The Science of the Soul #01 – The Wonderful World of Emotion

A really helpful, thought (or feeling) – provoking blog from Tristan… I love the analogy of the sea of emotions we all exist in… I have been experimenting and emotional awareness is a game changer….

One Soul Story

Introduction

I don’t know if you have noticed but there is a whole underlying current in the world that is all about the emotions that humans are either feeling or holding onto. I personally imagine it as an invisible sea of emotions that has its own tides, currents and patterns of temperature, that all humans are creating, absorbing and are swimming in at the same time.

You can feel it when you are at a concert where a feeling of elation and power takes a hold of large group of people and becomes so amplified that the air is electrified with it.

You can feel it when you are with a group of friends and you all can just not stop laughing, even though you are all unsure exactly what sparked the laughter.

You can feel it when you have to tell someone that you fucked up badly, you are…

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The Power of Faith

Notes Along The Way

Usually we use the word faith to refer to faith in a positive sense – faith in God, faith in The Way, faith in love, and faith in truth. We make global statements that imply that faith is something we have, or do not have.

But every person has faith in something. Faith is the driving force behind every one of our actions, desires and aspirations.

We can have faith in evil, in passivity, in anger, in hopelessness, in cynicism, in addiction, in greed and selfishness. We can, and do, have faith in sin.

In order to change the world we must, as individuals, examine what we have faith in.

And then do the “dirty work” of facing and changing the painful emotions that support our current corrupt faith.

Only through individually and collectively restoring our faith, to be faith in what is good and true and pure, can we…

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Having Children Did Not Make Me a Real Woman

This is so worth sharing. I am having a few revelations about my own ability or lack of ability in being a good mother and the unhealed emotions that created my getting pregnant and the unhealthy investments/addictions with my own children ( God’s children, but the souls he entrusted me with) so this is apt, bur relevant to most, if not all, of us…

DEAR GOD...

Before I had children I had the false belief that having children would make me a ‘real woman’.
I thought being a mum was my only role, purpose and destiny in life. I thought that once I was married and had children my purpose as a woman would be fulfilled and life would be perfect like in a hallmark movie. I believed that somehow having children would magically fix everything in my life and make me feel great.


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The Sin of the Single Life

 

single swan2

I am starting to feel the sin of being on my own.

I keep seeing this same advert and there was something about it that really struck me. It is a perfume advert and a man and a woman* are a long distance away from each other and they travel towards each other in a futuristic way. When they arrive at the place they meet they look at each other and they look like the male and female version of each other and it struck me that is how it meant to be – two of us, not just one. I am not just one, I am the other part of someone and being alone as I am currently isn’t normal… it feels as if I am going against my own design. I then felt very sad that I have created and chosen to be on my own right now and not with the other half of me: not as a couple. Why is that?

I feel safer. I can protect my heart and my body, or so I believe, this way.

I can control my life ( this is a big addiction) and do what I want.

I don’t have to “lose myself” to someone else.

There is no one making constant demands on me.

Love for me means someone is going to take and drain me. I don’t feel Love is a gift, I feel it as a threat to my very existence.

I can be selfish and live in my comfort zones.

I can avoid my rage, anger, fear, shame and grief about men, relationships, sex and intimacy. I have a lot of anger that I still suppress and a huge amount of terror, shame and grief.

I can avoid the issues I have with trusting anyone.

I can avoid my terror.

I can avoid the causal emotions that are connected to my parents and the truth of the harm they caused.

I avoid the truth of events that have happened to me, particularly the things that happened in my childhood.

I don’t have to fully face the harm I have done to others in my emotionally injured state. By suppressing my emotions I have created addictions, expectations and demands – anything that helps me avoid painful emotions.

Therefore I don’t want to forgive or repent.

I want to hold onto my false beliefs and addictions and avoid my emotional pain.

 

That is what I am aware of, currently, and I then feel it is such a lot to work through and make excuses. I sometimes chip away at it and educate myself about God’s truth on this, but I still resist it. I pray about my resistance sometimes and my fears and I know this blocks me from receiving God’s Love and Truth. When I feel what I feel about Love why would open to receive it? I know this is a false belief, a fear, a lie in my mind, but my soul is feeling something else and my soul expresses the truth and cannot play tricks like my mind.

God has been showing me a number of things lately in relation to my sexual injuries, so the help is there and maybe I have a small desire to know this and heal it. So I am glad that I felt that when I saw that advert and I love that these small things, especially when we notice them matter: everything matters. We are being so shown so much every day.

