WORDSMITH

I AM WRITING

I am writing because I love to

I am writing words on a page,

That dance,

And skip,

And run on paper.

Words that calm,

Excite, enthuse and trigger.

Words that have magic

When strung together,

In rhythm, or wild and free.

 

Words unique to me,

To my expression,

My history,

My emotions.

Words that warm the heart,

Or break it.

Shattering the world

To tears and deep blue sadness,

To gut wrenching fear

And the fiery gate of anger.

Words to ignite,

To aid our flight

Awaken our soul, alive.

 

And words that

Feel too small to tell the truth

Of wonder.

But, words it is and words they are,

That help me

Speak and feel

And learn and create

And feed a passion

Of mine.

 

I write because I long to write

It’s simple really

There black and white.

To write, to write, to write.

sharpen-snoopy-writing

 

When I was young I was a very good reader and had read all the set books by the time I was 7 and so became a “free reader:” a pupil who was able to read anything at all on the shelves. I don’t remember all the books, but I do remember visiting the book shelves time and time again. At home, we hardly had any books. I remember one of my grandmothers’s buying me a whole set of Enid Blyton books one year and I read them again and again. I read anything, even my brother’s “Fantastic Four” annuals or my mother’s Catherine Cookson.

I loved reading and escaping into worlds other than my own, enjoying adventures and imaginary places, away from harsh realities. When I was older, I read a lot of Jane Austen, which were one of many I read out loud in order to hear myself speak differently and experiment with how it felt to talk as they did in the 19th Century. This is something I still like to do. I am fascinated with words and language: how they sound, feel and what they can express. But words are not limitless and I feel there are many things where words are not enough, but words can and do express a whole realm of wonder, information and imagination.

At some point during my childhood and certainly by the time I was 12 I started to write a diary or journal and to this day I continue to do so. It has never really been a daily event and there have been long periods where I wrote nothing at all. When I look back at my diaries aged 12, 13, 14 or 15 I cringe at some of the topics; boys, what my friends are doing, that kind of thing. But in between the normal sort of teenage stuff are painful entries of insecurity, fear, anger, frustration and sadness.

Then as a teenager some of that expression started to form into poetry and is still a form I love as it can be uninhibited by form, structure or grammar. It can flow in any direction, made from three words or three hundred. When I was teaching English for a while, I told the students that everyone is a poet (which I still believe) and then I proceeded to read a short, but powerful seven-word poem by my son. After their exclamations of approval I would tell them Ben has Down’s syndrome and could hardly write when he thought of that poem. All he did was tell his teacher what he saw and felt.

For me, it is that simple, poetry is about your physical senses and most importantly your feelings. What can you see, hear, taste, smell, touch and feel? What colours are in that butterfly? What happens in your heart when you watch her flitter around your face? How do you feel when you see scenes of war on the TV? Or hear that teenagers are lazy? It is human nature to respond to everything around us. We can try to shut it down and do successfully at times, but never completely: there is always a feeling their somewhere.

I recently watched a great documentary on the BBC called “We are Poets” about the Leeds Young Authors.  These are a group of 13-19 year old who are taught how writing can help them find their voice and expression and even discover who they are and want to be. It helps many young people deal with difficult life circumstances and take them away from negative life choices. They performed their poetry, sometimes called Slam Poetry and what impressed me the most was the passion with which they wrote, the passion with which they spoke and also that they never shied away from difficult subject matter. They said it – as it is for them and thanks to the project they have discovered all this at a young age.

For myself, I am nearing 50 and it was only about  5-6 years ago that I started to tell others I liked to write and that maybe I would like to do this more and maybe I had something to write about. It wasn’t easy to say. I felt others would laugh at such a dream or read something I had written and confirm what I felt inside that maybe I couldn’t really write and like a tone deaf singer I didn’t know how terrible my voice truly was.  Starting this blog over two and half years ago was a big step and a big statement. It was the moment when I decided I had to stop worrying less about what others thought and just do what I love.

