My Undiscovered Self

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This piece of writing…well its a unedited poem I guess, was inspired by a talk from the 2016 Assistance Groups that Mary and Jesus created. The whole series are incredible, but this one called the Creation of My Real Self (link below) inspired me and as I have an aspiration to write it came out like this…

I am currently undiscovered

An inkling in my true Father’s eye.

I am currently an unknown

Except to my true Mother’s heart.

I was born and taught by those

Who knew no better

And chose not to question their way.

So I grew undiscovered:

Hiding, hidden, afraid…

A little soul open to all things

Good and bad,

Love and unlove.

In a world, sadly, where unlove is the rule

Of behaviour, thought and action.

I am one of generations of Lost Ones,

Where pretending is our game

And delusion keeps us the same

And insane.

We get given an outfit to wear by our parents.

One that suits their image of us.

That cover is so thick and heavy

Grey, full of dust.

Laden with ancestory fear and pain,

“Don’t be yourself,” it screams,

“It’s too frightening for us.”

“Conform, conform,

Do as you’re told.

Don’t rock the status quo, child,

We know best, of old.”

Old thoughts,

Old habits,

What have they done?

It’s a crazy world of wars.

Individuals, nations, cultures clash.

So no wonder the children are hiding,

Shrivelled by the whip

And sounds of screaming voices..

“Don’t shake the status quo!

It’s a crazy world for sure,

But it’s all we know.”

But ask yourself this question…

Is it really true?

Or is it just an excuse to nothing do?

Driven by terror,

Caused by abuse.

Because I am undiscovered,

Even by my Self.

But in heart there is stirring,

Where is my real self?

The outfit I am wearing feels

Impossibly hard to remove.

But I’ve just undone a button

And a shaft of light shone through.

Because it turns out not all of old know fear.

Some found the light before me

And now they’re right here,

Teaching the Truth:

That there is a different Way.

“Don’t give up,

Keep seeking, look everywhere.

You can lift yourself,

With God’s help, from all despair

And hate and fear.

There is a real you,

That’s calling.

A real you in there.

Forget all you thought you knew.

Knock and the door is answered,

To real and Divine Truth

About Love and goodness,

compassion and joy.

You can have all these things,” they say,

“If you stop hiding, pretending,

Angry, afraid

In apathy, narcissism, so very sad.

Be bold and brave,

Forget status quo!

Have faith in your true Father,

Whose all-seeing eye

And infinite heart

Is calling you home.”

“My child, my love,

My Dear One…you really are there,

The pinnacle of My creation.

And I am so pleased.

In you a seed of gold sits,

Potential,

Waiting for you.

To choose

To grow it, nurture,

Hold it dear.

Water with Truth, leave behind your fear.

Seek the Love that I offer:

Real, everlasting Love…

Not the fake love you’ve known.

See, you can be all the things that you’ve dreamt,

And so, so much more.

Your wings are infinitely expansive

If you choose My Way.

Come home to the true you.

You are a unique and glorious piece of

My eternal tapestry.

Come, my prodigal child

And be welcomed.

Come home to me

And find your Self,

True freedom, wonder and reality:

Beauty like you’ve never imagined could be yours.

I have so many gifts waiting for you

And I long for the gift of your Self to you.”

So I am currently undiscovered,

But I hear the call.

I’m wondering who I am

In God’s tapestry of all.

Love Maxine

https://youtu.be/ZyHt0-do_74

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THE MOUNTAIN TO GOD

Posted on by under Divine Truth, God, God's Love, God's Truth, God's Way of Love, humility, Mary and Jesus, Spirit World, Spirits, The Creator, Truth, Uncategorized

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I have borrowed inspiration from Aphraar in Through the Mists* where chapter IV is named The Mount of God. This book and the two that follow are the story of Aphraar’s life once he passes and leaves his earthly body and existence behind. The books are pure magic and I have read them again and again. If you want to know more about spirit life, God, God’s Love for us, His goodness and Laws (which are all about love) and the potential that is possible for us all then read and read them. They are my absolute favourites and I learn new things every time.

I love mountains, always have especially after climbing my first one nearly 30 years ago. It was Snowdon, in North Wales and I climbed it in a pair of borrowed plimsolls on a random trip one June. I was fortunate that it was a warm, dry day as there are parts of the climb where movable pieces of slate and shale can pull you over in worse weather and take you to your peril down the side of the mountain. But to be honest, I never gave it a thought: I was an exhilarated and fearless adventurer and I loved every step up, every step closer to the summit. The air was so clean and the views varying as I climbed until I reached the peak and what I saw took my breath away and made my soul sing. I remember holding my arms up to the sky and even though I didn’t have any thoughts about God at that time in my life, I felt such gratitude for such grandeur and beauty.

