THOUGHTS ON LOVE

love-is-a-gift

We live in a world where we say “there are plenty more fish in the sea;” where we console ourselves over lost love by imagining another person is out there and that our perfect mate is our choice. We just have to find the “right” one and often these days we have a list of requirements: tall, slim, happy, positive, makes me laugh, kindness, takes care of me, nice eyes, long legs, large breasts, intelligent, sexy, a good cook and so the list goes on.

In the process of looking for a good match, we make mistakes and kiss many “frogs” before we find out prince or princess. This is the same whether straight or gay. We keep looking for that other half to fulfil our lives, that person who will make us happy and whom we can share our lives with and yet we don’t want to admit there is maybe just one other half. The truth is we are told there is not just one special person, that there are many who we could match with and we just look for that best match. A few people believe in finding “The One”, but are often mocked about this. Our ideas about love and relationships is very confused and contradictory.

In the western world, at least, our ears are constantly filled with songs of broken hearts and lost love. The other side of the coin is the number of programmes about dating, finding dates, and even weddings. We are certainly looking, but in fact many of us are pretty confused about the whole thing. I recently watched a few episodes of a programme in the in the UK called first dates. I felt it was a bit of escapism, but I also think inside I am also trying to work out this love/relationship stuff, just like the rest of you. Before the dates they are the participants what they are looking for and in so many people I notice the first things people list are physical, even down the type of teeth, the next most common thing is “fun,” “make me laugh” and “be positive and happy.” ( to me this indicates how afraid we are of each other’s sadness) .For women the other frequent request is be a gentleman and be big/strong;  keep me safe and take care of me. There is very little mentioned about personality, qualities, ethics, morals, or much of any real depth. It may possibly be there, but they don’t say it.

Between the lines there is a lot of disappointment, confusion and hurt about love and relationships as well as a huge amount of fears about not being loved and accepted and safe. I too have these emotions, but what I have realised lately is that I have never felt truly seen or loved for myself. I always had this feeling that any mistake I made I would be punished and rejected. My belief is that to be loved I had to be perfect.

Then it hit me that the other side of this was that I had never allowed myself to be truly seen and that I didn’t even love or know myself so how could expect anyone else to love the real me. I don’t even know the real me, myself yet. I learnt early on in my childhood, like many of us, that to receive “love” I had to become the person that was acceptable to my parents and other adults around me. I had to be “good girl” or “helper” or “servant” or any other role that fitted their beliefs about me. I don’t remember my mother ever asking what dreams I had or what I would like to be. I just remember if I showed an emotion she didn’t like or expressed something she didn’t understand or want to hear or was too busy to listen too I was shut down, screamed at or ignored. So to not get punished or yelled at or ignored or rejected by my parents I became what they wanted and the feeling I have now is that “I” fragmented across the universe somewhere; went into hiding and quickly formed a facade that helped me survive, but in the long-term was and is deeply painful and got the point until recently where I really believe my facade is me.

This is the truth for most of us in one form or another and so we grow into adulthood with roles. For men is could be provider; strong; capable; husband; lover ( who knows what he’s doing)  or “DIY-er, for example. For women there are  many roles: carer; mother; nurturer; helper; virgin; sexy; sister; friend; multi-tasker and these days we are often expected to be able to and expected to be all of them plus have a career. It is pretty exhausting. But which one or any of them is us, the real us?

We can’t find love, I haven’t found love because I haven’t found me, and I haven’t found love because I haven’t even understood love. When I watched that dating programme I saw clearly, what Jesus has been teaching, that most relationships are based on co-dependency and we think that is love. We think that someone who fulfils all our needs or more truthfully, the “holes” in us is someone who loves us and we love someone if we fulfil all their needs: it is an emotionally addictive bartering system.The trouble with having a list of wants is that we are often never satisfied and is based on someone or both people sacrificing themselves or parts of themselves.

I can look back on all my relationships and see in each one I became who they wanted me to be. I fitted into their life, rather than discover what I wanted and when their were times I started to seek something for myself the relationship would start to break down: the bartering system started to shatter. In this process, I compromised myself in so many ways: self-love, sexually, ethically and morally. Over time, my disappointments and  hurts and pain got deeper and my demands to them got greater. I tried to have control over everything and I got angry and more in addiction. My fear and sadness got greater and the things I did and the things I wanted partners to do to stop me feeling my sadness and fear got darker.

Co-dependency is a sticky, thick, ugly thing. It is all about facade and it may feel “comfortable” or “safe” because it helps us avoid painful emotions, but is does not lead us to love. How can we be intimate when we are not being our true selves? We are being a lie and living a lie. I feel very sad about the lie I have lived for so long and because it has been lived for so long there is a lot of lies/facade to break down and a lot of unlovingness to myself and others to face.

So how to do we change it? How do I change it? For me, apart from a lot of self-reflection and increasing my longing to understand and know the truth I have also been trying to learn about love; the real truth about love – God’s truth about love. It isn’t easy and I find myself confused at times, fighting between old belief systems, the world’s belief systems, versus what Jesus and Mary are teaching. The facts are there though – look at the world – if we knew love, it would  not be as it is. If we knew about love, we would not be so obsessed with our version of romantic love that seems to go wrong constantly. We are not being honest that we just don’t know. The fact is I think we just have to start again – look at the whole thing again.