I do get lonely, but that can be an addiction too – wanting someone else to stop us feeing alone or unloved and I am aware that even as a child I felt very alone and very different and odd from my family and the world at times. Many times, judged, blamed, shamed, invisible, used and abused– emotions I haven’t released – so it’s not surprising my soul decides that being single is a better option.

I currently see it as the easy option – but a half lived one. I can feel that something is missing and that by choosing to be on my own, to not deal with the blocks to being in a relationship, I am missing out on a gift and a way of being that is my natural state.

Sin, is missing the mark of Love: being single is missing the mark of love because we are refusing that gift, rejecting that natural state – of being with the one person God made us to be with – the other half of ourselves and the potential that offers.

I am starting to see the sin of being on my own.

Maxine

See links below for more information on Soulmate relationships:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38-9LUA_0rc&t=4s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1eDIdXU8YQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDmj5ofhrS4&t=1638s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmigKz-xPBQ&t=318s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW0FkfhUHAc&t=2s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td_RHkRfIj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjBketDnlFs

The Secrets of the Universe talks on the Divine Truth channel also has some information.

There is even more information on partnership relationships on the Divine Truth FAQ channel on youtube as well as other talks on both these channels that are relevant.

*Soulmate relationships are heterosexual or homosexual.

swans

THE MOUNTAIN TO GOD

mountains2

I am currently just completing my fourth reading of Through the Mists recorded by Robert James Lee, but the person dictating his own story is Aphraar and I have to say I have a growing love and an immense gratitude to this man, whose passion to share truth to the world led to this book and the two that followed. (See the links page for more information).

My fourth reading immediately followed the third. Maybe because each time I read it I learn new things and my soul opens to possibilities and feelings. The books are really an autobiography of Aphraar’s life “beyond the grave.” On earth he was known as Frederick Winterleigh, who died suddenly in the 19th century, attempting to save the life of a young boy. He did not succeed in preventing the end of the boy’s life on earth, but he awoke to find himself still holding the young boy, on the slopes of a land he didn’t know. From the slopes he could view a large area of mists where people were appearing from as they walked through them. This was Aphraar’s entry into the spirit life, or afterlife as some call it: the point where our physical bodies dies, but we continue very much to live in our spirit bodies.

I don’t want to get into any debates about whether this may or may not be true, that is something you need to investigate for yourself, as I have been doing. There are lots of great talks on spirit life on the divine truth website, as well as the Robert James Lee trilogy and the Padgett messages.

As I said, every time I read these books some new feeling hits my soul: my soul expands and a number of times I find myself crying – not with sadness, but with joy, relief and wonder. They are truly my favourite books: beautifully written and full of passion. I journey within myself, as Aphraar journey’s through spirit lands, travelling to places I can only dream of and not fully imagine yet. They are an affirmation of God, God’s goodness and Love. They are a confirmation that God’s truth is absolute, reliable, loving and designed to take us far, far, far beyond than what we can even contemplate. We are in fact just sitting in the “twinkling of an eye” right now, only able to see a sparkle of the light God offers us, the life he wants to lead us too, the people God designed us to be.

I read these books and even the first book when Aphraar is at the start of his journey and I know that he starts his journey in spirit life in a place that is well above where I would be right now if I passed. Because of his desire to learn truth, to be educated he is shown by spirits in much higher conditions their homes – right up to the 7th sphere and because of that we are given a glimpse ourselves. I say a glimpse, because it is apparent that words are not enough to describe the beauty, love and peace in these places. I am a very visual person and I let my mind imagine according to his descriptions and I catch a flash of something, but then I feel this block in me and just have to understand that my current soul condition cannot comprehend such places, though I am grateful and moved by the glimpse’s that Aphraar reveals.

I have much sin (actions, thoughts, emotions, desires out of harmony with Love) to work through before I can see a wider panorama of these things. I have many things to correct in myself and many things to embrace too and I will admit when I look out of my window and compare the world as it is now and my relation to it – that I am in a similar condition, I do sigh heavily about the long road I have to travel to get there.

One of the key things that Aphraar learns in Through the Mists is that there is no instant spiritual growth and there are many passages referring to this and a beautiful poem that I will put at the end of this blog, but for now Aphraar summarises , “ Salvation does not guarantee a sudden transition from debauchery to the white-robed through, from the ribald profligacy to ‘sing the song of Moses and the Lamb’; it means ‘acceptance in the beloved’ when the penitent  prodigal has carried out his determination to arise and go to his father – has made the pilgrimage from the far country to the homeland..”