Snowdon is only 3,560ft – a small mountain compared to the 29,000 feet of Everest, but I have only managed to climb mountains in the UK so far and it has given me a taste of something: a sense of freedom and wonder, gained by the challenges it offered and it came to me that the journey I am currently on is like that. I have been listening to the amazing talks from the 2016 Divine Truth Assistance Groups and so have been reflecting a lot on my own journey with ‘The Way,’ as Jesus calls it. If you have read my blog you will see it has been a very in and out journey and when I read back on some of my posts, I can see constant misunderstandings about it and myself amid pieces of Truth. It is why I suggest you always refer back to the actual teaching on the Divine Truth website, as my learning has been slow. I can spout off stuff intellectually, but I am talking about my true learning: the soul based, emotional learning. The real stuff!

In early 2012, I was living near Glastonbury – the UK centre of many different, mostly New Age beliefs. It attracts many pilgrims looking for something and I was one of them. I guess you could say that at that time I was living in a valley down from the mountain where there were many paths crossing each other, heading off in different directions, many going round in circles, or coming to a dead end. Now in that valley there are many people who are a bit like cats: you know when a cat falls off a fence it moves so fast to act as if nothing happened and it’s in complete control, pretending nothing did happen…a bit of self delusion to create a cool facade.

When I first arrived at that valley it seemed full of wonder and interest. I saw things I had never seen before, investigated and tried some of them: yes the proverbial kid in the sweet shop. I was lost and I was looking for new experiences and I found them. But you know the thing about sweets? They are not really good for you: they are a big con. They may taste sweet, but they are made of cheap refined sugar, with additives and other nasties in them. They are there to tempt you and there are many sweet makers who tell you lies and woo you with the colour and other sensory delights as you eat their poison.

A bit dramatic you may think, but my experience there showed it to be true. Glastonbury was full of tricksters, misleading paths and lies and we may have been seeking something, but for many of us we were just feeding our sugar addiction because we wanted to feel better, to feel special: we wanted the buzz, the tingle of sherbet on our tongues.

I have a questioning mind and a certain sixth sense and I started to notice things that didn’t feel right, in fact some of it felt very off. I experienced a very addictive relationship – that initially felt sweeter than sugar, but I was tricked by my own addiction and darkened my soul. I became less happy (was it really happiness or just addiction fulfilment?) and less interested in the winding paths and stayed at home more and more. But one day I came home after some crazy event and I shouted out and said, “Whoever you are, Bob, God, Great Spirit – if you are up there I want the truth. I am sick of the lies, the inconsistencies, and the bloody mysteries, please give me the truth.”

I must have meant it, as within 24 hours I had received an email from a friend saying, “Check this out” and there was a link to the “Secrets of the Universe” talks that Jesus did in 2007/8. I watched the first one and then the next one and I sat there with my mouth open, choked up some emotion as something hit my heart and then laughed. Here it was, without realising it, I had sent up a prayer and God answered. Yes, the guy talking said he was Jesus – I’d need to think about that for a bit, but boy everything he said made sense. It was so opposite to the new age stuff I had been feeding off the previous few years, I actually felt relieved and hopeful.

Then it turned out, Jesus and Mary were over for a visit about 10 days later. When I got back home after listening to them (they were just so humble and grounded), I seemed to have moved out of the valley and was now sitting at the bottom of a very large mountain. Well I didn’t know how large it was as the clouds were around the top at the time, but it looked interesting and remember I love mountains, so it was definitely more intriguing than the valley to me.

For the next 18 months, I was excited by it, but also sometimes struggling to not be pulled back into the valley by the sweet addiction and ended up in some interesting situations, mostly because of my mediumship ( which I called channelling then) and I was tuning into so many things without discernment or knowledge. I set up a healing and card reading little place about 3 months after discovering Divine Truth, but I very quickly just got a feeling it wasn’t right in some way so stopped it. But despite this pulling in and out, I couldn’t stop watching the Divine Truth videos and I think it was the “Truth about Reincarnation” talk and the talks on spirits that really made me see that life in the Valley of New Age was not all it thought itself to be.

So I wandered in the valley a little for a while, but with a growing fascination for the mountain and a desire to climb it. I did physically leave Glastonbury early 2014, very sick of it if I am honest and I started my blog as I had decided it was time to try the mountain.

The first attempt up the mountain didn’t go to well. You think reading a book on mountain climbing teaches you how to climb it, but it doesn’t: you can understand a few ideas, but until you put one foot in front of another and equip yourself with the right things, you don’t really know. I will say for the next three years, following that decision, my attempt at the mountain was extremely slow. I have fallen over and slid back down many times; I have even told lies to others to give the impression I am an expert on mountain climbing, even though I have only gone a 100 metres at the very most; I have become very angry and had a tantrum about “how hard it is;” and berated myself for my uselessness and incapability to get farther. During these times I was often stomping round the base of the mountain or sulking, not moving an inch, throwing the occasional rock upwards.

Much of my failure has been because my motivation was wrong and I wanted to do it my way. I wanted to get up the mountain so that I could quickly forget the past: the valley of New Age, the City of Sin, the Prison of Fear and the Cage of Family. I wanted to be able to magically float up the mountain and just be at the top enjoying the view, congratulating myself I had done it and everything was different.