Something else has hit me in recent years and listening to Divine Truth is the idea that I have a soulmate – THE other half of my soul: the perfect partner for me, created for me by God. Yep, despite free will, it seems that we don’t have a choice in who our soulmate is! That is pretty confronting if you compare it with the world’s view. We can of course reject our soulmate and try to defy what God created for us, but for me it is a fact I can’t ignore. I am not sure if I have accepted it 100%, but I do know that I can’t just look at any man anymore. As those of you who have followed my blog you will know I have suspicion who my soul mate is, but because of all my emotional injuries I really don’t know for sure and to be honest, not even sure how I could have attracted him into my life even temporarily. I have some deep emotions to heal around gender and sexuality and other things.

But, logically, it makes sense that to know the other half of me, I need to start knowing who I am. If I want to be intimate with my other half, I have to find that intimacy with myself: fearlessly and I have to start challenging my beliefs about love because they sure haven’t worked so far.  The “love” I have known has been conditional and in God’s eyes that isn’t love. Jesus teaches, love is a gift: unconditionally and in my heart I don’t know that yet.

I have been reading a book called “Loveability: how to love and to be loved” by Robert Holden and he talks about our deep fear that we are unloveable and it has led to our obsession with falling in love. This obsession is about being loved rather than being loving, indicating that fear of unloveablity. He says we need to stop falling and start thinking what real love is. This is what Jesus has been saying for 2000 years – what is real love and indicating that real love is demonstrated constantly by God in so many ways in our lives.

In the book, unconditional love is summarised and is very similar to what Jesus teaches so I like what was written:

  • “Love is not an act… not an audition.”  Jesus says that love and truth go hand in hand so you can not love or be loved if you are in facade.
  • “Love is not  a bargain.. it is not a currency you buy things with…Love does not make deals. Love does not say, ‘I will give you love, but first you must give me something else.” This is the bartering system I was talking about and most of us are in these type of relationships ( any type of relationship).  I love this quote by Hafiz, “Even after all this time, The sun never says to the earth: “you owe me!”
  • “Love is not idolatry… when you don’t feel equal you give yourself away and take on a role.. they block intimacy. They conceal dishonesty.” I have done this many times – made myself smaller, less important than the other. If you make someone else higher than you, you live in fear and suffering: this is not love. It is a lack of self-love at the very least.
  • “Love is not special…. such as, “I’ve been saving all my love for you.” You are making someone into your “holy cow,”  Robert Holden says, and use them to “milk as much love as possible.” Love is not exclusive for one person, the goal is to love everyone. When you love you can love anyone ( though of course soulmate love or love with God with is different – though I will admit I am struggling with this one).
  • “Love is not selfish..Love is full of desire. You are intent on knowing the whole person… drop the mask and stop hiding. ” This makes me feel that Love is brave and open: it flies and dances. I have felt lust and infatuation – both feel addictive and selfish – it is all about what you can get.

I think hearing that Love is a gift has been one of the most important things I have heard. It really made me think about my demands, my fears and truly how loving or not I have been over the years. From this point, I can ask myself: do I really love this person freely, without condition? Am I willing to gift my love without expectation or demand? Then if I feel any demand or expectation I know in that moment I am not loving them.

Also, do I really want to know them? Do I really want them to know me? Am I prepared to be vulnerable and open and humble to the errors and fears in me? This is intimacy – being prepared to be completely vulnerable and it scares the crap out of me and yet I am also curious. I have tried the other way and it has brought me much unhappiness, and suffering.

We need to be prepared to see the mountain of evidence that we know little about love and that’s okay. Just be honest about where we are at and build a desire to know the truth. When I was a child I had this feeling, among all the chaos around me,  that if they just loved more things would be better: that love would be the answer. When we are kids we do know much more than the adults around us often. I grew up sadly, feeling my heart had been very badly battered and bruised  – but it wasn’t and isn’t love that does that. It is not-love that does that. So to find love, to know love, we need to look at the not-love in the world: the not-love in ourselves, our false beliefs, our neediness, our fear, our grief.

We can’t change things we are lying about – because a lie isn’t a reality: it is a lie. Only the truth can create change, because it is truth and logically truth is real. For me, my personal truth is too impacted by emotional baggage at the moments so I look for a greater truth – a higher truth and only God has that. That is what makes God, God – she knows more than us – about love and about what is true. Jesus says to learn about love we have to learn about Love from someone who obviously knows more about love than us. Weirdly, we often try to learn from others around us who know as little or less than we do: we all scramble around in the dark together. So stop scrambling and look for someone who carries the torch. Only they can show us the way: the ones who carry the light: there are a few on earth, but a more guaranteed source in God. Praying for the faith to really know that in my heart – what a day that will be!