Robby and I had been to a talk about six months earlier, when Jesus had given an example of a friend who had followed his passion to make music, sing and play his guitar. He had started off just playing for himself, just because of his love for it and over time as he worked through emotions and grew his desire he was now getting paid to do what he loved.  The story stayed with me and so the blog started. Since then, I have cried tears over all the years I didn’t follow my passions and dreams and having cancer really put into perspective the time I had wasted in not writing, not painting and not doing what I love and even discovering other new loves.

A creeping apathy had overtaken my life, a slowly creeping ivy where I had focused more on my son than myself, where I had found it easier to avoid feeling fear and live in it; avoid my feelings of self worth, therefore stifling and strangling my creativity. Suppressing sadness, fear, anger also suppressed joy, creativity, spontaneity and wonder. I had become addicted to struggle and made myself so grey, so small, I was barely there at all. I had sinned against myself, by denying a huge and vital part of who I am and who God designed me to be: creative, colourful, wondrous.

Writing this blog was the beginning of something – a place where I have explored my emotions, uncovered lies, truth and facade. It has been a journey of self doubt and self discovery, but most importantly it has been a place of growing confidence in my own expression. I have made mistakes, ones which devastated me at times, because I have an injury to always get things right, but which over time have taught me to be softer in these mistakes and just enjoy the process of writing. And I have enjoyed  it all and in the last few months my passion to write has grown, along with my confidence.

I have taken the first steps on this yellow brick road and I am loving it! I started writing the other day and a character grew from it, a character with a story. I found and edited a children’s story I wrote six years ago. I continue to write my journal and my poems and I am planning to go back through the boxes now with all the odd bits of paper in them of ideas and bits of writing in them and see what’s there. I have also signed up to a writing magazine and I sent a little article to a local one.

God has heard me and many Law of Attractions are happening to confirm my desire. A book appeared called “Freeing the Writer Within;” I was given a free ticket to a poetry and storytelling event; someone else has offered me a free place on a storytelling and performance workshop; I went to a cafe and got chatting to a lady opposite me and she turned out to be Marcia Willets, who has written 28 successful novels and then I met an amazing group of people who work for and with artists who are migrants or refuges and with the aim to portray a different message and challenge perceptions via music, writing, performance and film. Amazing hey?!

We were made to be passionate about what we love, to be passionate about life and all it can offer us if we allow ourselves to feel all the things that have stopped our passion in the first place and taking action will cause this. Writing and my deepening desire to write more is triggering issues of self worth, also reflected in the work I currently do to survive, rather than do work I love.  Every day I feel the pain of this in some way, but also feeling more will to keep writing and expressing and dancing with words and see where it takes me and what it creates in my life.

So in celebration of this dance here is a little poem I jotted down after watching “We are Poets.”  Thank you to the Leeds Young Authors for the inspiration and for showing me how to slam it, and to Jesus and Mary for helping me know it is good to do what I love and demonstrating to me the joy in doing do. If I could perform this poem it would not be meekly said.

I WROTE

I wrote when my heart was Breaking 

and I was Aching for more.

I wrote when my world was crazy 

and the in- fighting

Never stopped.

I wrote to make sense 

of the times when nothing did.

I wrote to soothe my pain

Or scream insane

When they did, what they did

To hurt me, ignore me, 

confuse me and taught me 

to hate me. 

Words were my only friends

The only honesty

In the lies that burned into

my heart

By the ones who were 

meant to love the most. 

But instead broke

me.

In words I found my strength,

my dance, my ‘I’ again.

In poetry 

I am me. 

 

Maxine Bell @2016

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THIS TRUTH

Events, reflections, feelings and then…. a poem on a subject I am “in utero” on…. in so trying to imagine the true greatness of Divine Truth is beyond me as yet…. but still.. partly felt, partly imagined.. it’s a start…

GoldenHeart

 

A Gift more precious than Gold, from God

A Love greater than we can imagine

A flower as strong and beautiful as an orchid

Outstanding when seen, experienced.