Well, you can’t get up a mountain like that apparently. Last year, I finally started to look a bit more closely about what my motivation was and what I had been doing wrong. So forget the sudden transformation to the top – what is this mountain all about anyway? What is so special about this mountain? I started by looking at who has already got higher than me on the mountain and what were they doing that I wasn’t.
Well near the top was Jesus – do I feel he is Jesus? Yes. Why? Because he seems to know how to get up this mountain; because he seems to walk his walk; practice what he teaches and understand more about this mountain than anyone I have ever heard: “by their fruits ye shall know them.” Coming up after him, bit further down was Mary and she is exactly the same – walking her walk. Both with courage, care and openness: unselfishly happy to show the rest of us the way.

There are a few others who have started the climb and in all these people I have seen positive changes in them over the years. Watching Jesus and Mary get happier and closer to each other is pretty awesome and inspiring. But with all the successful climbers, what is the common factor and why do they want to climb the mountain?

What I learnt by watching and listening to them is that their motivation was different – they had an interest in the Creator of the mountain. They want to discover more about how the mountain got there and why, what was its purpose, who created it and what does it say about the Creator of such an amazing, majestic thing? So now, I have been doing the same, learning about the Creator, looking with fresh eyes and questioning things I thought were true.

I also had a realisation about the climb up the mountain, remembering my first every climb all those years ago: that I enjoyed every step and even when others told me it could be dangerous I didn’t stop. I also realised that being harsh on myself, pushing myself up the mountain would ruin the journey. I wouldn’t notice the things along the way: the mountain flowers; the way the rocks are formed; small patches of various grasses; butterflies and other small creatures who inhabit tiny homes there; the taste of beautiful mountain waters and the breath of it’s clean air.

How can I know how to truly climb a mountain, learn everything it has to teach me about myself if I try to fight the natural way it shows me to go. The mountain and its Creator want me to enjoy the journey: to be patient with myself, to have courage, and to drink the waters of Truth it offers. Because a mountain is magnificent, beautiful, strong, steady and if we take our steps with patience and awareness it will hold us and lift us to new heights and that is what the Creator wants – for us to lift to new heights: to bring us close to Him, to enjoy and experience what has been made for us and what we can co-create with Her.

You cannot pick up a violin and know how to play its beautiful harmony in a moment: only patience, desire and endurance will lead you to play it skilfully and passionately. You will make mistakes, you will learn from them just as every time your feet slip on the mountain, you become more aware of the right way to climb its great heights.

This is the Way and the Way is all about wanting to understand and to know the Creator of the majestic mountain which rises much higher than any earthly mountain can. Its views and the beauty that await I cannot comprehend, but I am finally beginning to understand it’s not about some magic wand to wash away my pain. It’s about my desire, my will and my willingness to be humble to the journey and to be loving with myself along the Way. God waits patiently for me, she wisely knows that the journey has to be done to appreciate and treasure the lessons and gifts She has to offer. God knows that with each step the magic is happening and that the heavy rucksack (of my pain) I start with will become lighter and lighter until it disappears and I suspect my vision will become clearer and clearer too. ** Why not? So that I can experience the heights of being near my Creator. I am curious to know what that will feel like: to be in the presence of Love, as Jesus and many others teach. This is my hope and I still know so little, but what I am learning bring revelations and new views. I am too curious to stop.

When I started this blog – I said I was seeking Truth with little understanding of what that meant. I still am, but now I am shifting into seeking Truth about God and I feel this is where I will truly find myself and I will not be alone.

So fellow mountaineers or potential mountaineers, put on your boots, bring all your investigating gadgets and experimenting tools. Ensure you have plenty of pockets to fill with faith as you climb, be humble to the process and allow the discovery to open your heart along the Way, so that as you climb you learn to breathe in the gift of love and breathe out to gift it to others. Be patient, be kind, allow rest, and stay steadfast, “for he shall have all men saved.” *

I shall let dear Aphraar, have the final words,
“I realised the unspeakable mercy and love that had been exercised in the design displayed before me…..My previous conceptions fell thus short of the reality of the scene which lay before me as I stood upon that mountain side; yet this was not heaven itself, but only one of the halting places within the ranch of God’s infinitude, where homeward-bound souls could rest and refresh…towards their Father’s house of many mansions.
…For as language fails me to express the quality of the scene unfolded to my view, so also am I powerless to convey an indication of the area over which that celestial panorama was unrolled…Did I say it had plains and streams? It were far more true to say my eye wandered over vast continents, fruitful and picturesque, each bounded by proportionate seas and oceans…The gardens of Babylon were forgotten in the contemplation of such horticulture attainments….. The rose of Sharon blanched its cheek in the face of rich blossoms; and the aroma from the sweet incense of Jerusalem only became a type of perfume wafted by breezes from those trees which are robed in a living green..
Peoples of every nationality, intermingled without distinction; no cold formality, condescension, or patronage was visible among them, but rather a recognition that each possessed some power to augment the happiness of his fellow, and that the society of all was necessary for joy to reach its full ideal. It was a sacred, holy sight to gaze upon…
My eye moistened, and I bowed my head in gratitude as I received the revelation, and turning to my companion, I asked:
“What is this place?”
“The Mount of God, one of the vestibules of heaven.”
Maxine Bell@2019
*All quotes taken from ‘Through the Mists: Leaves from the Autobiography of Aphraar Volume 1’ Recorded by Robert James