In the book, Aphraar debunks the Christian beliefs about heaven being a place where everyone is sitting around playing harps and singing, “Glory, glory, glory.” As you will see if you read the books, life is very real in spirit life, maybe more so than here, because you are seen clearly as you are – you cannot put on a facade and pretend: it is all out there for everyone to see. For me, I am beginning to long for that, I am tired of the facades I have. It is exhausting and like existing in a black and white movie: limited and grey.

Aphraar’s story makes me long for the technicolour life: I love the beauty of nature here on earth, but I long to see the nature in its full, magical abundance as Aphraar describes it; I see the wonder of people changing here, but it feels very small compared to what he describes and experiences for him and others that he meets and observes there.  A life of continual growth and change, rising us up and taking us home – our real home.

But a key point in this growth and change is US. God has provided the solid foundation and the means for us to grow, but we are the catalyst: we have to want it, desire it. Your will notice in the quote above that the prodigal “carried out his determination to arise.” He had previously used his desire in a negative way, even though he didn’t feel it was negative at the time as he was just using his free will (sound familiar?). In the end it didn’t make him happy and in suffered and it was only when things hit absolute rock bottom that he realised his mistake (sound familiar?),  and that he had sinned – he faced the truth about himself and did what he could to return, even willing to return to his father’s house as servant. Again it was his desire, but this time a loving desire and only his desire, his willingness to return, humbly that achieved his goal. We must want to go home and like the father in the story, God will run towards us and prepare a feast to celebrate our return.

The story of the prodigal son is a wonderful story (Luke 15 v 11) – full of so much truth, hope and love and part of that truth is what we do with our will matters. We have free will and just as we put a lot of energy into using it in selfish and unloving ways, we can use it in more powerful, loving ways and this book gives information on where that can take us.

I do feel I have a mountain to climb and I do feel I have taken myself a few steps up and then fallen down again at times and in that I have sat, stubborn, apathetic, tired and despairing at times. There are many reasons for all of those emotions and my lack of action, but I don’t completely give up ever and if you have read my blog you will know some of the difficulties of the path I am attempting to follow, but I also know it is only me that gets in the way. It’s my choice every time, as it would be on an actual physical walk up a mountain, to stop, to give up, to get up , to try again: something inside hopes and longs to see the view from the top.

The funny thing is I absolutely love mountains. The first time I came across mountains and climbed them I felt like I was flying: I didn’t care too much about the aches in my legs or the thoughts of ‘how much further.’ I just love the feeling of getting higher, the sense of achievement, the expectation of what might come next, overcoming challenges and the absolute joy of reaching the top and discovering that the view from the top was so much better than you even imagined! The air feels clear, the sense of space is incredible and then there is the beauty you witness: the surrounding hills, plains, forests and lakes, the sky, clouds and birds who feel close enough to touch. Then around my feet, rocks, grass, small mountain flowers: breathtaking. I never want to go back down, because I never feel as free down there and I want to feel free.

In those moments, I want to drop the weight of my pain, the armour of my facade and I want to see if I can touch the sky and I wonder who is in the sky: are you there God? Can I reach your from here? Can I feel your breath? Touch the sun and look at things through the soft light of the mountain: true or not, God feels closer on the mountain top.

When given a view of the seventh sphere, which is the sphere that those who are seeking a relationship with God, have received a large amount of His love through their desire to do so, are in a transition: from human to divine angel. They are about to take off, to traverse mountain peaks much higher than we imagine, one’s so high they were not previously in sight.

Aphraar becomes speechless with the atmosphere of “irresistible happiness,” and the sight of “some azure-tinted, celestial mountain.”  He further describes, “Heaven lay unrolled before me. I can find no other way to convey even a crude suggestion of the scene – its purity, its  beauty and its peace…in the distance – however far the eye might travel – undimmed, distinct and vivid as the foreground, there rose to view chain on chain and tier on tier, the heavenly mountains – countless hills on which equally countless terraces were spread – terraces large as plateaus, each vying with other in mansion, parks and flowers, like models of angel cities standing in galleries Divine, all canopied with the smile of God. Each terrace was bathed in its own distinctive glory, the brilliance increasing with the ascent… “

And this is just the sphere before the true Celestial spheres. To give you some idea of the mountain  to climb, the earth is currently in a first sphere condition – not even at the top of the first: from hellish conditions rising to increasing light and beauty, until we have grown more in love, to move to the 2nd sphere, and onwards. All of us can do it. Everything is in place for us to start the climb – it is just up to us now to make the choice. You can get to the 6th sphere, without God, or to go on beyond there and infinitely, you have to want a relationship with your true Parent. Jesus describes the two paths as the natural love path and God’s way of Love. To me it’s like deciding to climb Ben Nevis or Everest: both have good views, but which mountain has the greatest view – the one that takes us to the greatest heights.

