The Sin of the Single Life

 

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I am starting to feel the sin of being on my own.

I keep seeing this same advert and there was something about it that really struck me. It is a perfume advert and a man and a woman* are a long distance away from each other and they travel towards each other in a futuristic way. When they arrive at the place they meet they look at each other and they look like the male and female version of each other and it struck me that is how it meant to be – two of us, not just one. I am not just one, I am the other part of someone and being alone as I am currently isn’t normal… it feels as if I am going against my own design. I then felt very sad that I have created and chosen to be on my own right now and not with the other half of me: not as a couple. Why is that?

I feel safer. I can protect my heart and my body, or so I believe, this way.

I can control my life ( this is a big addiction) and do what I want.

I don’t have to “lose myself” to someone else.

There is no one making constant demands on me.

Love for me means someone is going to take and drain me. I don’t feel Love is a gift, I feel it as a threat to my very existence.

I can be selfish and live in my comfort zones.

I can avoid my rage, anger, fear, shame and grief about men, relationships, sex and intimacy. I have a lot of anger that I still suppress and a huge amount of terror, shame and grief.

I can avoid the issues I have with trusting anyone.

I can avoid my terror.

I can avoid the causal emotions that are connected to my parents and the truth of the harm they caused.

I avoid the truth of events that have happened to me, particularly the things that happened in my childhood.

I don’t have to fully face the harm I have done to others in my emotionally injured state. By suppressing my emotions I have created addictions, expectations and demands – anything that helps me avoid painful emotions.

Therefore I don’t want to forgive or repent.

I want to hold onto my false beliefs and addictions and avoid my emotional pain.

 

That is what I am aware of, currently, and I then feel it is such a lot to work through and make excuses. I sometimes chip away at it and educate myself about God’s truth on this, but I still resist it. I pray about my resistance sometimes and my fears and I know this blocks me from receiving God’s Love and Truth. When I feel what I feel about Love why would open to receive it? I know this is a false belief, a fear, a lie in my mind, but my soul is feeling something else and my soul expresses the truth and cannot play tricks like my mind.

God has been showing me a number of things lately in relation to my sexual injuries, so the help is there and maybe I have a small desire to know this and heal it. So I am glad that I felt that when I saw that advert and I love that these small things, especially when we notice them matter: everything matters. We are being so shown so much every day.

I do get lonely, but that can be an addiction too – wanting someone else to stop us feeing alone or unloved and I am aware that even as a child I felt very alone and very different and odd from my family and the world at times. Many times, judged, blamed, shamed, invisible, used and abused– emotions I haven’t released – so it’s not surprising my soul decides that being single is a better option.

I currently see it as the easy option – but a half lived one. I can feel that something is missing and that by choosing to be on my own, to not deal with the blocks to being in a relationship, I am missing out on a gift and a way of being that is my natural state.

Sin, is missing the mark of Love: being single is missing the mark of love because we are refusing that gift, rejecting that natural state – of being with the one person God made us to be with – the other half of ourselves and the potential that offers.

I am starting to see the sin of being on my own.

Maxine

See links below for more information on Soulmate relationships:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38-9LUA_0rc&t=4s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1eDIdXU8YQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDmj5ofhrS4&t=1638s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmigKz-xPBQ&t=318s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW0FkfhUHAc&t=2s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td_RHkRfIj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjBketDnlFs

The Secrets of the Universe talks on the Divine Truth channel also has some information.

There is even more information on partnership relationships on the Divine Truth FAQ channel on youtube as well as other talks on both these channels that are relevant.

*Soulmate relationships are heterosexual or homosexual.

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IMAGINE…

I live in the UK and two days ago our government voted to bring back the Trident missile. I felt so incredibly sad. A few facts:

It could cost up to £97bn – in a time of so-called austerity.

Each of the submarines can carry up to 16 Trident II D-5 submarine-launched ballistic missiles (SLBMs), with each missile capable of carrying up to 12independently targetable nuclear warheads.

Each Trident missile has a range of up to 7,500 miles (12,000km) and is accurate to within a few feet.

Their destructive power is estimated as the equivalent of eight Hiroshimas. The Hiroshima bomb killed 140,000 people and damaged countless others.

The UK deploys 16 Trident missiles on each of its four Vanguard-class submarines, of which one is on patrol at all times.

The Scottish branch of CND estimate that if Trident was used to bomb Moscow that 3 million would die, including 750,000 children. This figure does not include secondary problems because of the pollution of water supplies, destruction of homes and general devastation would result in secondary problems with disease, as well as the possible effect on the world climate. These bombs can be nothing less than genocidal.

As a teenager in the 1980’s the cold war was at its height and we very much felt that it was possible someone would press that button. We talked about it at break-times at school: what would we do if we had just three minutes left? Who would we want to be with? What would be our last action, thought or feeling? We talked about in it our lessons and it there were programmes on a possible post holocaust world.

We were told how many would survive, and if they did what kind of life it would be, how the world would be full of dust and that we would need to stay below ground for a long period and then even if we did survive the chance of cancer, genital defects, infertility, starvation were high. But the truth was most would die in the blast, because it was felt that if one person pressed that button, then the other country  would press their’s in retaliation.