**These are growing discoveries about God, and much has been felt reading Aphraar’s story, as well as The Padgett messages, nature and of course the Divine Truth teaching. But true knowledge of God comes from opening to receiving Her love and I may have let one small moment happen, which led me to cry for an hour. I am scared of surrendering, and I have old false beliefs from religion I’m still shaking off. I still do not have a definite knowledge of God or His existence yet: I am seeking and investigating with a growing desire by educating myself from books, talks and use of my own logic and I find in that it’s impossible not to open to God’s goodness sometimes. May this grow in me so that what I share becomes more full of truth. Besides it’s always good to investigate yourself.

There are a wealth of talks about Relationship with God on http://www.divinetruth.com or search on the Divine Truth channel on YouTube.

The Science of the Soul #01 – The Wonderful World of Emotion

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A really helpful, thought (or feeling) – provoking blog from Tristan… I love the analogy of the sea of emotions we all exist in… I have been experimenting and emotional awareness is a game changer….

One Soul Story

Introduction

I don’t know if you have noticed but there is a whole underlying current in the world that is all about the emotions that humans are either feeling or holding onto. I personally imagine it as an invisible sea of emotions that has its own tides, currents and patterns of temperature, that all humans are creating, absorbing and are swimming in at the same time.

You can feel it when you are at a concert where a feeling of elation and power takes a hold of large group of people and becomes so amplified that the air is electrified with it.

You can feel it when you are with a group of friends and you all can just not stop laughing, even though you are all unsure exactly what sparked the laughter.

You can feel it when you have to tell someone that you fucked up badly, you are…

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The Power of Faith

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Notes Along The Way

Usually we use the word faith to refer to faith in a positive sense – faith in God, faith in The Way, faith in love, and faith in truth. We make global statements that imply that faith is something we have, or do not have.

But every person has faith in something. Faith is the driving force behind every one of our actions, desires and aspirations.

We can have faith in evil, in passivity, in anger, in hopelessness, in cynicism, in addiction, in greed and selfishness. We can, and do, have faith in sin.

In order to change the world we must, as individuals, examine what we have faith in.

And then do the “dirty work” of facing and changing the painful emotions that support our current corrupt faith.

Only through individually and collectively restoring our faith, to be faith in what is good and true and pure, can we…

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Having Children Did Not Make Me a Real Woman

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This is so worth sharing. I am having a few revelations about my own ability or lack of ability in being a good mother and the unhealed emotions that created my getting pregnant and the unhealthy investments/addictions with my own children ( God’s children, but the souls he entrusted me with) so this is apt, bur relevant to most, if not all, of us…

DEAR GOD...

Before I had children I had the false belief that having children would make me a ‘real woman’.
I thought being a mum was my only role, purpose and destiny in life. I thought that once I was married and had children my purpose as a woman would be fulfilled and life would be perfect like in a hallmark movie. I believed that somehow having children would magically fix everything in my life and make me feel great.


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The Sin of the Single Life

Posted on by under anger, Emotional Injury, emotions, Expectations and Demands, fear, gender injuries, Grief, sexual injuries, shame, soulmate, Uncategorized, War

 

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I am starting to feel the sin of being on my own.

I keep seeing this same advert and there was something about it that really struck me. It is a perfume advert and a man and a woman* are a long distance away from each other and they travel towards each other in a futuristic way. When they arrive at the place they meet they look at each other and they look like the male and female version of each other and it struck me that is how it meant to be – two of us, not just one. I am not just one, I am the other part of someone and being alone as I am currently isn’t normal… it feels as if I am going against my own design. I then felt very sad that I have created and chosen to be on my own right now and not with the other half of me: not as a couple. Why is that?

I feel safer. I can protect my heart and my body, or so I believe, this way.

I can control my life ( this is a big addiction) and do what I want.

I don’t have to “lose myself” to someone else.

There is no one making constant demands on me.

Love for me means someone is going to take and drain me. I don’t feel Love is a gift, I feel it as a threat to my very existence.

I can be selfish and live in my comfort zones.

I can avoid my rage, anger, fear, shame and grief about men, relationships, sex and intimacy. I have a lot of anger that I still suppress and a huge amount of terror, shame and grief.

I can avoid the issues I have with trusting anyone.

I can avoid my terror.

I can avoid the causal emotions that are connected to my parents and the truth of the harm they caused.

I avoid the truth of events that have happened to me, particularly the things that happened in my childhood.

I don’t have to fully face the harm I have done to others in my emotionally injured state. By suppressing my emotions I have created addictions, expectations and demands – anything that helps me avoid painful emotions.

Therefore I don’t want to forgive or repent.

I want to hold onto my false beliefs and addictions and avoid my emotional pain.