@2017 Maxine x

 

 

 

 

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The Difference Divine Truth Has Made To My Life

I haven’t written for a while as there are some changes happening and I am re-evaluating my blog – well my life actually. I have been taking some actions to help myself follow my desires, find work I love, find out more of who I am. I have been very busy and struggling at times with my 9-5, Monday to Friday job. Also, the last 15 months have been intense with things I have had to do for my son, who is an adult with Down’s syndrome. That story is a whole new post, but needless to say it has impacted life greatly and I have to look at my law of attraction and what it is really saying to me – not what I think it is saying.

I don’t find that easy, but the fact is I haven’t created much time to think about God or the Divine Truth teachings. I haven’t been able to help with the transcribing or watch many videos. What I have been doing is to keep challenging some comfort zones and have done a course to help me discover my desires and give me some tools for that. It has been really good. I have done some performance poetry, which I have loved and wrote to people I never would have done before. There has been fear and battles with apathy and/or addictions, but I keep finding a step to take and it feels good.

I am also connecting with people again and boy that brings you lots to learn about yourself, your fears, your addictions and your fears. Much more effective than hiding away – which I was doing for a few years.

I haven’t found time for everything and certainly still not spending enough time on things I love, and still emotionally resistance to feeling the deep stuff. I have discovered how important being present in my body is to feeling and realised how long I have been escaping out of  my body to avoid feeling so now have some spinal work to see if that will help me unlock some emotions and of course I have to be willing.

I haven’t heard my guides for a while ( I don’t feel worthy a lot/resistance or in addiction, which prevents them helping me), but today I was sitting knitting ( a new hobby) and it stops me thinking  and opens up another part of me and I started to write what I was “hearing” and got reminded that in all my busyness, my doing and trying, my intellectual working out of my issues, that I am still avoiding the big one: my relationship with God. Every time I have tried to do it, I stop as soon as I hit something, so my guides said that I need to prioritise above all else my relationship to God and all the things I am trying to and weighed down by will become clearer and easier. God’s love above all else will help me change my life. To feel my lack of faith, my blocks to God’s love are the biggest thing to focus on.

I have listened to this so many times from the DT talks, but like many, I keep going for the easier stuff ( or so it seems) as I don’t really know or have faith in the power of God’s love and I am afraid of it too. My guides gave me 4 pages of advice about this and then this is how it works. The law of attraction brought me a conversation with a friend, it triggered some emotions about men. I immediately went out for a walk, found a quiet country lane and stomped along swearing and ranting at God – so pissed at Him. I was rambling on like a mad woman until I actually ended up talking to my human father and crying about him and the feeling of never being good enough to be loved: touching the side of that deep fear that I am not lovable.

The funny thing is, I think of Divine Truth every day in some way and I wanted to write about the difference it has made in my life and I am not even on the Way yet, not properly. I haven’t opened to God’s love and I have lacked humility so many times. Yet, it has impacted my life hugely. What will it do when I really let God in?

Mary and Jesus visit 2012

So I thought I would write a list of how I feel Divine Truth teachings have helped me and changed my life already.   For those of you who are curious maybe this will make you more curious. What I do want to do is acknowledge what it has done, with gratitude to Mary and Jesus (That’s me in 2013 – yellow top, just behind Mary and Jesus) for sharing what they know, with so much patience and compassion and for God, for creating such a system, that doesn’t let us get away with anything, but takes us to a place, a path, to our real, amazing selves. I am getting an inkling of me, a twinkling out of the corner of my eye, enough to make me look further. There are others such as Jesus and Mary, and the people like Aphraar ( see Robert James Lee trilogy on the extras page) who know more than me so do look there. In the meantime, here is what the DT teachings have done for me:

  • Understand that I have a soul, a spirit body and physical body and that I am a soul and how that works
  • That I am created to be emotional and that my soul is the power, not my mind.
  • Some understanding of how the universe works, who God is and His Laws
  • The difference between God’s love and truth and human understanding of love and how little we/I know of real love.
  • To start to see the truth of my life and my soul condition, my emotional injuries and the sin ( things out of harmony with love) in me.
  • How my suppressed emotions impact the world negatively
  • How fear has been my God for a long time
  • That God is interested in me, the real me, the “pinnacle of his creation.” and not the facade me
  • That I matter.
  • That there are absolute Truths
  • Information and understanding of the spirit world and spirits.
  • Understanding of spirit influence in my life and how I can change that.
  • That what I think and what I feel can be very different and it is always the emotions in me that guide my life
  • Some understanding of soulmates – that God designed a perfect mate for me and why I we currently don’t know that because of our emotional injuries.
  • That I have spent much of my life in a facade, which has grown as I have grown, due to my fears and addictions to avoid my emotions
  • To have compassion with  myself
  • That following my desires and passions is important. That my unique gifts make a difference to my soul and to everyone else around me.
  • That there is a difference between natural human love and God’s love and they create two different ways of healing and growing and the potential of the second is far greater.
  • That all the information I have learnt ( as above) has given me hope and empowered me. I had thought that life was meaningless, empty, but that it isn’t and that my younger feelings that Love guided everything is true and that I if I grow faith in this and God’s love for me, everything in my life can change.
  • I am becoming a better person because I can examine and feel more truthfully about when I am sinning. I have stopped denying I have these ugly emotions in me.
  • My desire to experience these emotions (without harming anyone) will set me free. I have the choice.
  • To seek for my real self, to seek beyond what I thought I knew.
  • To be truthful and that love and truth hold hands and one can’t exist without the other.
  • Without knowing some of the Divine Truth teachings I would not have coped with the cancer as well; I would not have understood it’s root and causes, I would not have found a reason to keep living.