A treasure beyond our understanding

To be held close to our hearts

Away from the dust; a mirror to our errors. ..

This Truth is.

 

Not a joke, or way to boost our morale..

Not a thing to help us avoid our pain,

Our low self worth; our hopelessness.

Not a tool to build up our value above

And beyond our brothers and sisters,

Or ride on the facade wave of intellect

And self importance.

Not this .. this Truth.

 

An eternal light,

Shining in darkness,

Capable of banishing it all.

An honour to discover; to seek; to find.

A reflection of the glory of its Creator.

Permeating all Creation,

Holding hands with True Love,

This Truth it is.

 

Not to be abused or used,

But to be ever sought.

Not to be taken lightly

In the measure of its worth.

Nor misinterpreted by egoic self absorption.

But held as a torch for the narrow path,

To God and Love

This truth.

 

Eternal, unchanging,

A song of Love and adoration

An education

From the Father of All

A Way: The Way

To know Him, Her, Our God..

With this Truth…

 

Beautiful, light, bright,shining…

Absolute…

Divine Truth.

 

Maxine Bell 2016

 

 

 

Teardrops or Stone

tears

 

Tear-drops don’t fall from stone,

Stone doesn’t change for eons.

Stone stands firm as long as it is able,

Immovable, solid, cold.

 

Tear-drops fall from the soft corner of our eyes,

They rise and fall, like breath,

Flowing in beautiful rivers

To set us free, break the dam of holding on.

 

So when did we learn to be like stone?

What hearts of cold rock we carry.

Rocks that build walls of fear,

That we call safe.

 

When did we plug the soft corner of our eyes?

The end of the river that starts in our heart,

And wants to flow warm and soft,

Down the curve of our cheeks.

 

When did we choose to freeze the streams;

The rivers of emotions?

When did we separate the E

From the motion and stop in time?

 

I see a planet of rocks before me,

Of greys, dark, pale and cold.

A planet that has lost its rivers

Where beauty has dried up from drought.

 

In drought, there is no life,

A shrivelled, cracked heart of nothing,

Gasping and calling for waters to flow again,

Before death’s shadow blocks out the sun.

 

Can we once again be the flow, the gushing,

Pounding, passion of the waters within?

Will we let the rivers of our tears,

Take us home to what is true and beautiful?

 

To be again what is our real selves.

To let go of the terror of where the rivers will take us

And trust the hand that guides us

To the gentler ways of humanity.

 

Unashamed of the soft corners of release,

In our delicate eyes,

Where waters flow, waves crash, hearts fly

And the song that God intended us to sing

Is sung.

 

Maxine Belle @2016

COME WALK WITH ME…

Today something a little different…

Yesterday I went for a walk, where I live in Devon, England… I always find God in nature…

COME WALK WITH ME,

COME TREAD THE EARTH WITH ME,

COME BREATHE THE BREATH OF LIFE

IN THE GREEN AND GOLD

OF GOD’S GIFT TO US…

RW3     RW5

RW6

FEET ON COOL, DAMP EARTH

ONE FOOT, ONE STEP AT A TIME.

GO SLOW AND NOTICE NATURE AROUND YOU,

HARMONISED, CONNECTED,

BEAUTIFUL.

RW9     RW12

RW13     RW14

 FEEL THE PULSE OF LIFE

   IN EVERY SQUARE INCH.

LET YOUR OWN HEART BEAT

WITH THE RHYTHM OF THE NATURAL WORLD.

SEE LOVE IN IT’S EVERY CELL,

IT’S EVERY ATOM, IT’S EVERY BREATH.

RW16

FEEL THE TREMENDOUS LOVE

IN ALL CREATION.

RW17     RW18

RW19

IT IS THE CREATOR’S BODY DANCING WITH US,

HER HEAVENLY VOICE SINGING WITH US,

HER HEART AND SOUL POURING LOVE ON US.

