Hello, my name is Maxine Bell. This is just a page with a bit of my story, how I came across Divine Truth and why I started blogging.
Please note what I write in is this blog reflects the condition of my soul with all its error and occasionally nearer to my true creativity and expression. I have been very hard on myself over the years for not being perfect, but I am not and that is just a fact. I am still in denial about many things, deluded about others, awakening to some aspects and some of my sin (unlovingness) and still think more than I feel. I have like many of us lots of contradictions in my current state: addictions vs good intentions; attempts at sincerity vs hypocrisy; resistance and fear vs small windows of truth and so on. This blog is very real in all that senses and one day I will be able to pick up on all the good and bad. But even if I look a fool, or a hypocrite in the process of writing this if it causes you seek God’s truth then that is wonderful.
So a bit about my life on earth so far – I was born right at the end of 1966 and my birth surname was Falloon. I have also been known as Maxine Messenger and Maxine Hanson ( I had two stepdads) It’s been hard to settle with a surname since then.
My childhood was very erratic as well as unsafe: there was domestic violence, alchohol addiction, mental health issues and all the narcissism and drama that came with that.I had a lot of responsibility from a very young age, being the eldest and the only girl. We moved frequently, but mainly in Suffolk, England for the first 11 years and then in Devon until I left home aged 18. My adolesence was a lonely time and I never felt like a I fitted in anywhere. I planned my escape from home and my mother, in particular and left when I was 18, moving to London to train as a nurse and then a midwife. I have two younger brothers and in recent years have met two other brothers from my father’s second marriage after my father died. My father was absent from my life from the age of 4 until he popped up again when I was about 20 and we met a few times during my adulthood, but it didn’t go as smoothly as it does in those reunion TV programmes: I didn’t feel he wanted to know me really.
I did well as a nurse, but in the background suffered from a crippling eating disorder (which had started when I was 12) and terrible self esteem. As a child, I attended the local churches and when I was 17 became a born again Christian, but by the time I left home I had left the church, confused and dismayed by the contradictions, hypocrisy and inequalities.
I muddled through the years seeking answers to my problems and looking for ways to heal, and my eating issues improved, but remained with me to different degrees for many years. My 20s and 30s included a lot of bad choices and a few good ones. I lacked discernment and self love, was easily manipulated and desperate for ‘love’ and validation and it took me to some poor decisions, sad and dark places.
I became a mother when I was 28 of a beautiful boy, called Ben, who has Down’s syndrome. I loved many aspects of being his mum and struggled with many too and I since I have learnt more about parenting from the Divine Truth teachings I have realised that many of the things I thought were loving for him, were not. The truth is he is God’s son, not mine, but I have some belief systems to break down to really know that in my heart. I wrote about him in a post called There is Always a Gift, but I am on a journey to understand more of the truth and repent for the harm I have caused him plus the little souls who were only in my body for a couple of months before then moved onto spirit world. Two of them I have met in spirit conversations/sleep state, and two I have more resistance to looking at the emotions that caused them to miscarry so do not know anything about them yet.
I have done a number of different jobs. I left midwifery after I had my son and did an English degree and then a teaching qualification. I taught primary and secondary school pupils for a short while, but then worked with children who had additional needs. I have also taught creative workshops to adults with learning disabilites, been a family support worker, coordinated a teenage advice clinic and worked a specialist in Learning Disabilities for a charitable organisation.
I am certified life coach and set it up as a business at the start of 2020, but it is a bumpy road and I am going through a process of experiementing and exploring what kind of coach I want to be or if I want to even be a coach or and where I can use those skills in line with my values and passions. I also work with young people as a mentor with a local Devon Charity. The truth is I am still working out what I really want to do. I love working with young people, but I feel that I have found my ‘worth’ through work, been an addictive carer, rescuer and fixer of others which has been an avoidance of what I really felt about myself as well and feel/present as a good person. So currently, whatever work I do I am trying to be open and humble to the process and what God is showing me about the sincerity of my desires and because this fixer needs to fix herself first.
I love writing so you will find poems and analogies on some of my posts. I’ve been writing out my feelings in this way since I was a teenager and still journal most days. In fact, journalling has become a daily practice in some form – it helps me work things out, sometimes feel emotions, have inspirations and sometimes I can do automatic writing with my guides. Putting myself out there as a writer – even to myself was one of the motivations in starting this blog – but it was also to share my journey with the Divine Truth teachings to hopefully encourage you to explore them yourself. So I write about my spiritual and emotional journey and my thoughts and feelings on things that matter to me, such as nature and the environment, as well as my poetry.
But just to rewind a little, all the time I was living as an adult I was aware that I had pain inside, that something didn’t feel right and for many years I blamed myself and so did my mother from when I was young, so I presumed I was just some defective, terrible freak that just didn’t fit in. Though at the same time, something was fighting back at times, trying to make sense of the craziness of life and the pain in my heart. In one way or another, I was always looking – from my church days onwards.