Many of these statements are just intellectual understandings for me at the moment, some are hopes that they may be true and a few have really hit home. When I first listened to Secrets of the Universe back in 2012 it really hit my soul that truth I had been seeking was here. I didn’t anticipate how much it would rock my world and uproot every belief and everything I thought I knew. Until recently, I built any self worth I had on my intellect and then to learn that my intellect meant so little and in fact I honestly had to admit my intellect alone had not found the answers or healing I was seeking. I have been and continue to be confronted with my own unlovingness, my own lies and self-delusion: in fact most of the things I have known have been shown to be wrong and boy do I resist the change, the challenge to my belief structures and hold onto fears and anger:  anything to feel safe.

BUT I have not been happy in my so-called “safe” zones. I have been a shrivelled mask of my self, disconnected and disassociated from real love and life. With Divine truth I have seen things differently, experimented with new ways and admitted truths to myself and it has made me now think more carefully about my choices and my behaviour: asking what is really loving in this moment? What would Love do? What is God’s truth?

It turns out that God’s truth is that we are all very, very important; very, very loved and with a ton of potential to be amazing ten times over, once we choose to seek true Love. Divine truth has and is changing my life and this is with only small steps on my part. I observe others doing better on the path than me and so the changes in their lives are greater and for some reason I can never and do not want to let it go. There is nothing like these truths. This is not meant arrogantly: I have tried many other things and beliefs and nothing sparkles in my soul like this.

It has gifted me so much already and I don’t think I know it fully yet, but it has. My outlook on life has changed and now my actions are starting to follow in certain areas, at least. What we are seeking is already here. I hope in the next few years I can demonstrate more, and be walking my talk more than I am now. But whatever I do, you can choose to check it out for yourself and if you do I hope some of the things on these pages help you.

In gratitude,

Maxine

 

Jesus promise

 

 

 

Said Better Than I Can and One of The Greatest Gifts I Can Give You…

After a few weeks of resistance and rebellion and not feeling happy at all in that space and then spending a good amount of time in nature this weekend -swimming in the sea, walking on the moors, by rivers, where despite ranting at God, when faced with such beauty I can not help but be awestruck and challenged by the different perspective that beauty and the love of it’s creation/Creator confronts me with. I am still feeling bloody-minded (there are fears I don’t want to feel), but I came across these interviews from 2011, after a friend was interested in what I was telling her about the divine truth teaching and having not seen these all the way through before, found them really good and poignant for me to feel other things beside just my resistance. Just can’t deny these teachings or these two amazing souls!

In the first video Jesus and Mary talk about their identity, why they are back on earth, who God is, why we struggle with believing in God, soulmates, and a basic summary of what they teach and demonstrate. In the second video the subjects range from the Law of Compensation, forgiveness and repentance, non-violent resistance, why Hitler came about, 9/11 and earth changes. All really interesting stuff and a good introduction (along with Secrets of the Universe talks on the Divine Truth information page on this website) – if you want to get an overview of what I talk about regularly or are just curious about the fact Jesus and Mary are back on earth. They are interviewed by Geoff Whitehouse who says he has been an atheist for 20 years or so and been reading Richard Dawson and suchlike, but meeting Jesus and Mary has made him rethink…

PART 1

 

PART 2

Be open, enjoy.

Maxine

DIVINE TRUTH VOLUNTEER TRAINING PROGRAMME: LOVE IN ACTION

Hi everyone,

I am really excited to share an amazing video today made by Nicky Primetica, who has a website called http://www.divinetruthhub.com. Nicky has been experimenting with Divine Truth and God’s way of love for about 3 years and along with my friend Courtney and others were invited to participate in a Volunteer Programme over in Australia for about 9 weeks. The Volunteer Programme is based on God’s Way of Love. It is the Divine Truth teachings in action and may help you understand my enthusiasm for these teachings and the impact I believe they can have in the world if we follow them and the example of those who are walking The Way.

The video, also ties in very nicely, with the previous blog I published by Peter Lytton -Hitchins, about land recovery. God’s Way of Love, of course, includes caring for our environment and it’s creatures and this video shows some of the method’s being used by Jesus and others to improve, re-nourish and enliven the land, and to live in harmony with it.

For me personally, this video is also feeding my own desire to attend the Volunteer Induction Programme. My desire is growing every day and is even there in my sleep state. The induction programme is a little different to the Volunteer Training Programme in this video. The training programme is for those who have already shown a sincere desire to serve, where at the Induction Programme is a trial to see if you have a true desire to serve and a willingness to be humble and seek God. There is a specific criteria for attending that Mary has published so please read this first if you have an interest in the programme: https://mary.divinetruth.com/2017/02/07/volunteer-induction-programme/

The video is nearly 2 hours long, but it well worth watching and if you have been interested or trying to understand why I feel the Divine Truth teachings are the answer to the all our problems and can create long-lasting change, then this will give you a small taste.