RW20

RW21     RW22

COME WALK WITH ME

COME TREAD THE EARTH WITH ME

COME BREATHE THE BREATH OF LIFE

IN THE GREEN AND GOLD

OF GOD’S GIFT TO US.

Maxine Bell 2015

RW24

(All the photos are shown in order – as taken on my walk)

THE WALLS AROUND OUR HEART

https://video-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hvideo-xfp1/v/t42.1790-2/11017086_10153206602642276_1882098574_n.mp4?efg=eyJybHIiOjMwMCwicmxhIjoxODYzLCJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6ImxlZ2FjeV9zZCJ9&rl=300&vabr=161&oh=4fbe7190340693977148479d20ec3d0b&oe=55B8E922

The other day I watched this amazing clip of a woman giving her wedding vows. It was so honest and raw that it hit me right in the heart. You may not agree with everything in the clip, but I certainly recognised parts of myself. I have a huge wall around my heart in relationships – mostly built of fear: fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of anger/attack, fear of deceit, fear of abuse, being used… you get the gist. My experience of “love” is so messed up that I am afraid to really love or be loved and so I shut it out and run away physically or emotionally. “Love” is so connected with pain for many of us we don’t even realise that it was never love in the first place. Love does not include pain: pain comes from our unhealed emotions – shame, grief, fear, anger. All the stuff that got stuck creates situations that are painful. This is the Law of Attraction: constant events provided by this God-made law to show us what we need to feel and release. The longer we hold on the bigger the pain, the bigger the causal become, the more we have to heal emotionally. Love is actually the remedy: loving ourselves enough to allow those feelings to be felt, loving others enough not to project our fears and anger at them.

It is closer to the biblical quote of Corinthians 13: ” Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is [never] angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

(The bit in brackets I have changed to never because it said “easily angered” and I believe love or God is never angry. I know some religions will disagree, but that is my personal belief and experience).

We need to reeducate our little hurt selves about love and feel all those emotions. I find re-educating my hurt self easier ( intellectually) but still walking around looking at my wall, instead of trusting God that he provided me with enough to knock through. So many times I feel I am a hypocrite – it’s so easy to say words, watch videos, get it in your head. It’s not real though until we live it and breath it: until it is in our heart, our soul.

THE WALLS OF MY HEART

I still cling to the walls round my heart,
Afraid, trembling,
The urge to run constant and repeating,
I blame, shift and shape
To avoid the terror
Of another trampling of my heart.
But these walls serve only as a prison,
Keeping out the garden of Eden,
The gift of understanding the truth about real love,
A gift eternally shone on us by God.
To bring us to our knees
And lay before Him
All our pain, terror and sadness,
So that we can love, laugh and live.

Yet we cling to these walls,
I cling to mine,
Banging raw knuckles at them ,
Again and again
Because a part of my soul,
Cries out for freedom,
Cries out to feel,
Cries out to reach out
And experience the true bliss
Given to us by God,
The wild, passionate knowing of a soul
In love
with all.
A beautiful constant flow from the rivers of heaven.
God wants to give us it all.
Yet we continue to resist, rebel, hate and yell.
We..I can not even love myself
With these walls around my heart,
I can not give myself fully to another. .
To you, my other half,
My beautiful soul mate.
Yes wounded birds we are,

But the cage we look out from,
Never had a key,
It was never locked.
Addicted to our pain,
Broken in a thousand pieces was all an illusion.
We were always whole in God’s eyes.
She just waits for us to truly learn about love.
Not the twisted, fake over-romanticised,
Vomiting, belief-in-heartbreak kinda love.
But the unconditional, pure love as shown by God:
A love with no walls, no cage and no prison.
Love that is true and real and big.
Love that is humble and honest,
Flowing and unafraid.

I have only touched the edge of this love
For brief, beautiful moments in my life.
But I have faith it exists.

And that knocks the first brick
from the first wall round my heart..

Pow!

Maxine Bell

Walls

from the first wall round my heart..Pow!