But there is no instant way, no quick fix; we are responsible for correcting our mistakes, for choosing to learn about Love, or wanting a relationship with God. The Father has a feast waiting for us and She has cleared the path for our return, but we have to investigate, to wonder, to want God’s version of Love and Truth and surrender our own: to be born again – not through the sacrifice of anyone, but through the example of the first man who found the way home to His father, to our Father.

We can decide to climb the mountain and we can stubbornly say we know the way and insist we find our own way without help and guidance: we are likely to get more lost that way, to face more danger, to want to give up. Or we can take the advice of those who have travelled this path already and know the route well.  The guiding hand is there – He’s just waiting for us to take it.

Maxine Bell Oct 2018

Here is the poem from Through the Mists: Chapter 17: A Poetess at Home

Waiting

Waiting now upon the threshold,

Just within the porch of life;

Safe from all the storms and tempests,-

Hushed the discord and the strife;

Stilled the heart with its wild beatings,

Calmed the hot and fevered brain

Waiting now, and resting sweetly,

‘Til the Master comes again.

 

Waiting, where the rippling wavelets

Of life’s river lave my feet;

Washing off the stains of travel,

Ere the Master I may greet;

Till the voice is full and mellow,

And I learn the sweet, new song;

Till the discord is forgotten,

That disturbed my peace so long.

 

Waiting, til the wedding garment,

And the bridal wreath is here;

Till our Father’s feast is ready,

And then bridegroom shall appear

Till the seeds of life have blossomed,

And the harvest- home we sing.

Gathering up my life’s long labours

For my bridal offering.

 

Oh! ’tis not as men would teach us – 

Just one step from earth to God;

Passing through the death-vale to Him,

In the gard that earth we trod;

Called to praise Him while aweary,

Or to sing, while yet the voice

With Love’s farewell sob is broken,

Could we, fitly, thus rejoice?

No! we wait to learn the music,

Wait, to rest our weary feet;

Wait to learn to sweep the harp-strings

 

Ere the Master shall we meet;

Wait to tune our new-found voices

To the sweet seraphic song;

Wait to learn the time and measure,

But the time will not be long.

 

Wait to understand the glory

That will shortly be revealed

Till our eyes can bear the brightness

When the book shall be unsealed.

 

Oh! the vision would o’er power us,

If it suddenly were given

So we wait in preparation,

In the vestibule of heaven. 

A Story about Hurt in Wolfdom

I have just read a wonderful story, written by a sister also trying to follow the Way. It is a lovely analogy of all of our stories and the hope we have to do things differently. Please check out the link below:

https://divinetruthhub.com/a-story-about-hurt-in-wolfdom/

A message from Paul

Notes Along The Way

Recently I had the privilege to speak with an old friend of ours in the spirit world.

Jesus and I were discussing what we remembered of Paul and his life on earth and Jesus suggested I speak to Paul directly. Since, at the time, we had no capacity to record the mediumship session, I channeled directly on paper.

While I am usually shy to share messages that refer to our first century life or identities, I thought others may benefit from Paul’s message. I especially enjoyed how he expressed the impact receiving God’s Love has upon our gender injuries and his description of how first century healings took place.

My questions to Paul are in italics below and his responses in regular text.

Questions for Paul – 13th August, 2018

What was it like when Jesus appeared to you? (reference to Paul’s conversion)

I heard his voice in my head…

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A SOFTER STEP WITH MYSELF

mirror image love self

I have recently become friends with a young woman who impresses me very much. She is humble, gentle and yet has a fire in her belly when it comes to following her passions and wanting to contribute something good to the world. She is willing to work hard and do what it takes to fulfil her dream, but she does it all in a quiet way. During one of our chats I told her about my blog and that it was about my search for truth and that I started it after I discovered the Divine Truth teachings and told her a little about them. I awkwardly explained that Jesus and Mary were back.

