I recently had a very good law of attraction (all LOA are good btw), which I am still reflecting on because it exposed some deeply engrained addictions I have that prevented me from feeling the truth, understanding what Love would do and also being more clear and direct in my communications. I feel very grateful right now for what I have learnt. But I have also asked myself by making this public am I being loving? I have and am learning all the time, that sometimes I say too much or too little and sometimes I am not always honest about my motivations for speaking and so there always feels a risk and working on my own humlity and desire for truth and to be loving is key to this (as it is to everything on God’s Way). Right now, in my current feelings, I feel as Einstein said “If I were to remain silent, I’d be guilty of complicity.”

I am working through some emotions about injustice in connection with my childhood and I think these events have added to the question of why innocence, kindness and brightness are trampled on. But it’s also not as simple with this case, as my kindness was mixed up in addiction, which is never good. I feel I do have a desire to help others, but at the moment it has a lot of injury in it too.

But a quick summary of events:

In early May I was contacted through my blog, by what I was told was a large church in Kilgoris, Kenya. The email address was trinitylovechurch and the man corresponding was called Brother Evans. A communication ensued and I was excited and humbled (so I thought) by their approach to me. They asked lots of great questions about Divine Truth, God, Jesus’ identity, the human soul. I love talking about all this stuff so I was happy to answer all their queries.

After a number of emails, I was told they loved hearing the truth but were struggling to watch the talks because they only had a mobile phone. I started considering how I could help them. I don’t have funds, but I thought maybe I could raise some to get them some equipment to enable them to watch Divine Truth talks, maybe also print out some booklets for them to use as well.

I wanted to ask them about their lives and I did ask a couple of tentative questions and looking back I see I had this strong emotion of guilt – I didn’t want to be the patronsing white westerner and I didn’t want to offend or upset them. I wanted to be a ‘good girl’ and ‘nice’ so I restrained myself from asking all I really wanted to and the few questions I did ask weren’t direct and clear.

In early June, I was told they were struggling to feed their children and the children weren’t attending school because of this. In full rescuing mode, and thinking it was very synchronistic, I had two weeks before attended a fundraiser at my friend, Anna’s restaurant in Brighton (Happy Maki) for a charity called Mary’s Meals. They support local communities across the world to provide food in schools to combat both hunger and allow access to education – a lovely charity by the way. So I told Brother Evans about them and if I could contact them or he could to see if they could help. He asked me, which I did and Mary’s Meals said all they would need is an email from the relevant school principle. Brother Evans said he approached the school but was angrily sent away because they had heard he was following Divine Truth which was the ‘devil’s work.”

During all this time, he had started asking me to visit, along with a friend who was interested in providing some funds. The requests for visits became quite intense and I started to feel this overwhelming sense of responsiblity and pressure. It was very uncomfortable and again is an emotional injury in me, as I had a lot of responsibilty as a child, both emotionally and physically from a very young age. It was my role – to support, care for, assist and rescue – basically completely sacrifice myself – for my mother and through her, other members of the family. The demands from the Brother Evans felt just like my mothers.

But I also was reflecting more on what was going on at this point and I decided to be more direct (though still nice – groan!) and made a short private video talking with Brother Evans/the church about some emotions they might want to work on which could help change their situation and some emotions possibly playing out in me. I told them I couldn’t rescue them and which is unloving, but I was willing to assist them if they were also self-responsible. A strange series of events happened where I was being told they couldn’t access the video via gmail or youtube and so in the end I gave them my phone number and sent it through WhatsApp. Following the video, brother Evans was sending me messages at all times of the day. I didn’t respond to them all, but again it was feeling off. This was a few days before my time in Portugal and I was really feeling between this and a number of other things that I needed these two weeks to slow down, feel emotions, spend time with God and the land so I told Brother Evans, that I would not have much internet connection (the truth) but really needed to switch off and asked him to respect that.

However, in the first 24 hours he sent some messages and after a comment from Pierre to be more direct, I told Brother Evans he was being demanding and needy and this was unloving and he did go quiet until the day before I was due to fly back. I ignored his messages until I was home, but also I had had time to really ‘tune in’ to what was going on with myself and the addictions I was in.

  • Rescuing
  • People pleasing
  • Finding a sense of worth through being good
  • That I have to fix someone else’s pain – which creates a panic/hyperviligant response almost as if a life depended on it, which as a kid it sometimes did.

Here I was again not being loving to myself or others and I had to own that. These are addictions I have been trying to change, but as I have not deconstructed them fully, they sneak back in. We really have to pay attention until we have emotionally worked through and completely deconstructed our addictions. We can choose to stop addictions, but particularly if they are deeply ingrained ones, they can pop up in the blink of an eye. For more information on this check out this playlist here.

