It’s the 17th today. I like the number 17. I like 7s and 3s, and sometimes 1s and combinations of them. I often seem to look at the time when it is 7:17 or 7:37 and I see 33 a lot! I have my own sense of meaning about them. I like 8 too – infinity and abundance. Lately, my eyes have wandered to the time just as it says 8:18 or 8:08. It’s not unusual that a small amount of money comes after. I’m just interested in numbers and believe they do have meaning. After all, the whole universe is based in mathematics! I just feel it is another way our guides communicate with us, whilst we are still resistant or unable to ‘hear’ what they are saying. I’m sure when we find out all the thousands of ways they have tried to get us to listen in our life we will be astounded: by the number, the effort and the love.
So, I have a little faith in numbers and this morning after I saw it was day 17 of October, I received an email labelled a message from God. It’s something I signed up for years ago and even though it has been written by human’s sometimes it feels so relevant that I feel God has had a hand in it somewhere in the chain of communication. Today it said, “Infinite possibilities are born of faith.”
There are many talks on faith in the Divine Truth teachings and if you listen you will find true faith is a bit different from what you had previously thought. It is not hope or wishful thinking, it is based in fact. I have faith in gravity because the facts show it keeps my feet on the ground (physically at least!). To have faith we must know that something is true or certain of being true in the future.
Sir Isaac Newton looked around at the world, the sky, the universe and thought to himself, what keeps things on the ground? Why don’t we fly off into space? He could see for certain that we do not fly into space, and he knew that if he kept looking he would find a physical law to explain what it was.
So, to have faith is God, is something that must be based on evidence and facts. We must have an experience that confirms that God is real and to start that process, we develop a desire to find out, just as Isaac did. What my message today was saying was that developing faith in God, God’s Love and Truth and God’s Laws open the door to infinite possibilities. If we have faith in God and God’s way, we will develop faith in ourselves because God’s Way is based in truth and will expose all the areas we do not have faith in ourselves, but also God will tell us that He created us to be able to heal everything, to have many passions and create many things.
We can develop faith in ourselves to a good degree without God, but I know it takes longer. I’ve tried it! Having faith in God is trusting the information we are given about ourselves from Him and letting go of false ideas we have about ourselves. In the prayer, written by Jesus, we are described as the greatest of all God’s creations and so if grow faith in that and what is God is telling us about how to heal our soul, we will know that God tells us that being our true selves is good; to discover and express ourselves is good and that we are created as emotional beings with the ability to feel and release our darkest rage, our most terrifying fears, our heaviest shame and our deepest, gut-wrenching grief.
I wish I believed that. I’m planting seeds, but currently I have a bigger corrupt faith that managing my emotions is better and most of the world agrees with me. There are thousands of books, articles, podcasts, apps, techniques, medications, and therapies that exist to ‘help’ us manage and control our emotions. But we were doing this long before any of those more commercial things existed. The trouble is there is SO much evidence personally and globally that it’s not working and never has. All I see around me is evidence that detaching from our emotions is harming us and others by hardening our hearts to what we are doing to ourselves, others, and our environment.
Corrupt faith is still based in fact, but a limited and perverse fact. It originated from places of lacked love and logic in our childhood from our caregivers, schools, culture, and society. Corrupt faith that controlling our emotions is based on what our experiences were are children. If we were judged, condescended to, punished, humiliated, or ridiculed by our caregivers then we become scared of feeling emotions because we feel unsafe in some way and hold a belief that it wrong to express how we feel. The adults around us either role-modelled controlling their emotions and/or expressed narcissistic and histrionic ‘emotions’ that led to harmful and frightening situations (histrionics are not real emotions, they are an avoidance of emotion, demanding and manipulative to those around them).
The truth is we can’t truly control emotions. That is, they haven’t gone away just because you pretend they are not there. You may feel in control, but you’re not. If I look at myself, holding onto anger, fear, shame, and grief has led me live in a façade, unhappiness, dissatisfaction, made me open to being used and abused, created neediness, and demands on people around me, lots of physical pain and discomfort and sadly, kept me tied to people who harmed me in my childhood. I am re-enacting the harm done to me.
When we don’t feel our emotions, we don’t own them ourselves and we have a tendency to blame others and external circumstances and disempower ourselves even more. But we also leak everywhere. We are all like dams, struggling to hold in the huge pile of negative emotions we are trying to control. The dam can’t do it and so we leak out our emotions into the world. We act out in our anger and fear, make poor decisions, and demands at others, substances, and things to help us avoid how we really feel.
You know that moment when someone nearly smashed into your car because they went through a red light and you get really angry, yelling expletives or raising your fist at them? What you’re really feeling is fear, but you don’t like that feeling so you go to anger, where you feel more powerful. You may be screaming, “You idiot! What’s wrong with you?” but what you mean is, “How dare you trigger my fear? How dare to bring up the fact that I am terrified of being dying? Of leaving my kids behind?”
The alternative is to pull your car over and just feel your fear and possibly connect you to deeper sadness underneath. The world is getting angrier and more dangerous because we are not feeling our fears, not even acknowledging them. We don’t want to feel our sadness either. Instead, we are getting angrier and our emotional, physical, and spiritual addictions are growing. We are all walking around with syringes hanging from our arm looking for our next fix to help us dissociate from our emotional pain. While we don’t own our own emotions we project and spill them out into our environment.
You and I are walking around, holding onto to our own shit, but are also getting splattered by other peoples. Not a pretty sight if you imagine it. I feel my own holding on every day in my body and its aches, pains, and heaviness. I’ve had a few weeks of feeling terrible because I was opening up to some emotions about sexual trauma and starting to feel some terror. But the feeling terrible happened because I started to shut down. I didn’t see it happening for a while, but I went heavily into addiction by distracting myself with TV and social media. This led to reduced motivation to all areas of my life and heavy co-dependent spirit influence. Then one day I felt like I wanted to give in and just die.
That thought, woke me up and a conversation with a loving sister sent me to listen to my feedback from Jesus and Mary in 2019. Even, though I have made a few minor changes in the last two years in some areas, it was listening to the feedback that led me to begin to look at my corrupt faith about emotions, pay more attention and make a choice to own my emotions as my responsibility, completely.
Also, I am tired of my own lack of kindness to myself, seeing that it is keeping me stuck, in co-dependency with spirits and causing me to demand it from others. I am making a choice to look at my corrupt faith and addictions with curiosity, kindness and love rather than with a whip.
Curiosity starts with questions: What has led me to believe that locking up my emotions is the best solution? What am I afraid of? What happened to me as a child to make me afraid? What happened to make me feel expressing myself was too risky? Too much? Unwanted? What stories have I created as an adult to confirm those beliefs?
Kindness involves allowing myself to feel about all those things. Love and kindness ask me to own my own emotions so that I don’t keep harming myself or others, disempowering myself in the process. Kindness asks me to soften and surrender to all that is in my soul and Love tells me that is a beautiful thing.
** Even though the live talks on corrupt faith from the 2019 Assistance Groups are not yet on YouTube, the outlines are on the Divine Truth website. But I suggest you watch the first half of that assistance group that are available. The information is invaluable and powerful if you choose.