In my seeking for answers, I tried therapy and self help books. Some of that helped a little and I am grateful for Susie Orbach’s Fat is a Feminist Issue which first helped me see there was a link with my eating disorder and my relationship with my mother and to Susan Forward (Toxic Parents) that helped me see that the way I was and the heartache I was in, was not all my fault and that the way I was treated, I didn’t deserve. Later I tried some alternative type therapies: EFT, affirmations, hypnotherapy, visted mediums and read about different religious and spiritual ideas.
Then in my early 40’s, desperate for a change I found a yoga class, which led to meditation, which led to lots of other New Age experiments and experiences. But about 4 years in, as had happened with Christianity I was in a very questioning place again: too much mysticism, too many contradictions, illogical thinking as well as some sleazy sexual beliefs and dishonesty. One day I went home and screamed out to the sky “God, if you exist, if you’re listening I want the truth, the real, absolute truth! I am sick of the lies and pretending. I want the truth!”
Within 24 hours, I got a response, much to my surprise, when a friend sent me a link to a talk called The Secrets of the Universe. There were actually 4 videos, totally over 9 hours. I watched them all – I couldn’t stop: something hit my heart big time. This was it! This was the Truth. That was in early 2012 and by wonderful synchronicity Jesus and Mary, the teachers of Divine Truth as it is called, were visiting the UK two weeks later. I went and I haven’t looked back since.
I sat on the fence in some areas for a while as I let go of the New Age beliefs such as reincarnation. I wasn’t too bothered he was saying he was saying he was Jesus as what he was teaching was so wonderful and so logical. Also, when I had left the church years before I had already decided he probably wasn’t THE son of God, but was an amazing teacher of some simple truths. I felt he had been brave, radical, compassionate and really just talked about Love in a way no one had before. I thought he had come to sweep aside religion and other beliefs. Then there he was in 2012 weirdly matching up to that.
You can still listen to the teachings and not believe he is Jesus – for a while, but it is actually an important detail in what he is teaching and the amount he knows and understands.. Besides the fact that he and Mary walk their walk – they don’t just teach the Way, they demonstrate it every day with their love, their honesty, humility and the way they live their lives. Their passion for God, their knowledge and generosity is there for all to see.
My journey on this path has not been a smooth one, because it has confronted me with lots of things I have wanted to forget and suppress – as you will see from my blogs, but nothing has impacted me as much. I want to be clear that my sharing of these truths on this blog are coming through emotional injuries and false beliefs that still exist in my soul and are an intepretation of the Divine Truth teachings. It is why I put lots of links in my posts and the resources page so that you can access those teaching the Truth accurately and are more progressed than I, with a real connection with God.
My perspective on life, my relationship to others and to my environment and my curiousity about God changed after I found the Divine Truth teachings. Even those the books I had read helped me have intellectual understanding of some of my hurt, since finding The Way I have realised that I still actually haven’t emotional released my pain so do not really yet know what happned to me fully. Jesus teaches that to truly know is an emotional experience, not an intellectual one. I can certainly vouch for that from my own experience – if it was just intellectual I might be nearly all sorted by now! But I am learning in small ways that I matter and importantly that what I do matters; that I have a choice to love or deny love in every moment; to be truthful or not; to change or not.
I have been to a number of talks in person now and in 2019 spent time in Australia on the Volunteer Selection Programme. Spending time, experiencing God’s Way was a powerful experience and I came home a bit shocked, sulked and resisted for a while, but am now pulling myself back together and making changes in my life to challenge the person I have become because of my emotional injuries.
The Divine Truth teachings are a real gift to us, more than I can currently understand and I wanted to be involved in sharing it with the world in some way. I am very much a work in progress and have been resistant to making any big changes in my life because fear has become my God and I am very addicted to my facade (I believe that is me) but the feedback I received in 2019 has helped and I feel more willing and open to explore and discover who I am – initially my half, but hopefully one day I will be more open to my soulmate too.
I would like to demonstrate that us old stick in the muds can do this: that we can break down our facade’s even if we have had it for 50 years. I am inspired by those, who are truly on the Way, opening to God and themselves and living a very different, happier life: one that is not only more loving to themselves, but to everyone around them.
So I am really at the beginning of actively working with what I have been taught. But, if you are interested in Divine Truth or in anything that I write about I encourage you to look at the About Divine Truth and Resources page. There you will find information from the teachers of Divine Truth, plus others who are sincerely on God’s Way of Love.
Be open: it’s wonderful and I hope that despite the imperfections in this blog that you gain some insight, some inspiration and desire to seek the truth for yourself.
If you have any questions, you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
With love, Maxine