 

That is what I am aware of, currently, and I then feel it is such a lot to work through and make excuses. I sometimes chip away at it and educate myself about God’s truth on this, but I still resist it. I pray about my resistance sometimes and my fears and I know this blocks me from receiving God’s Love and Truth. When I feel what I feel about Love why would open to receive it? I know this is a false belief, a fear, a lie in my mind, but my soul is feeling something else and my soul expresses the truth and cannot play tricks like my mind.

God has been showing me a number of things lately in relation to my sexual injuries, so the help is there and maybe I have a small desire to know this and heal it. So I am glad that I felt that when I saw that advert and I love that these small things, especially when we notice them matter: everything matters. We are being so shown so much every day.

I do get lonely, but that can be an addiction too – wanting someone else to stop us feeing alone or unloved and I am aware that even as a child I felt very alone and very different and odd from my family and the world at times. Many times, judged, blamed, shamed, invisible, used and abused– emotions I haven’t released – so it’s not surprising my soul decides that being single is a better option.

I currently see it as the easy option – but a half lived one. I can feel that something is missing and that by choosing to be on my own, to not deal with the blocks to being in a relationship, I am missing out on a gift and a way of being that is my natural state.

Sin, is missing the mark of Love: being single is missing the mark of love because we are refusing that gift, rejecting that natural state – of being with the one person God made us to be with – the other half of ourselves and the potential that offers.

I am starting to see the sin of being on my own.

Maxine

See links below for more information on Soulmate relationships:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38-9LUA_0rc&t=4s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1eDIdXU8YQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDmj5ofhrS4&t=1638s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmigKz-xPBQ&t=318s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW0FkfhUHAc&t=2s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td_RHkRfIj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjBketDnlFs

The Secrets of the Universe talks on the Divine Truth channel also has some information.

There is even more information on partnership relationships on the Divine Truth FAQ channel on youtube as well as other talks on both these channels that are relevant.

*Soulmate relationships are heterosexual or homosexual.

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THE MOUNTAIN TO GOD

Posted on by under Divine Truth, God, God's Love, God's Truth, God's Way of Love, Heaven, Robert James Lee, Spirit World, Uncategorized

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I am currently just completing my fourth reading of Through the Mists recorded by Robert James Lee, but the person dictating his own story is Aphraar and I have to say I have a growing love and an immense gratitude to this man, whose passion to share truth to the world led to this book and the two that followed. (See the links page for more information).

My fourth reading immediately followed the third. Maybe because each time I read it I learn new things and my soul opens to possibilities and feelings. The books are really an autobiography of Aphraar’s life “beyond the grave.” On earth he was known as Frederick Winterleigh, who died suddenly in the 19th century, attempting to save the life of a young boy. He did not succeed in preventing the end of the boy’s life on earth, but he awoke to find himself still holding the young boy, on the slopes of a land he didn’t know. From the slopes he could view a large area of mists where people were appearing from as they walked through them. This was Aphraar’s entry into the spirit life, or afterlife as some call it: the point where our physical bodies dies, but we continue very much to live in our spirit bodies.

I don’t want to get into any debates about whether this may or may not be true, that is something you need to investigate for yourself, as I have been doing. There are lots of great talks on spirit life on the divine truth website, as well as the Robert James Lee trilogy and the Padgett messages.

As I said, every time I read these books some new feeling hits my soul: my soul expands and a number of times I find myself crying – not with sadness, but with joy, relief and wonder. They are truly my favourite books: beautifully written and full of passion. I journey within myself, as Aphraar journey’s through spirit lands, travelling to places I can only dream of and not fully imagine yet. They are an affirmation of God, God’s goodness and Love. They are a confirmation that God’s truth is absolute, reliable, loving and designed to take us far, far, far beyond than what we can even contemplate. We are in fact just sitting in the “twinkling of an eye” right now, only able to see a sparkle of the light God offers us, the life he wants to lead us too, the people God designed us to be.

I read these books and even the first book when Aphraar is at the start of his journey and I know that he starts his journey in spirit life in a place that is well above where I would be right now if I passed. Because of his desire to learn truth, to be educated he is shown by spirits in much higher conditions their homes – right up to the 7th sphere and because of that we are given a glimpse ourselves. I say a glimpse, because it is apparent that words are not enough to describe the beauty, love and peace in these places. I am a very visual person and I let my mind imagine according to his descriptions and I catch a flash of something, but then I feel this block in me and just have to understand that my current soul condition cannot comprehend such places, though I am grateful and moved by the glimpse’s that Aphraar reveals.

I have much sin (actions, thoughts, emotions, desires out of harmony with Love) to work through before I can see a wider panorama of these things. I have many things to correct in myself and many things to embrace too and I will admit when I look out of my window and compare the world as it is now and my relation to it – that I am in a similar condition, I do sigh heavily about the long road I have to travel to get there.