Nicky has listed some useful websites in the comment box after the video if you want to know more.

Please enjoy and thank you so much for making the film Nicky…and to all those who took part in it. Wonderful stuff!

 

If there is any issue with the link – please go to youtube and put in the search bar “The Divine Truth Volunteer Training Programme.

with  love

Maxine

 

 

SURVIVING AIN’T LIVING

fight-or-flight-uncertainty

I had a realisation in early November that I had spent a lot of my life in survival mode. In fact it has become a recognisable bed I was lying in, but not a very safe one. The last 3-4 years have been particularly bad and my external life had reflected that financially, in my home situation, physically via the cancer and emotionally just feeling numb and being okay about having so little.

Living in survival mode means you are always living in fear: fear of death, fear of destruction, fear that the few things you have in life will crumble away and you will fall into the abyss.  That is how I have felt for as long as I can remember. This terrible fear led to becoming a control freak – trying to manage aspects of my life – money, relationships, day to day living, and my son – so as to feel “safe.”  Living in the fear, but pretending to yourself you are not; “its okay you’ve got it all under control Maxine.”

But the fact is in all those aspects of my life, I may have controlled them or felt I did, but they weren’t natural or loving and none were being done very well. Control does not allow for love to flow and controlling addictively to avoid fear is unloving. Avoiding fear, living in fear is unloving, restrictive and self-denying as well as unloving to others as to avoid feeling vulnerable you try to control those around you, sometimes heavily disguised as “taking care” of them, but still controlling them.

Being in survival mode is really bad for your health too. When we are in flight or fright mode we produce adrenalin by the pint and all this adrenalin constantly pumping around our system isn’t good. In the end it creates a toxic environment and it is exhausting. Now that I have started to pay attention to my fear, I have become aware that daily I do so many things to avoid feeling unsafe physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I have become an expert in batting back, ducking, avoiding, distracting myself from feeling fear. In the process I have created a facade that is dull and hard and uncreative. I have lost more and more of myself.

However, compassionately, there are some deep causal events and emotions that started this whole survival mode. John Bradshaw, in his book Homecoming, says “a witness to violence is a victim to violence.” I had a father who was violent, a step father who was even more so both, physically and mentally to my mother. I sat on the stairs or behind my bedroom door many times listening to the shouting and violence going on near me. I even have a memory of standing in my cot and feeling this big dark red cloud coming into the room. It was rage – I think it was my father’s rage, at my mother, I don’t have the details, but I feel panicky and scared…and there is still much I haven’t remembered yet.

Then there is the other violence, of being shouted at, clipped round the ear, blamed and shamed in one way or another as my parents, unable to cope with their own emotions, sent them my way. The terror that comes when you think your mother has killed herself – again and again and again: all these things and so many more.  I wish my experience was unusual, but it isn’t or am I minimizing it? As a small child, all these things shake you to the core and it has left me with the constant feeling that my world will end at any moment, that there is no solid foundation to exist from and at times no real love to be found.

When I hit the wall in November, my body aching from doing a job that was too demanding and pushing myself to the limits with it, and only months after major surgery and cancer and then coming home to live in a place I really don’t like, reduced down to living pretty much in one room with no space to get the things I love out – my art materials and writing materials and no money to buy new clothes when I need to or enjoy things I love, counting every penny and struggling to pay off some debts.

So I started to feel some emotions about it – yes mostly effect emotions – sadness, and some frustration, but mostly sadness, at the situation I was in, and created by my unhealed emotions, my choice to keep suppressing them. A painful realisation, but to be frank to feel something was a good thing and it created some small shifts in me, about what God wants for me and it not this – this small life.

In relation to this, for the last 2-3 of years I have also become aware that I have attracted a large group of spirits who do not want what is best for me, but only want to control my life, zap my energy and keep me small and at times completely destroy me. They have been with me for a good while I feel. By not feeling my emotions I allow that attraction to continue. It has been tough dealing with this. I feel them sitting on my shoulders, at times suffocating and crowded. It has kept me awake at night the last few months and I have felt I have no privacy whatsoever. Every time I try to take a step forward I feel they come for me. It has felt like a real battle for my soul. So I am in the process of feeling more truth about this, bit by bit.

I am letting myself feel that facade, I am returning to long-ignored passions that connect with my real self and I am doing a few things to come outside of my “comfort” zone/prison. They are a few small steps, but I am feeling a shift in some areas. I still have much to learn and feel and discover, but letting that control addiction go is tricky, but I really am beginning to dislike it. It doesn’t feel like me, just like a strange creature that has taken over. Plan A: to turn from rock to river!

I wanted to share this, to help those of you who may be doing the same as I have been. It is so important to be honest with ourselves, to look at our lives and see what it is showing us about our unhealed emotions, our self worth and our denial. We do have the power to change all this and we have much greater power to change all this if we include God in the process.  Step one, for me, is working through blocks to receiving God’s love. (which would so help me soften to emotions).