I still have fear and shame about saying that because I still want people to like me and not judge me. As soon as I do say it I can feel doors shutting and minds closing and receiving a “look” that ranges from doubtful to condescending. I hate the feeling that people think I am either mad or hugely gullible. The sad thing is it then prevents people from looking at the teachings themselves – they can’t see past the Jesus thing – so miss out on something wonderful because of their belief systems – and we have so many false ones around God and Jesus: both get mixed into religion and religion is man- made, not God made. Ironically, Jesus is mostly man-made as religion has translated his teachings to their own devices. And Jesus is Jesus – I’m pretty certain he is and I am certain HE knows who he is and I’m pretty certain because he walks he walks, he knows lots of things no one else done and he is as I thought he would be: kind, humble, direct and brave – those were my thoughts when I was 17/18, was a active part of a Baptist Church, but always getting into trouble for asking too many questions and in the end I left –but the other thing is I often cry just listening to him these days – there is so much sincere love in him and that is kind of love is rare and I feel it.

But I am digressing – because my friend did react a little, but she still went home and read some of my blog posts. I did warn her some of them are pretty intense – particularly the last one. (There’s that fear of other’s judgement of me again). I am not sure if she will read it again, but I wanted to share her feedback as it relates to what I wanted to talk about today. She said, “I have read some of your blog – it is intense, as you warned me, but I honestly think it is amazing Maxine how far you have come and how much you are committed to personal development even though that is such a challenge for all of us. I think you are very hard on yourself. Most people don’t even try. I know how hard it is to hear and accept it but really it is incredible everything you have come through and done and I hope one day you will truly appreciate this.”

The bit about my harshness with myself and her compassion for me brought up an emotion for me, one that is coming up in various shades a lot lately as I reflect on where I am at, what God’s Law of Attraction is showing is in my soul for healing: and it’s a lot about my lack of self worth and related to that is my addiction to being harsh with myself and I re-read my last post. I wanted to be very direct in my post as I felt it was important, important for me to talk about that subject as I am awakening to these things. However, there is a tone of severity in it and it’s not the first time. I have had so many events lately encouraging me to soften and have compassion with myself: to be patient and loving with myself.

I have felt I am being more loving with myself than I used to be and in many ways I am. My harshness took a severe form of self harm for years and that has changed, but self criticism and self judgement is insidious and so subtle day to day. I have been observing myself every day and noticing how just in a moment I judge. I have even found myself judging others for things I am insecure about in myself!  It has become a complete habit, an addiction – a normal way to live!

Watch yourself and you will find similar, in fact in the Western society I live in, it is positively encouraged to judge ourselves and others and often in very superficial ways. It is an awful way to live and I am beginning to feel a deep sadness about it and stopping the criticism when I notice it and looking more deeply into why I am doing it.

I agree with Jesus and Mary that as children we learn to judge, berate and belittle ourselves, because it is easier to do that than feel the pain of being judged, berated and belittled by our parents and in fact we even get rewarded for taking the blame at times.

My sadness is the rising of memories of how much I was blamed as a child for things that were not my fault – such as my mother’s unhappiness. That is a big weight for a child to carry on her shoulders. It’s the “I’m never good enough” emotion and it runs deeply in me. Sometimes I feel grief about it sitting in my chest and it starts to rise and it feels like it will choke me. I’m not quite willing to let it come all the way yet.

So in my last post there was a lot of truth in what I said about being very suppressed and the big impact on my life, but also a lack of compassion. So I have been experimenting -allowing more gentleness with myself and it feels so much better and emotions flow more easily: it’s a learning curve and ongoing process. I can feel this little girl in me and she is very sad about what was happening around and to her. To acknowledge her and let her cry – let myself cry will be such a relief. It will feel so strange too and it is also why it is happening very slowly right now in lots of little moments throughout the day, but it’s so much better to finally pay some attention to the pain.

Mary gave me some feedback in 2016 about being more compassionate with myself. It was feedback about an interview I did for a podcast where I hadn’t realised that I wasn’t being treated lovingly by the interviewer. That I didn’t notice unloving treatment hit me, but mostly what hit me was the love and compassion that I heard in her voice for me and I cried, both touched, but also finding it difficult to receive.

Two years on and I beginning to get it as I’ve been trying out and paying attention to God’s messenger – the Law of Attraction. I also notice how many more spirits surround me and join in with the harshness and when I am softer, they have less say and I feel lighter.

I have always been “strong,” and it is a quality that is admired in society, but I’m tired of it, tired of being told to keep going. I don’t want to be strong anymore, because actually I don’t even understand that term anymore. I may have kept going, picked myself off the floor a thousand times, but do you know what got me back up or stopped me killing myself even? It wasn’t the thought, oh I must be strong. It was hope, like a whisper in my ear – a feeling I can’t explain much more than and for a second I wasn’t alone.