One of the key things that Aphraar learns in Through the Mists is that there is no instant spiritual growth and there are many passages referring to this and a beautiful poem that I will put at the end of this blog, but for now Aphraar summarises , “ Salvation does not guarantee a sudden transition from debauchery to the white-robed through, from the ribald profligacy to ‘sing the song of Moses and the Lamb’; it means ‘acceptance in the beloved’ when the penitent  prodigal has carried out his determination to arise and go to his father – has made the pilgrimage from the far country to the homeland..”

In the book, Aphraar debunks the Christian beliefs about heaven being a place where everyone is sitting around playing harps and singing, “Glory, glory, glory.” As you will see if you read the books, life is very real in spirit life, maybe more so than here, because you are seen clearly as you are – you cannot put on a facade and pretend: it is all out there for everyone to see. For me, I am beginning to long for that, I am tired of the facades I have. It is exhausting and like existing in a black and white movie: limited and grey.

Aphraar’s story makes me long for the technicolour life: I love the beauty of nature here on earth, but I long to see the nature in its full, magical abundance as Aphraar describes it; I see the wonder of people changing here, but it feels very small compared to what he describes and experiences for him and others that he meets and observes there.  A life of continual growth and change, rising us up and taking us home – our real home.

But a key point in this growth and change is US. God has provided the solid foundation and the means for us to grow, but we are the catalyst: we have to want it, desire it. Your will notice in the quote above that the prodigal “carried out his determination to arise.” He had previously used his desire in a negative way, even though he didn’t feel it was negative at the time as he was just using his free will (sound familiar?). In the end it didn’t make him happy and in suffered and it was only when things hit absolute rock bottom that he realised his mistake (sound familiar?),  and that he had sinned – he faced the truth about himself and did what he could to return, even willing to return to his father’s house as servant. Again it was his desire, but this time a loving desire and only his desire, his willingness to return, humbly that achieved his goal. We must want to go home and like the father in the story, God will run towards us and prepare a feast to celebrate our return.

The story of the prodigal son is a wonderful story (Luke 15 v 11) – full of so much truth, hope and love and part of that truth is what we do with our will matters. We have free will and just as we put a lot of energy into using it in selfish and unloving ways, we can use it in more powerful, loving ways and this book gives information on where that can take us.

I do feel I have a mountain to climb and I do feel I have taken myself a few steps up and then fallen down again at times and in that I have sat, stubborn, apathetic, tired and despairing at times. There are many reasons for all of those emotions and my lack of action, but I don’t completely give up ever and if you have read my blog you will know some of the difficulties of the path I am attempting to follow, but I also know it is only me that gets in the way. It’s my choice every time, as it would be on an actual physical walk up a mountain, to stop, to give up, to get up , to try again: something inside hopes and longs to see the view from the top.

The funny thing is I absolutely love mountains. The first time I came across mountains and climbed them I felt like I was flying: I didn’t care too much about the aches in my legs or the thoughts of ‘how much further.’ I just love the feeling of getting higher, the sense of achievement, the expectation of what might come next, overcoming challenges and the absolute joy of reaching the top and discovering that the view from the top was so much better than you even imagined! The air feels clear, the sense of space is incredible and then there is the beauty you witness: the surrounding hills, plains, forests and lakes, the sky, clouds and birds who feel close enough to touch. Then around my feet, rocks, grass, small mountain flowers: breathtaking. I never want to go back down, because I never feel as free down there and I want to feel free.

In those moments, I want to drop the weight of my pain, the armour of my facade and I want to see if I can touch the sky and I wonder who is in the sky: are you there God? Can I reach your from here? Can I feel your breath? Touch the sun and look at things through the soft light of the mountain: true or not, God feels closer on the mountain top.

When given a view of the seventh sphere, which is the sphere that those who are seeking a relationship with God, have received a large amount of His love through their desire to do so, are in a transition: from human to divine angel. They are about to take off, to traverse mountain peaks much higher than we imagine, one’s so high they were not previously in sight.

Aphraar becomes speechless with the atmosphere of “irresistible happiness,” and the sight of “some azure-tinted, celestial mountain.”  He further describes, “Heaven lay unrolled before me. I can find no other way to convey even a crude suggestion of the scene – its purity, its  beauty and its peace…in the distance – however far the eye might travel – undimmed, distinct and vivid as the foreground, there rose to view chain on chain and tier on tier, the heavenly mountains – countless hills on which equally countless terraces were spread – terraces large as plateaus, each vying with other in mansion, parks and flowers, like models of angel cities standing in galleries Divine, all canopied with the smile of God. Each terrace was bathed in its own distinctive glory, the brilliance increasing with the ascent… “

And this is just the sphere before the true Celestial spheres. To give you some idea of the mountain  to climb, the earth is currently in a first sphere condition – not even at the top of the first: from hellish conditions rising to increasing light and beauty, until we have grown more in love, to move to the 2nd sphere, and onwards. All of us can do it. Everything is in place for us to start the climb – it is just up to us now to make the choice. You can get to the 6th sphere, without God, or to go on beyond there and infinitely, you have to want a relationship with your true Parent. Jesus describes the two paths as the natural love path and God’s way of Love. To me it’s like deciding to climb Ben Nevis or Everest: both have good views, but which mountain has the greatest view – the one that takes us to the greatest heights.

