. We will know that God is real. Many of us have felt and asked, “God, where were you in my heartache? Where were you when I was a child?” So, to allow God into your healing process is allow an answer to come to those questions, “I was always there, my child, loving you deeply.” To feel that emotionally is a beautiful thing: life changing.
“You don’t have to find God in your stories. God will show Himself in your stories if you are faithful to enter death.” (Dan Allender)
However, if you enter the bottom of the U it is guaranteed you will rise up to joy, freedom, and peace. Adam describes rising up to the other side of the U (Resurrection of self) as feeling like this:
- Healing is NOT a return to the old status quo.
- It is always a SURPRISE.
- It is always a GIFT – something to be received, not attained.
- Healing is always UNIQUE to you.
It is like climbing a new mountain – you can never know the true vista you will encounter when you reach the top until you reach the top and experience it for yourself.
The process of diving or falling to the bottom of the U is not a one-off event. It is something we need to repeat for each causal emotion. Jesus talks about global emotions in the Assistance groups, where we will find we have some big main emotions that when processed will have more impact and create greater healing. We cannot guess how many, we just have to keep diving into that U until the job is done. Just after I listened to this podcast my guides gave me an image of giant, steep slide: one of those rides that put your stomach in your mouth. It feels terrifying when you get to the point of no- return, its completely out of your control and there is no turning back. You feel like you might die sometimes, but you never do. The first time is always the scariest, but if you kept going back on it, you would build faith that you can do it, that the terror does not kill you.
So that’s the image I will leave you with. I hope this has helped you and a huge thank you to Adam Young for what he is teaching with such honour and compassion. The podcast has been a wonderful side-dish to the main course of Divine Truth.