I recently watched an old talk called “The Laws Governing Self Love” from 2009 after seeing a few quotes on Facebook from a Divine Love Daily quote page that was started. I found them difficult to watch and from what Jesus said so did most of the audience: we really struggle with self love. I have realised I don’t know much about self love, and I suspect most of us don’t and that talk highlights so many areas still to be understood about self love ( and Love).

The section of the talk about forgiving yourself was particularly poignant and at one point Jesus says, “A person who is merciful towards themselves doesn’t judge themselves for taking 25 years to get to a place that could have taken them 3 months. They don’t judge themselves about that.”

Recognise yourself? I did. No wonder I find forgiveness of others hard, I haven’t forgiven myself and I am pretty certain there are some things I think I need to forgive that weren’t my fault. But the list of things I need to forgive myself for is long and I can feel now that softness will allow that; compassion and understanding, which will allow me to love myself enough to cry and yes have mercy with myself, just as God does.

What beautiful words they are: compassion, gentleness, mercy, grace, forgiveness. I can feel some wonderful healing alchemy just saying them: there is movement in them, like a beautiful river. Very different from the sounds of judgement, harshness, critical and I wonder at the symbolism in the language, but it’s true – say them out loud and you will feel the difference.

So right now, in my life, I am very insecure about many things. I don’t really get how to love myself yet and I feel scared about lots of things. People scare me somewhat because I find it hard to believe I am lovable. I just to say this because I know so many of you feel the same inside yourself. But I am in a much better place than I was three months ago when I was pretending I was feeling great and trying to convince myself and others that I was heading for bigger things, and such similar things.

I am better because I am slowly learning not to hide away from myself and now I have the power to change things because I am bringing them out into the light. But most importantly, I am realising it is not about pushing, shoving  or forcing myself into submission, but leaning into patience, understanding and love with myself.

When I was a nurse, we didn’t stick a little plaster over a deep wound to hide it and pretend it wasn’t there. Instead we opened the wound, allowed pus to seep out and gently cleaned it every day, until all the yuckiness had gone and new cells then had room to grow and fill in the hole with fresh tissue and blood supply. We didn’t rush it, couldn’t rush the natural processed that needed to occur, allowing the body time to heal so that the job was done properly and would remain healed and healthy. We knew that the infection and the hole weren’t permanent, but just a consequence of an injury and we knew the body had an incredible capacity for healing, with tender care and patience.

So you see, I have known all along what to do!

Anger, Addiction, Suppression, Resistance and Denial: The Dark Night of the Soul.

dark and fire face

It has been a long time since I have written my blog. I have thought many times to write and then changed my mind, which relates to the comings and goings in my own soul: the feelings of overwhelm  – which I still don’t like and then dipping ( bit of an understatement) into resistance – preventing the flow and making words difficult. But I do have a desire to share so that it may help others just as other people words and experiences have helped me, so here I am.

I was completely blocking God and God’s truth out for a while, struggling with other issues in my life and stubbornly being self-reliant and following old patterns and addictions ( emotional and physical). But during the last couple of months my desire for change and to learn more has come back and I have been spending more time listening to videos and reading about God. What I have found really useful is journaling as soon as I wake. I scribble away about sleep state, dreams, things that that I felt the day before – just about anything, without restraint and I am learning things about myself all the time.

I love what I read about God and the universe we live in, most of the time, but sometimes the contrast between where I could be and where I am hurts and that is what I am going to write about.

To understand more of what I am about to talk about, it will really help you to listen to “How the Human Soul Functions” and “Emotions and Feelings” on the Divine Truth FAQ Youtube channel and on the Divine Truth channel, “Understanding your Emotional Self” from 2014. ( Also found on divinetruth.com)

I am going to list many of them and then explain further below: (please also see the glossary page for some short explanations of some of the vocabulary I use)