But there is no instant way, no quick fix; we are responsible for correcting our mistakes, for choosing to learn about Love, or wanting a relationship with God. The Father has a feast waiting for us and She has cleared the path for our return, but we have to investigate, to wonder, to want God’s version of Love and Truth and surrender our own: to be born again – not through the sacrifice of anyone, but through the example of the first man who found the way home to His father, to our Father.

We can decide to climb the mountain and we can stubbornly say we know the way and insist we find our own way without help and guidance: we are likely to get more lost that way, to face more danger, to want to give up. Or we can take the advice of those who have travelled this path already and know the route well.  The guiding hand is there – He’s just waiting for us to take it.

Maxine Bell Oct 2018

Here is the poem from Through the Mists: Chapter 17: A Poetess at Home

Waiting

Waiting now upon the threshold,

Just within the porch of life;

Safe from all the storms and tempests,-

Hushed the discord and the strife;

Stilled the heart with its wild beatings,

Calmed the hot and fevered brain

Waiting now, and resting sweetly,

‘Til the Master comes again.

 

Waiting, where the rippling wavelets

Of life’s river lave my feet;

Washing off the stains of travel,

Ere the Master I may greet;

Till the voice is full and mellow,

And I learn the sweet, new song;

Till the discord is forgotten,

That disturbed my peace so long.

 

Waiting, til the wedding garment,

And the bridal wreath is here;

Till our Father’s feast is ready,

And then bridegroom shall appear

Till the seeds of life have blossomed,

And the harvest- home we sing.

Gathering up my life’s long labours

For my bridal offering.

 

Oh! ’tis not as men would teach us – 

Just one step from earth to God;

Passing through the death-vale to Him,

In the gard that earth we trod;

Called to praise Him while aweary,

Or to sing, while yet the voice

With Love’s farewell sob is broken,

Could we, fitly, thus rejoice?

No! we wait to learn the music,

Wait, to rest our weary feet;

Wait to learn to sweep the harp-strings

 

Ere the Master shall we meet;

Wait to tune our new-found voices

To the sweet seraphic song;

Wait to learn the time and measure,

But the time will not be long.

 

Wait to understand the glory

That will shortly be revealed

Till our eyes can bear the brightness

When the book shall be unsealed.

 

Oh! the vision would o’er power us,

If it suddenly were given

So we wait in preparation,

In the vestibule of heaven. 

A Story about Hurt in Wolfdom

Posted on by under Emotional Injury, emotions, Facade, God, God's children, God's Love, heal, Hurt Self, Mary and Jesus, Uncategorized

I have just read a wonderful story, written by a sister also trying to follow the Way. It is a lovely analogy of all of our stories and the hope we have to do things differently. Please check out the link below:

https://divinetruthhub.com/a-story-about-hurt-in-wolfdom/

A message from Paul

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Notes Along The Way

Recently I had the privilege to speak with an old friend of ours in the spirit world.

Jesus and I were discussing what we remembered of Paul and his life on earth and Jesus suggested I speak to Paul directly. Since, at the time, we had no capacity to record the mediumship session, I channeled directly on paper.

While I am usually shy to share messages that refer to our first century life or identities, I thought others may benefit from Paul’s message. I especially enjoyed how he expressed the impact receiving God’s Love has upon our gender injuries and his description of how first century healings took place.

My questions to Paul are in italics below and his responses in regular text.

Questions for Paul – 13th August, 2018

What was it like when Jesus appeared to you? (reference to Paul’s conversion)

I heard his voice in my head…

View original post 1,829 more words

A SOFTER STEP WITH MYSELF

Posted on by under compassion, Forgiveness, Gentleness, God, Grace, love, Mary and Jesus, Mercy, self love, Uncategorized

mirror image love self

I have recently become friends with a young woman who impresses me very much. She is humble, gentle and yet has a fire in her belly when it comes to following her passions and wanting to contribute something good to the world. She is willing to work hard and do what it takes to fulfil her dream, but she does it all in a quiet way. During one of our chats I told her about my blog and that it was about my search for truth and that I started it after I discovered the Divine Truth teachings and told her a little about them. I awkwardly explained that Jesus and Mary were back.

I still have fear and shame about saying that because I still want people to like me and not judge me. As soon as I do say it I can feel doors shutting and minds closing and receiving a “look” that ranges from doubtful to condescending. I hate the feeling that people think I am either mad or hugely gullible. The sad thing is it then prevents people from looking at the teachings themselves – they can’t see past the Jesus thing – so miss out on something wonderful because of their belief systems – and we have so many false ones around God and Jesus: both get mixed into religion and religion is man- made, not God made. Ironically, Jesus is mostly man-made as religion has translated his teachings to their own devices. And Jesus is Jesus – I’m pretty certain he is and I am certain HE knows who he is and I’m pretty certain because he walks he walks, he knows lots of things no one else done and he is as I thought he would be: kind, humble, direct and brave – those were my thoughts when I was 17/18, was a active part of a Baptist Church, but always getting into trouble for asking too many questions and in the end I left –but the other thing is I often cry just listening to him these days – there is so much sincere love in him and that is kind of love is rare and I feel it.