The blocks I think I have identified about God are (constantly up for review!):

  • Anger that God has made this so difficult (I feel it is very difficult).
  • Fear I will never receive God’s love/lack of faith
  • False beliefs about God judging me and deciding I don’t deserve Love ( parental stuff)
  • An addictive demand that God should give me love despite my lack of desire/fears about receiving or when I am being unloving.
  • Lack of faith that God is good and that her Love will make me happy.
  • I have more faith in my addictions
  • Lack of self worth prevents the openness to receiving.
  • A fear of emotional overwhelm/losing control if I receive God’s love; what will happen?

 

These realisations have created some changes. A week after my meltdown a new job came up and I got it and I am working in a more loving environment – though still having to watch my own self care in it, and with that my finances have improved and I am looking for somewhere new to live, and I am writing more and have joined something called solo autobiographical theatre which is triggering memories and emotions and pulling me out of a comfort zone and challenging me to do it despite fears that come up.

The Divine truth teachings are never far from my mind and heart. The God blocks are still there, but by listening to the videos by Jesus and Mary, I learn about God’s truth and re-educate myself about Love and Truth and error and as always nature is one of my greatest teachers about God and her Love. Also, books like the Robert James Lee trilogy (see the extras page) give such hope and wonder and curiosity to keep searching and investigating the truth about God, and Love and life. I am blessed to have this knowledge and experience at my fingertips and I do not want to walk away from it until I start to really walk it and keep walking it, with no turning back and no fear.

This year is about my moving out of survival mode, of really finding out what being me is about, what loving myself is really about: to move from the pretend love that feeding my addictions gives me and finding out what God’s love really feels like.  To create a blunt analogy I feel I have been clinging to a pile of hard crap that I have convinced myself was a soft cushion: comfortable, but sticky and not allowing me to move much. Clinging because I felt there was this deep bottomless pit below, a drop into the unknown, to a point of meaninglessness and death, very related to childhood fears and flight/fright mode.  Now it is time to let go of clinging to this crap, falling into the abyss…whatever it may. My feeling is instead of nothingness or danger , I will find God’s hands there ready to catch me and lift me up to greater heights, even with wings to fly – just has he planned. I can see even see that knowing smile…… Yes my child, here YOU are… here you truly are…

Oh goodness, now won’t that be wonderful…

Maxine

Previously on.. An Education in Love

I don’t know what to say, but each assistance group get’s better and better. I have listened, but not acted on what I have listened to so far. Current events in my own life, my further suffering and pain, have caused me to confront more truth in myself, step by step and to really try to see that what I understand as love is mostly very wrong and extremely fear based. Fear has and is still my God, but watching these 2016 assistance group videos ( downloaded on divinetruth.com) are truly wonderful. I still have to do all the homework from them, and am just currently jotting down initial feelings and thoughts that arise. As Mary as done, asking myself questions – hopefully the right ones – in order to see truthfully where I am at and where I might like to be. Jesus is, as ever, direct, loving and truthful. This is great, great stuff – more than most of us realise and Mary’s own voice, via her blog, is honest, encouraging and heart-provoking. Go on… experiment… have a peek…

Notes Along The Way

Recapping the ‘Developing My Will to Love’ Group

“I like Homeland, but I don’t think it’s as good as that other show, Previously on Homeland. That thing is action-packed.”—Amy Poehler at the 2013 Golden Globe Awards

Watching Group One

I had so much fun binge watching the recordings of our first Assistance Group – Developing My Will to Love.

Just like when I’ve seriously watched TV programmes in the past (BSG – I mean you) I went through the full gamut of emotions while watching these groups – anticipation, sorrow, laughter, cringes and so on.

I called Jesus on numerous occasions to tell how amazing he was. I wrote down certain things he said verbatim because I want to print them on t-shirts (or maybe tattoo them on my forearm for life-long handy reference).

At various times I talked out loud to the TV screen.

And…

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Let Love Lead the Revolution in Your Heart

An old blog of Mary’s from 2011 ..but a fabulous one.

Notes Along The Way

We have been traveling a little lately and receiving emails. I know that many on the Divine Love Path are feeling a bit lost. AJ hasn’t given a talk for some months and the addiction to his energy and direction is beginning to be challenged in many.
I see some people floundering to know what the rules are for living this Path, seeking to understand it from their intellect. I see many repeating AJ’s words and applying them to situations in which they were not originally applied. People are wanting to ‘do as he does’ without firstly understanding emotionally what and how he does things. This can be a very dangerous practice. The Divine Love Path is not a code of conduct and we cannot grow in love by following a doctrine.
Love must lead the revolution in our hearts and lives; otherwise we have not truly changed. We can…

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A Whole World Afraid To Feel – And My Struggle To Surrender – Part I

This holds SUCH TRUTH. Well worth a read.

A blog from 5 years ago and looking at Mary today she has learnt to surrender much more and is living proof of it’s power. It is something I have yet to do…

Notes Along The Way

The whole world is afraid to feel in one way or another and it is my belief that that is where most of our problems begin…

We are afraid to feel shame, so we hide ourselves, we create barriers within. We harbour things we don’t want anyone else to see and through this process we become false, we loose connection with our true selves.

We are afraid to be different, ridiculed, so we suppress our true selves to fit in with the crowd and through that we limit change, not only in our selves but in our communities and society

We are afraid to just grieve and feel loss and devastation, so we justify unloving actions, like violence, to save or avenge a life.

