I have been a bit quiet on here because I have made some changes to the way I work and the experiment is taking me round and about, but is feeling good, even when its challenging. I became full time self-employed, but its all new and some of my plans aren’t there yet so I am doing bits and pieces of freelance or contract work. I was offered a completely new piece of work in December as a Podcast Coordinator. Its completely different to anything I have done before. My background is 30 years in health as a nurse and midwife, dipped in and out of education, worked in social care, charities and with young people – so no, no podcast experience. All they knew was that I could write copy, was creative, had some ‘interesting’ ideas. One of the co-founders had been watching my social media posts and approached me.

Now I have never been noticed like that before so it was a surprise. I had been praying about more creative work and boom here was some. It will allow me to have a stable income, work part time and give me time to focus on soul as I have been and am very good at distractions. I’ve decided to spend this whole month watching how I spend my time, what my soul truly wants rather than what I think it wants. One of the big things I have been ducking and diving from in recent months are my ideas for creative work that I can also earn money from. I’ve had some grief come up in the last year about the artist in me that doesn’t express herself, the writer in me that doesn’t write all she dreams of, the maker in me who isn’t making, the dancer in me that wanted to express her emotions through her body, the speaker and teacher than doesn’t teach. I don’t know for certain that some of those things are my true soul desires yet, but they are the things that have shown up in my life every so often that give me joy, make me feel alive and light a fireball of creativity in my gut.

I’ve had lots of blocks ranging from false beliefs that art is pointless, selfish, superficial – you can’t earn money from it, it’s irresponsible and you’re not very good at it. I feel the shadow of my mum who was a talented artist, judging me as second rate compared to herself. But I’ve let the shadow have too much say and just been avoiding the emotions I have about those projections and beliefs, so I am going to work my way through various creative ideas I have and see what emotions come up.

For a while I have wanted to talk in more depth about some of my personal experiences and how they relate to Gods truth on the matter: so for instance, my experiences in the Christian church, the new age movement, abortion and more and a blog could be a small book in some cases. So, I have decided to make vlogs and put them on a YouTube Channel. I started a channel at the start of the pandemic, just in my name, Maxine Bell, as I made some videos about poetry for children and I have added a few things, but haven’t paid it much attention. I feel very self-conscious seeing myself on camera – alot of it vanity, feeling old, looking older and the judgement I may get. I kept making excuses about not having the right equipement etc. But yesterday I finally did it (without an equipment except my phone and laptop). I made an intro video, learnt how to do simple edits and make thumbnails in Canva. That was fun choosing ‘my colours’, allowing myself to feel feminine in the process. I had about 25 attempts, starting, messing up what I wanted to say, or judging something etc but I got there in the end and then added a video on my personal experience with Divine Truth. I had no notes, just some ideas of what I wanted to say, but I’m proud of myself for doing it, learning new things and I hope that it help others discover more truth, become curious about everything, including God. It was a big thumbs up for not letting fear stop us and experimenting!

Here’s the link: Maxine Bell

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