WALK TO GOD

Natural-Purple-Landscape-Wallpaper-HD

I looked for God on my walk home from work

Not in concrete, but in the dirt.

I spied the tree as it stood tall

Listened to blackbird’s evening call.

I stopped and stared at tiny flowers

Who’d burst into life with sun and showers.

In shades of violet, pink and blue.

I sighed with pleasure at their rainbow hue.

I listened to the leaves rustling

Shades of green making my heart sing.

I studied them to feel God’s nature,

Looked at the detail of our Creator.

Every intricate colour, line and shade.

Beautifully designed and lovingly made.

I wondered at the care God took,

From mountain top to little brook.

From sky so blue, with gentle cloud,

To river wide, each rushing sound.

From branch on tree and rocky Tor,

To green, green grass and rugged moor.

This God of mine is seen in every natural thing,

Heard in every bird that sings.

In every flower scent I hear Her voice

Marvel at each of our Creator’s choice.

Only Love could make such beauty real,

Each thing designed to help us feel,

To remind us of the life we’re given,

Is sent from high: above the heavens.

Today the heart of God was shown to me.

Beating with intelligence and harmony.

As I walked home from work today.

I also saw the attribute of play.

God smiled when he planted the tree,

Whose branches smile down at me.

From sky to earth, provided all I need,

In every grain, plant and seed.

God gave us a home that we could love,

Soil and root: bush and shrub.

He showed us His true nature and tender care.

In every atom, in every breath of air.

I marvelled at how God’s awesome power

Discovered Him in every flower,

In every leaf and each speck of soil.

His love is there, always true, forever loyal.

Maxine Bell May 2015

Prayer For Change

new earth x

Dear Father, Mother,

Who exists beyond any place I can imagine,

But is as close to me as my breath.

Who lives in a state of Love I feel I can barely touch,

In my current state.

But who waits, patiently waits,

In every moment,

For me to reach for that Love;

To open my heart to receive,

All the gifts your Love can bring me.

My ever patient Parent,

Who keeps believing in me,

When I and others do not.

Who never gives up the idea,

That I will return home to thee.

Father, Mother,

For eons you have watched us

Wander far from thy Love,

From all you want to give us.

You have set up your Laws of Love,

To call us home to you.

If only we would hear your call,

And see the road of Truth

You have set before us.

That which leads us to Joy,

To eternal Growth, to real Love,

And the end to our suffering.

Our Loving Parent,

Despite the daily reflections and events,

That reveals our error,

Our false beliefs, delusions and denial,

We continue to tread

Our road of Fear and Addiction.

That which fools us into

Pretending our pain is not real.

Yet only widens our circle of suffering.

Father, Mother,

I ask with all the love I have to offer right now,

That we open the eyes and ears of our hearts,

Touch the true state of our souls,

And remember you made us

As you are: a master of emotions.

A vessel created to flow endlessly with feelings.

We have filled ourselves

With the muddied waters of pain and sin,

Which we hold onto for fear of there being a drought.

But you wait only for us to release

This poisonous liquid,

So that you may fill us

With the gift of your crystal clear water:

The Love of our Parent God

That will transform our souls.

Dearest Father, Mother,

May we find all the courage, will and desire,

To walk the path of healing,

By asking for and receiving your Divine Love.

The path of humility and truth.
It is the Narrow Path,

But the one most full of magic and wonder,

The One eternal path

To our True Self,

To our One True Parent.

Father, Mother,

Thank you for your love,

Thank you for your patience,

Thank you for the gift of your Love.

May we leave our arrogance

In the ruins of the Road of Fear,

And choose to humbly

Walk bravely on the Road of Truth,

Now and forever.

Amen.