We fear the afterlife and the end of relationships through death, so we go to extraordinary measures to cling to the physical body. Because we are…

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Jesus & Mary: April/ May Newsletter

Notes Along The Way

After the lovely response we received after our ‘Super, Duper Update’ in March, I have decided to write a regular update of our lives and any news-ey things for you here on the blog. That way – especially during this time that we aren’t producing new videos – you know how we are doing and what we are up to.

I’ll be honest; I originally planned to write a monthly update. But at the end of April I thought to myself ‘well we really don’t have much to say, I’ll write my newsletters once every two months’.

<Cough>

Then I wrote you this update after two months and it was clear I totally needed to rethink my plan.

This is a long update.

Once I got to writing I had to laugh at myself. I realised that there actually was lots to share.

So in future I’m probably going to…

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THE EXPECTATION OF A SEQUEL…..

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I have been thinking how difficult it is to come back as Jesus and Mary Magdalene. There are SO MANY expectations and projections to face, so many misrepresentations to fulfill, so many stories to correct, so much hate and judgement to face. To come back really is such a huge act of love and courage that mere words can not express.

So let’s look at what they have to face:

MARY MAGDALENE

Mary has 2000 years of projections and judgement about her as a whore: sidelined, pushed aside, judged by the church and its followers.  She has been ignored as Jesus’ Soul Mate and wife because of some false belief about religion, sex and virginity. God and therefore Jesus are sexless in the Church.

Her own role as teacher of The Way pretty much ignored… only recently coming to light through the Gnostic Gospels. Unfortunately, even the Gnostics, though beautifully written, feels full of embellishments, more expectations, intellectually out of reach at times for many. Jesus talks of At One Ment with God, the moment when a human is fully healed of emotional injuries and can receive a continuous flow of Divine Love. The Gnostics talk of the Bridal Chamber which may indicate this At One Ment but has also become a metaphor of Sacred “Sexual” Union. I have nothing against loving sex, in fact sex with our soul mate is how God intended it to be. Unfortunately, this term has, and ironically considering the projections at Mary, be used for tantric experimentation, even with those who are not our Soul Mate.

The new age spiritual movement, which encompasses many belief systems: a kind of exotic casserole, where you can pick out the bits you like, to grow in natural love. Here Mary has been expanded into an energy, a consciousness, a series of codes even, part of the Isis lineage, a goddess and the mother of a special bloodline. Many, many versions of her story have been written and channelled. Her status as Jesus wife reinstated, but expanded, twisted, embellished to suit other’s idea of her, to fit in with their own version of spirituality. The intention may be loving, but anything that isn’t truthful isn’t God’s way of Love: it is natural love ( our version).

Many claim they channel her and many claim to be her.  And believe you me, I also was attached to idea for a while that I was connected to that Magdalene/ Isis lineage. I loved some of the books I read about her. Since I was a teenager when I had a calling to let Jesus save me, joining a Baptist church with passion for nearly two years, I had felt something special about Mary Magdalene: I knew there was more to the story than what the Bible was telling me. So later on the extra bits I read and heard of appealed hugely. Many spirits and good intentions from friends in the physical world fed my need to feel special. Of course, what I needed to feel was how un-special I had always felt, but I am glad the illusion couldn’t and didn’t last too long because I wanted authentic me more than I wanted to be a priestess of Isis. Over time I felt more into what was true, prayed for truth and then Divine Truth entered my life. But for some its hard to let go of that…. it is very convincing and it is easier to feel special, to consider you may be a starseed, a light worker, a descendent of Jesus and Mary, than to feel how small you feel inside, and to admit maybe that just discovering the wonders of incarnating into this physical world and then spirit, being one of God’s children, is actually enough. But what is it like for Mary? She has come back as a good old Aussie girl… somehow this doesn’t quite match up to the grandeur of these tales. Well that is how it seems. Now that I have watched her teach and grow on her own healing journey ( through the videos and meeting her) I think she is one of the most, if not the most courageous woman I have met. She will blush at this, but its true: she is and I truly admire her guts.

She has to deal with all of the portrayal of her being a strong, highly evolved being beyond the average human: a great being; almost a demi- god who genes and energy stretches far and wide. Even if this were true, it is how it is perceived and translated that leads to misinformation and and unwillingness to really know her for who she is.

As a woman she has represented our strengths, the qualities we would like, as well as the wounds we want to heal. She helps us feel beyond our own sense of powerlessness and smallness. The new age spirituality uses her as a badge, an icon, a brand.

A thousand or more expectations and pre-conceived ideas. To shatter the illusion of Mary, whether good or bad would be to shatter our own dreams, hopes or untruths and for many that is too confronting.