I prayed about it all and then started to see the truth about even the events with the video that actually what he was saying didn’t make sense. Also, he was sending me messages all the time on his “neighbours phone” and the name was Javan Bokea. Red flags starting popping up everywhere and some fears came up in me. I knew that in 2013 others who followed Divine Truth had gone to Kenya to assist so I read all their blogs and it was interesting to discover the man who had contacted them was also called Javan and he not been sincere and had taken advantage of the assistance given. The blogs were very helpful as they also included some wonderful feedback from Mary, which helped as one of the issues was fear about being direct and clear, and trusting your feelings.

So I wrote a fairly detailed, honest and direct email to Brother Evans and I asked if Javan Bokea was the same Javan from 2013. I did not receive my normal quick answer. After a few days I decided to contact Paige and Kerry and they did confirm it was the same man and he worked with someone called Bro Evans, also known as Vincent Ondieki. They are both corrupt men who have tried on a number of occasions to exhort people who follow Divine Truth to gain money and other things from them. They find us through the internet as they found me.

I sent a message to Brother Evans to say I would be stopping communications with them on WhatsApp and blocked the phone number. If they ever have a change of heart, of course I would talk with them, but for now not. Sadly, he tried to gaslight me in a short, menacing email, but I felt strong in the truth and told them I knew their real names and who they were and I did not need to explain further. I felt all the dark spirits with them too, but I have come to a point, where after a lot abuse and attack from spirits and being open to that and at times complicit in it by my own self attack most of my life, I can stand there and say, “no matter what you do I will not stop saying the truth.” This whole event reaffirmed to me the importance of telling the truth, of being firm in that, no matter what happens, because in the end God will always create a good result for all concerned.

I want to add please do not go into judgement of these men. Feel what you feel, as I am having to do about what happened, but do not judge. It makes us all hypocrites. I am not justifying wrongful actions in them no more than I can in myself, but they are the sons of God too – they are injured brothers making choices and mistakes as we all do. They need compassion and prayer as much as anyone and it is love that changes us, not hate, condemnation or judgement.

I wanted to share this information to maybe prevent further events, but also to highlight how much influence addictions have on our lives – our ability to discern who is truthful and loving; our abillity to know when a situation is dangerous or not; our ability to love as God does; our willingness to be truthful to ourselves or others: have not humility and to know the right actions to take. Addictions give us temporary ‘good’ feelings – we are invested in that, but ultimately they are dangerous, yucky, harmful, degrade and shrink our souls and they are a facade, so prevent us from being our real selves, connect with soulmate and of course God. God can only connect with the real part of us – the beautiful soul She created, the one with all the potential and power to love greatly and to live a blissful life (eternally if you choose to have a relationship with God and receive her Love).

Addictions are a downward spiral and we must treat emotional addictions just as we would if we were an heroin addict. We are going to feel crap – desperate, needy, willing to risk everything to get them met and when they aren’t feel angry, rageful and eventually sad, which is really sulking. We will never access our fear and terror either if we stay in them.

But don’t go into self-judgement about all this (another addiction) we all have 100’s of them and a few that are dominant. Like everything on our healing journey, on clearing error from our souls we must remain curious and open to the truth. I spent the first 8 years or so with Divine Truth being harsh with myself a lot, rather than curious and open. It changes nothing and at times took me down. Curiousity and kindness is the only way to change things. Be as God is with us – patient, compassionate, but firm on the truth of our sin, our facade, our damage. God knows we can change it all so She doesn’t get stressed about our progress – or lack of it. But she doesn’t want us to ignore it either because it creates pain and suffering. God loves us and wants that to stop too, but through the gift of free will She gave us – through our own desires and willingness to want our own happiness, the happiness of others and our environment. Everything we need is already there. Grow faith in that. Grow faith in God’s Way. There is nothing else like it, no Love or Truth like God’s. No parent as perfect, as good or as passionately loving and interested in every one of us.

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language…”

(Rainer Maria Wilke, Letters to a Young Poet)

Kenya image by Herbert 2512 on pixabay & Heroin image by RenoBeranger on pixabay

2 Comments

  1. Maxine, I also received an email from Brother Evans at the begining of July 2022 soliciting my help. I offered direction to the Divine Truth YouTube channel or DVDs, but said I didn’t have other resources to help him and his congregation, plus pointing him in the direction of Divine Truth media was the best help anyway. He tried to call me (I didn’t respond) and has sent a few “Hallelujah” and “Praise God” messages, but seems he’s stopped contacting me now.

    I really appreciate you sharing your experience. It’s a good heads-up and gives me the chance to look at and feel about addictions and injuries I have that are somewhat similar to yours.

    Thank you, sister.

    Like

    1. Thanks for sharing Heather. Paige and Kerry are still supporting some sincere people in Kenya so I don’t want people to be put of following their desires in this regard. We just need to be humble to the feedback, purifying our desires etc.

      Like

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