  1. I am an absolute Master of suppression, resistance, and denial.
  2. I am full of anger – mostly adult anger, related to my many, many addictions that I use to suppress, deny and resist more painful emotions such as fear, shame, grief.
  3. My anger is there every day ranging from mild annoyance to full blown rage. I do not allow it to be felt.
  4. I believe that controlling/denying/resisting my anger is a good thing, but God’s truth is if it is in me it is coming out into my environment, being projected at others. Denying it is the worse thing.
  5. God’s truth is my anger is very, very damaging to myself and everyone around me. It is hellish and whilst I have it in my soul I am in the Hells.
  6. I have not awakened to the sin (something out of harmony with love) of what holding onto my anger is doing to myself or others.
  7. I hold onto my anger as I feel in control and more powerful. I do not want to feel weak and vulnerable.
  8. Ironically, I am currently more able to be manipulated and controlled by spirits in my current condition. The feeling of power is a facade, but one that I like and I am willing to be in addiction with spirits to maintain it.
  9. My huge amount of anger and addictions is covering about a huge about of fear and terror that I don’t want to feel. I am very desensitised to most of my emotions, in fact.
  10. I am the creator of my own suppression, denial, resistance and substitution of emotions – though I was also taught how to this as a very young child, by my environment, but I have honed the skill!
  11. The original causes may be from my childhood, but I have added and added to them and in fact, whether I like this or not, I am the only one who can release all of my emotions. I am the only one who can allow the expression of my anger – allow it to flow.
  12. Expressing my anger must be done alone to be done in a loving way.
  13. The anger is part of my facade as are my addictions and it is will take an EXTREME use of my will to release and break down my facade. It will be the hardest thing I do, ever, I feel.
  14. Living in suppression and resistance and denial has not made me happy and has led to suffering and pain and will continue to do so if I continue to hold on, especially now I have heard God’s truth on this.
  15. But the suffering and pain is God telling me something is wrong – it is a message to call me to correct it, to try a new way: it is an act of love – something I struggle to understand emotionally as being shut down to emotions, also means I am shut down to love.
  16. God is offering me a solution in every moment, but I need to make use my free will in a loving way and allow myself to become sensitive emotionally, ( as God designed us to be), to develop a desire to love ( allowing myself to feel is loving), a desire to receive Gods love ( which will speed up and help the whole process), a desire for God’s truth and a desire to be humble to truth and love and feeling all my emotions.
  17. When I accept all that I just said in point 16 emotionally, my life will change dramatically.
  18. When I accept point 17 emotionally I will know this.

 

This is a really important point that Jesus (AJ ) mentions again and again. We cannot KNOW something until we feel it emotionally. Our soul, which governs everything in our life, is emotional – it learns and experiences emotionally or for many of us now – it’s not learning much because it’s do full of error-based emotions. I can vouch for this from my personal experience. I am an intelligent person. I pick up a number of things quite easily. My IQ is pretty good.  Even Divine Truth I can spout off the theories and things I have heard Jesus and Mary say pretty well. However, despite all the things I “know” intellectually my life remains quite small and restricted. How come an intelligent person like me can’t sort that out? With all the information I am holding in my brain I should be in a high-flying career possibly, in a good relationship maybe and out there in the world, doing more, even having a few adventures. But also, I have listened to the Divine Truth teaching for 6 years and yet only a few small changes have occurred and in fact I am still dodging the big stuff all the time.

From that, it is logical and obvious that I don’t really know it. I have just retained information. If I really knew that Divine Truth and God’s Love would change my life in wonderful ways wouldn’t I be doing it every minute of the day? I am on my third reading of the Robert James Lee books, where there is such incredible information on the how everything in this universe is based in Love and how much God is doing to call us home to know our true selves and to know Him, to be happy. I do cry  when I read some parts of it. It does touch me in some way, but if I really believed everything Aphraar tells us in that book, I would be living and breathing those truths every minute of every day. I am not. Therefore, something is stopping me from truly knowing and understanding it and it’s not my intellect. Also, I am very determined about something when I want to be. So I have a strong will, but it is questionable in how I am using it right now.

So if it’s not my intellect and not a weak will, as such, it has to be emotions. Over the years I have tried many ways to heal – Christianity, atheism, psychology, therapy, hypnotism, NLP and various other new age methods, yoga, meditation, chakra clearing and the list goes on. They helped somewhat for a short while, but inside lay this deep despair at times, a feeling of lack about myself, a hopelessness about love, confusion about life and much self doubt and poor decision making.

So it is and has to be emotions in me. I haven’t known the truth emotionally indicated by my life and how I feel. For instance, at work I have had a facade of confidence, capability, but many times I would go home and cry, criticise myself, feel crappy, eat a lot to comfort/suppress and also get mad at people for not helping or making me feel better ( addiction).

The world is currently in a state of avoiding and being terrified by emotion. The world is currently in a terrible state: wars, lies and deceit, secrecy, fear, poverty, children are being murdered by the millions. Our desensitisation is not working! Our hidden dark emotions of anger and fear rule our lives. It is so obvious really. We have created many things from our intelligence – space rockets, computers, medicines, but we can’t feed everyone, or provide shelter for all, or take care of the plants and animals that actually help us sustain life. Something is wrong and it is not our intellect.