JESUS: (Yeshua ben Joseph)

Jesus only has a little thing to live up to: as God’s only son, as saviour of us all if we will receive him. A whole religion, with dozens of different branches has sprung up from this teaching. Ironically it is that same church that has altered and changed the truth of his life in the first century many times. In fact it was over 300 years after Jesus’ passing into the spirit world that the church under Constantine decided to gather in the council of Nicea and declare and interpret Jesus’ teaching: to form Christian doctrine. They declared Jesus as “one true God in deity with the Father.” Suddenly Jesus was God. In a way as he has become the “friendly face of God.” As Christianity also embraces much of the Jewish Torah and Old Testament stories where God is portrayed as vengeful and judging and angry and from those qualities fairly unapproachable, the Church managed to produce someone more comforting and comfortable. This allowed them and us not to confront these untruths within and based the Church on fear, not love. When for me personally, Jesus has always been about Love, and about God as father/parent. Even when I was part of the church I felt this.

So not much to live up to: Jesus was God, expected to be perfect and with the weight of the world on his shoulders: to save us all; to help us admonish responsibility and accountability. The Church’s doctrine was almost governmental: controlling, disempowering and fear-based. Ideal for keeping the masses quiet. For Jesus this must have had its tough moments. He came to teach about the God’s Way of Love: to show us all that we are all God’s children and can all be what he became and more, by the use of our own will and humility. Jesus suggests we become close to God, not make Jesus God.

Then there is the book of Revelations where Jesus is expected to return on a cloud on the day of judgement and reign for 1000 years. During this time, all those who were  “saved” by him will be doing ok and everyone NOT. Again heirachy, specially chosen: this is not the teachings of Jesus I know or logically accept now.

He is expected to perform miracles, to save us, to save those who chose him as God: the special ones, who believe he has wiped away all their sins. He is meant to be virginal and celibate, unmarried, his humanity, his sexuality denied. I used to ask alot of questions when I was in the church. It got me into trouble a few times! But I would think logically: so why did God make us sexual then? Why create a heart longing for love to then ask us to alone? Why would the church describe Jesus as meek when he had the nerve to stand up in an occupied, very unstable country and confront them with God’s truth about Love? If we just think logically we will find many inconsistencies in what the Church has decided. I know there are many in the church who genuinely desire to know God and be a better person, but I believe God gave us thoughts and feelings to help us find our own truth and its ok to question.

The new age movement, as it did for Mary, also did for Jesus: returning the idea of their marriage, soul mate relationship and his sexuality. However, he is made into a father of a sacred lineage and in some books I have read a Tantric master with more partners than just Mary. This being done in the name of the sacred seed needing to be sown. Why would God need to do that? I had to ask when I read that. But that is the point in much of new age spirituality: much of it avoids the issue of “God.” God is declared a consciousness, universal energy, spirit, guru and many other things. Of course much of this is because of the false beliefs about God being pretty scary may have put us off a bit. We want Divine, but not God: that’s going to bring up lots of emotional issues.

Likewise Jesus has become an ascended master, an avatar, sent here on a special mission, Lord Sananda. He is seen as a leader of a council currently helping those of us awakening to ascend to a higher dimension. There is a thread of truth in this, for me, as I believe he is back here to try to teach us again Divine Truth: just maybe not from a space ship as is often said.

Again many claim to channel him and some to be him. He is idealised and in some cases, idolised. No wonder so many of us can’t believe he would come back as T-shirt wearing Aussie and Mary too, open in their vulnerabilites: both still healing and doing once again the journey to AtOneMent.

But despite all these expectations, hopes and addictions, they have come back. I didn’t decide this straight away: I have had to tackle many of my own expectations and mostly my fear of getting it wrong and making a complete fool of myself. But the more I listen, the more I allow my heart to hear truth, the more I am truthful about  my own emotional injuries, the more I accept, at first intellectually and then with my feelings that they are here again. Nothing, no teachings have touched me like this and no two teachers have I seen before that are grounded, humble, courageous, loving and giving. And the truth is they don’t need me or anyone else to tell them who they are. I know my own name, so I am sure they know theirs.

The irony is they are still some of the greatest teachers who has walked on this planet, shame to miss out just because they don’t doesn’t fit OUR perception of what they should be. Yes it’s confronting, yes what they teach is confronting, but why wouldn’t it be? The human race is a bit of mess, so there may be a number of things we are getting wrong and not understanding… and if we really want to be the change then we should really be open to anything that might take us there. At least to listen, to read, to consider before we dismiss something or someone.

Jesus and Mary don’t need me defending them: that is not what I my intention is. I wanted to just consider the difficulties of coming back and saying you are Jesus and Mary Magdalene. It is truly incredible they are here again.  The truth is for too long we have accepted other people’s view of the world and of ourselves. Feels to me if we don’t start questioning some of this, we will never really reach more truth or find a way to change. So yes it is going to be confronting, but sometimes we need a good shake up and now seems as good a time as any. If we follow their example ( because that is the point – they live what they teach) with courage and humility, we really can change the world. I feel this deeply in my soul. So just considering what coming back has meant for them, what a heaven they had to leave in the 36th sphere as One Soul again, is very humbling and actually beyond what I can really understand as I am still crawling my way through the first sphere. Such a gift of Love and a pure expression of God qualities too.

Many of us believe this is an incredible time: it is.

If you were interested in knowing more, both Mary and Jesus have answered many questions on their identity on their youtube channel: Divine Truth FAQ: https://www.youtube.com/user/divinetruthfaq

Maxine x