Maxine Bell 2014

This poem was inspired by a talk by Cornelius at the Divine Truth Assistance Groups in Australia July 2014. The groups were run by Jesus, Mary and Cornelius. Cornelius is one of the fourteen who have returned to earth to teach Divine Truth. He was the Roman soldier in the first century who went to nail the nails into Jesus’ hands, but received such a feeling of love from Jesus that he could not do it. He was tortured to death for his disobedience. For more information about his life look on the Divine Truth website. Below is the talk that inspired this poem. With love to all my brothers and sisters in this world and spirit world: May God’s love transform us all.

BEING A SLAVE BY ROBBY

Today I am going to share a poem Robby wrote a few weeks ago. It is beautifully written and sincere. Like me he has written from a feeling and then let it evolve.  When I saw it I was moved by it and the look on his face. Both of have issues of self worth from our childhoods that have spilled out into our adult lives and our subsequent actions from that wounded space: we weren’t really made to feel we had any passions or desires, like alot of us….very sad.

But, I also had another emotion come up… “Oh no this is a good poem, but I am the writer…. I am not good at much, but writing I am ok at. It took me 30 years to even admit to anyone I had this passion and now my soulmate is writing well. I am disappearing again….agh I am not good enough”   Panic! A huge fear came up, I felt threatened. What an unloving thing to feel about your soul mate. One minute I was moved and proud of him, the next I was caught up in my own fears which have led me to conveniently forget to post this until now. Yukky stuff, yes? Often we can admit how unloving we are to ourselves in our injuries, but less easily how we can be unloving to others.  My fear of being nothing, my belief I will never be good enough made me unloving to the other half of me! 😦 Robby and I have experienced this so many times, when our addictions and fears hurt the other. To be truthful about is painful and shameful. So much of the narrow path yet to walk… but a blessed path it is too.

So tonight, I finally had some humility and thought “Deal with your insecurities Maxine! Just feel it and don’t project it out or avoid it and POST the poem!”  In fact I know that God’s law of attraction will gift me the opportunity to feel even more if I do and for Robby to a chance to receive and share.

Sorry hun it has taken me so long….. Here is your wonderful poem, the rawness of your heart:

 

slavery

 

BEING A SLAVE

BY

ROBBY JACOBS

I don’t deserve the way I feel

Being, wondering, searching in the mists: it feels so surreal.

Everything around me feels and looks the same,

Pounding and beating myself, I have no-one to blame.

Why does it hurt when I feel ashamed.

Ashamed about the darkness running through my veins.

Bitterness, revenge, hatred, all being so cruel,

I just need to feel these feelings, like there are no rules.

Please, please, please hear me if you are there,

Please notice that I am in real despair.

All I see is darkness, I need a way out,

I don’t even know who is listening, while I scream and shout.

I scream, I shout, til I can no more,

Holding onto anger, falling, crying on the floor.

Howling, crying, releasing those tears.

I don’t know what is happening, not feeling any fears.

This my child, is where I exist.

You will find me there, when you stop resist.

I am here for you in all my glory,

I am here for you to tell you my story.

Feel, play, dance and know it’s safe,

Free your emotions, don’t be a slave.

Free yourself from all your restrictions,

Observe yourself when you are acting out addictions.

Take the time to admit the truth,

Your fears are stopping you, from experiencing my truth.

I tell you, my child, it is ok to feel,

Experiencing my love, notice I am real.

Now go on my child and experience life.

Go on my child and remember it’s safe

To free yourself, from being a slave.

I never heard a voice so sweet.

Caring, loving, not stamping his feet.

I never felt a love so pure,

Knowing that love, being my cure.

I wiped my tears, feeling loved and seen.

I wiped my tears, feeling blessed and serene.

Standing straight, facing myself

No more despair, accepting myself.

For the wounded child I became,

Feeling and knowing I don’t have to live in shame.

Step by step, day by day.

I ask God to guide me on my way.

Trusting God will always be there,

When I feel moments of total despair.

 

 

 

GOD AIN’T COOL!

Not-Listening-cat in a hat

I said the word ‘God’
Now that ain’t cool.
I mentioned God
And it’s against the rules.