What a pointless exercise and very clearly demonstrated in the 1983 film “War Games,” where a teenage computer whizz-kid accidentally taps into the government supercomputer WOPR (War Operation Plan Response): originally programmed to predict the outcome of a nuclear war. The teenager ( Matthew Broderick) simulates a nuclear war believing it to be a computer game, but because the computer is now connected to nuclear warheads it is hard to know if it is a simulation or reality. The government, the people who run the computer do not know for sure if world war three has been started and so starts a very serious situation. In the end the teenager finds the inventor of the computer and within seconds of an actual real launch of a nuclear warhead they realise the computer is just calculating all possible outcomes. It is a great film and what was the computer’s discovery: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A WINNABLE WAR!

We know this to be true: centuries of war have demonstrated that no one truly wins. How can a war ever be good, when so many lives are lost, so much damage done and even those that survive are left with huge emotional scars. Violence begets violence. Gandhi said, ” An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.” So true. We supposedly won World War One and Two, but at what cost? Millions of young men shot down in their prime; millions of others dead, tortured; millions of women, children, families suffering incredible loss and pain, a changed world, heavy with grief. I know the reason is we had to stop the madness of Hitler, but maybe we should ask what created Hitler? What part did we all play that he could and did rise to power, despite his seemingly mental and emotional instability and injuries?

My grandfather was a young soldier in the World War One. Like many, he lied about his age to serve his country and was thrown into the horrors of the battlefields of northern France and the Netherlands. He did not speak about it. He only showed me a scar on his leg from shrapnel, but never told me what he experienced there. They were in fact told not to tell people what happened there in case it disturbed the masses, so to speak. I discovered more about that when I read Pat Barker’s fictional ( though based in certain facts) trilogy of novels about the psychological damage/shell shock when I did an English degree. It was shocking and sad how soldiers were treated and silenced. Again, how did we get to the point of creating a world war? Any war?

For me, the issue is about not creating those conditions for war in the first place. War has and will always sadden me hugely. It all seems pointless. In 1982, my cousin, aged only about 20, was sent to fight for the Falklands: a tiny island thousands of  miles away from the UK, with not much going on there from what we saw. It was nearer to Argentina and Argentina wanted it back. My cousin  lost friends there and we all lived in fear in case we lost him. When he came back, they were going to send him to Northern Ireland. He left, he had seen enough violence.

Thank goodness, in the 1980s there were many who were also sick of war and most definitely felt that sitting around waiting for a nuclear button to be pressed was not the way to go. There were many movements, such as the CND who fought for nuclear disarmament. It has originally started in the 1950’s when shocked by what had happened in Japan at the end of WW2, a real fear of nuclear war, caused many to call for peace and disarmament. It had a resurgence in the 1980s. I remember watching the Greenham Common Women on the news chaining themselves to the fence around a US airforce base in the UK which had Cruise missiles.

The building of nuclear weapons has never completely stopped, but to see it so emphatically agreed upon by the UK parliament this week felt like a huge step backwards, especially after the awful wars we have had this millennium. War has never created long-lasting real peace. We may not have had a world war, but we have had many, many wars since from Vietnam to the Iraq to Syria. It doesn’t move us forward. Isn’t it time we tried something different? The conservative and many of the labour MP’s used the war on terror as an excuse for Trident. A “war on terror” – so sadly we ARE still at war, so sadly we are still living in fear and prejudice and separation. And we are all responsible.

Our seemingly small and daily lives are full of fear and anger, expectations, demands, inequality and prejudices. In our hearts, we are so full of fear, we will fight tooth and nail to do what we feel we have to survive. Our recent Brexit decision was based on this emotion and blaming others for the “state of our country.” Continually blaming and admonishing responsibility is not going to help either.

We need to look into the dark places in our own hearts, to feel that sickening fear that rules our lives and to desire to change it. But we also need to look at the human race as one family, as each person we meet as a brother or sister. I believe we are that: all children of God.(though I still have some emotions to work through on accepting that emotionally) But even, if you are unsure of that, imagine how the world would change if we saw it as one world and one family. Each member, an equal; each of us with pain to heal, but with a willingness to be truthful with ourselves and heal within first before we blame or hurt others. My ex-partner, my son’s father, summed it up the other day in saying it is time we stopped just seeing things as Britain, or our country; stopped seeing “them vs us” all the time, but started to think globally about making things better.

I heard one MP saying we need to be realistic and face the fact that Trident was needed in our “war against terror” and that idealism was nice, but not realistic. Well I like idealism! I like the fact that some have had a dream of a different world and had the guts to be a ripple in the pond, from Jesus to Gandhi to Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela. Thank God for the dreamers, the ones who had a feeling to change things, to be bold enough to be different, feel different and create different experiences. As John Lennon said:

“You may say I’m a dreamer..But I’m not the only one.

I hope one day you will join us and the world will live as One.”

I will end with a youtube clip from Australia’s Got Talent where one young man sings that very song and the more poignant because he is a  victim of the Iraq War who was left to die with his brother,by his parents, probably because of the birth defects they were born with. His name is Immanuel – which means ” God with us.”

 

Maxine