So despite all my “efforts” at healing, I am now in the place of having to face the truth of the layers of what I feel is protection and safe, but actually, is just a pile of addictions and anger to avoid how I really feel; how  much fear and shame and sadness is still in my soul. I keep trying to skip the anger as I was taught it is not something that is not “ladylike” to express; I have to be a “good girl;” if I express I am damned to hell forever; I will be punished, denigrated, shamed and blamed; I am selfish and horrible; afraid of what expressing my anger will mean/where it will lead.  All these false belief systems that I live in and ignoring God’s truth that I am allowed to express my anger ( lovingly) and it is good for me to do that as it’s the top layer; it’s loving to myself and the world to let emotions flow.

Firstly, I am letting the people who taught me all that still rule my life and I am shutting out the one parent, who loves me unconditionally. My God is fear, a prison of my own making. But WE CAN ONLY CHANGE THE THINGS WE STOP DENYING and I guess I am moving out of the denial phase. I have been doing that very slowly for the last couple of years, but now I am facing up to the fact that i do have a big pile of unloving emotions in me and sitting on top of everything is my anger/addictions and a huge facade.

I need to and am beginning to want to swing the pendulum of my strong will across from suppression, denial, resistance, substitution and fear over to one of truth, love and humility. Even as I say that I can feel how difficult love is for me and I feel overwhelmed with the task ahead, but fifty years of destroying my life in many ways so what is another fifty sorting it out – though the more desire I develop for Love, Truth and humility the faster I will progress. But in perspective I will have a much longer time of good things that the fifty years of hell I may have been in.

I am curious and that helps me: What is it like to be an emotional being? Can I really feel that God exists and that She loves me? What would heaven be like? What is love like? What is it  like to be truthful and fear less? Who am I really without all this “mud” stuck to me? So many questions and curiosities stirred by discovering these teachings and witnessing first hand two people walking that walk.

So what will help me/us?

  1. Developing a sincere desire to Love and be loved, particularly from God.
  2. Developing a sincere desire to receiving God’s truth.
  3. Developing humility – the sincere desire to feel all my emotions all the time and to receiving truth.

These three things will include help me have a strong will to release my anger, my addiction and break down my facade. From then underlying emotions will be able to flow out more easily. My hurt child will be able to grieve, my fear will be able to be felt.

Please note  – in saying this I am saying what I have learnt from Jesus and Mary who DO know this because, unlike myself yet, they have done it – they are doing the experiment and they and their lives have and are changing. But intellectually, it makes some sense to me – having tried pretty much everything else!

In the new age world, the dark night of the soul refers to feeling painful emotions, suffering in some way. I now feel that it may be difficult to feel certain emotions, but that is not where the dark night of the soul is. The dark night of the soul is the denial, suppression and resistance we are in; the life of physical and emotions addictions we live in day in, day out, where we cling to our “comfort” and “security” , but are in fact living in dark prisons of our own making, thinking and feeling small; living lives far away from what God intended. We are living in a dark, grey world from our souls’ perspective and the only way to bring in the light is stop the denial.

I have so much more I would like to say, but it is a long blog and well done if you have gotten to the end. I will write a follow up. The Divine Truth teaching shakes us to the core, but goodness we need it. Looking truthfully at ourselves, at our world right now will change everything.  It’s not pretty, but it’s not permanent, but we need to take the first step.

WE CAN NOT CHANGE THE THINGS WE ARE DENYING AS THEY DON’T EXIST UNTIL WE SEE THEM.

@Maxine Bell

 

Jesus & Mary: December 17

Hi… this is a newsletter from Mary and Jesus and what they have been doing. I am so overwhelmed and blown away with the thought and organisation that goes on “behind the scenes” of sharing their knowledge and love with the world.

Also, a little while ago I wrote about a blog about how taking action is essential if you want to bring up emotions and that God wants us to experiment and I have breaking out of my own apathy in the last year. (another post on that in the future) but in this newsletter Mary highlights something really important about taking action that gave me a ping moment about myself so thanks Mary! I won’t give the game away, but do take a peek…

Notes Along The Way

Time for another newsletter from Jesus and I.

First up, I know that many of you have been patiently waiting for a new video from us for 10 months. I’m pleased to let you know that we have just made 14 new presentations live on our main YouTube channel.

In all we have almost 60 new videos loaded on the channel and they will all gradually become public as Jesus finishes adding the descriptions and other final settings over the next week.

Jesus has been completing the work for the YouTube channel as I write this today and I just realised that it is the 25th of December. For people who don’t “do” Christmas, it does seem as though we are delivering you with a Christmas present of sorts.

This time of year tends to afford Jesus and I some quiet space to work on projects or ourselves while others…

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