I mentioned God
And it triggered the room.
I spoke of God
Oh it was way too soon!

Oh boy the ‘G’ word
Don’t go down so well.
Mention God
And they run back to Hell.

When I speak of God
Freeze faces, crawling skin…
If I mention God
It’s a major sin.

If I talk of God
You want to shut me up.
If I speak of God
You’ve really had enough.

When I mention ‘G’
You want to run a mile.
When I slip in God
You seem to lose that smile.

When I mention God
It really freaks you out.
When I talk of God
Some scream and shout.

When I speak of God
It causes great pain
When I mention ‘G’
You think I’m quite insane.

When I spoke of God
You said that ain’t cool.
When I mentioned God
It’s against the rules!

But when I speak of God
There is no religion there.
When I talk of God
I only share…

That our Parent, God
It’s my new find.
When I talk of God
I don’t want to hide.

When I mention ‘G’
What’s in my heart.
When I speak of God
Don’t presume, don’t start.

When I mention God
I’m just telling my truth.
When I talk of ‘G’
Please don’t hit the roof.

When I mention God
Hold on for a mo
When I speak of God
You don’t have to go.

When I mention ‘G’
It brings up anger and shame.
When I talk of God
I used to be the same…

When I heard the name
I would recoil, retreat.
When I thought of God
I would stamp my feet.

When I heard his name,
It didn’t feel right.
When I read God
I put up a fight.

To the God I thought
Was full of judgement, hate.
I was taught this God
Like all, took the bait.

The ‘G’ I thought I knew
Was false beliefs and lies
Now I feel God
Is a different guy.

Now with God
I question, look for truth.
I speak with God
And she’s not aloof.

Now it’s G and me
It’s much more real.
Try to let God in
Go with what I feel.

So with God I talk
And find love, true.
Not God from religion
The one I thought I knew.

So I mention God
In a personal way.
I talk of God
Not hide away.

So I mention God
Cause it’s rather incredible.
When I speak of God
It’s like chocolate edible.

So when I talk of God
Don’t just shut the doors.
When I mention ‘G’
Maybe just explore..

So when you hear the ‘G’
Don’t blame the name.
When you hear of God
Forget the One, of fame.

When I mention God
Don’t go in for the kill.
I talk of God
With my own free will.

Cause I’ve found a God
That I rather like.
I talk of this God
Just my thing..right?

I mention God
You mention husband or wife.
I talk of God
Like you talk of life.

So I slipped in God
In this poet –try
Mention God
Triggered you, with irony.

As I slip in God
For the last time today
I’m off to chat with ‘G’
I,m off to pray.

Pray to God
So I ain’t cool.
Well I’ll talk to God
And I’ll break the rules.

So I’ll talk of God
It ain’t so bad.
In fact speak of God
In a way, it’s rad!

by Maxine Bell @2014

BREAKING OPEN

Broken Heart x

 

I’m breaking open my heart tonight
I’m shattering the shell
That built up around its hurting beat
That I grew to know so well

I’m letting down my walls tonight
Brick by brick their coming down
Looking out my prison cell
Where only fear was to be found

I’m asking God to be right here
As I try to set me free
From the hell of past traumatic stress
Ugly things I didn’t want to see

I’m getting on my knees to pray
As I fall down to the floor
I’m giving up my mask of strength
I can’t hold it anymore

I’m breaking open my heart tonight
Like not many, you may not know
That holding on destroys
And suppression is our foe

I’m going to get to know these gifts
Of humility and surrender
I’m tired of being static rocks
Be the river flowing instead yeh

I’m breaking open my heart tonight
I know it won’t be easy
But I’ve tried all else so it seems
And they never did please me.

My God is here right by my side
With love that blows my mind
And makes me want to open up
To treasure I know I can find.

I’m letting down my walls tonight
To whatever I have kept within
All feeling and emotion
All love, all good, all sin.

It’s in the plan to find the truth
To heal all error inside me
I’m getting on my knees tonight
To open and to find ME.