But I am digressing – because my friend did react a little, but she still went home and read some of my blog posts. I did warn her some of them are pretty intense – particularly the last one. (There’s that fear of other’s judgement of me again). I am not sure if she will read it again, but I wanted to share her feedback as it relates to what I wanted to talk about today. She said, “I have read some of your blog – it is intense, as you warned me, but I honestly think it is amazing Maxine how far you have come and how much you are committed to personal development even though that is such a challenge for all of us. I think you are very hard on yourself. Most people don’t even try. I know how hard it is to hear and accept it but really it is incredible everything you have come through and done and I hope one day you will truly appreciate this.”

The bit about my harshness with myself and her compassion for me brought up an emotion for me, one that is coming up in various shades a lot lately as I reflect on where I am at, what God’s Law of Attraction is showing is in my soul for healing: and it’s a lot about my lack of self worth and related to that is my addiction to being harsh with myself and I re-read my last post. I wanted to be very direct in my post as I felt it was important, important for me to talk about that subject as I am awakening to these things. However, there is a tone of severity in it and it’s not the first time. I have had so many events lately encouraging me to soften and have compassion with myself: to be patient and loving with myself.

I have felt I am being more loving with myself than I used to be and in many ways I am. My harshness took a severe form of self harm for years and that has changed, but self criticism and self judgement is insidious and so subtle day to day. I have been observing myself every day and noticing how just in a moment I judge. I have even found myself judging others for things I am insecure about in myself!  It has become a complete habit, an addiction – a normal way to live!

Watch yourself and you will find similar, in fact in the Western society I live in, it is positively encouraged to judge ourselves and others and often in very superficial ways. It is an awful way to live and I am beginning to feel a deep sadness about it and stopping the criticism when I notice it and looking more deeply into why I am doing it.

I agree with Jesus and Mary that as children we learn to judge, berate and belittle ourselves, because it is easier to do that than feel the pain of being judged, berated and belittled by our parents and in fact we even get rewarded for taking the blame at times.

My sadness is the rising of memories of how much I was blamed as a child for things that were not my fault – such as my mother’s unhappiness. That is a big weight for a child to carry on her shoulders. It’s the “I’m never good enough” emotion and it runs deeply in me. Sometimes I feel grief about it sitting in my chest and it starts to rise and it feels like it will choke me. I’m not quite willing to let it come all the way yet.

So in my last post there was a lot of truth in what I said about being very suppressed and the big impact on my life, but also a lack of compassion. So I have been experimenting -allowing more gentleness with myself and it feels so much better and emotions flow more easily: it’s a learning curve and ongoing process. I can feel this little girl in me and she is very sad about what was happening around and to her. To acknowledge her and let her cry – let myself cry will be such a relief. It will feel so strange too and it is also why it is happening very slowly right now in lots of little moments throughout the day, but it’s so much better to finally pay some attention to the pain.

Mary gave me some feedback in 2016 about being more compassionate with myself. It was feedback about an interview I did for a podcast where I hadn’t realised that I wasn’t being treated lovingly by the interviewer. That I didn’t notice unloving treatment hit me, but mostly what hit me was the love and compassion that I heard in her voice for me and I cried, both touched, but also finding it difficult to receive.

Two years on and I beginning to get it as I’ve been trying out and paying attention to God’s messenger – the Law of Attraction. I also notice how many more spirits surround me and join in with the harshness and when I am softer, they have less say and I feel lighter.

I have always been “strong,” and it is a quality that is admired in society, but I’m tired of it, tired of being told to keep going. I don’t want to be strong anymore, because actually I don’t even understand that term anymore. I may have kept going, picked myself off the floor a thousand times, but do you know what got me back up or stopped me killing myself even? It wasn’t the thought, oh I must be strong. It was hope, like a whisper in my ear – a feeling I can’t explain much more than and for a second I wasn’t alone.

I recently watched an old talk called “The Laws Governing Self Love” from 2009 after seeing a few quotes on Facebook from a Divine Love Daily quote page that was started. I found them difficult to watch and from what Jesus said so did most of the audience: we really struggle with self love. I have realised I don’t know much about self love, and I suspect most of us don’t and that talk highlights so many areas still to be understood about self love ( and Love).

The section of the talk about forgiving yourself was particularly poignant and at one point Jesus says, “A person who is merciful towards themselves doesn’t judge themselves for taking 25 years to get to a place that could have taken them 3 months. They don’t judge themselves about that.”

Recognise yourself? I did. No wonder I find forgiveness of others hard, I haven’t forgiven myself and I am pretty certain there are some things I think I need to forgive that weren’t my fault. But the list of things I need to forgive myself for is long and I can feel now that softness will allow that; compassion and understanding, which will allow me to love myself enough to cry and yes have mercy with myself, just as God does.

What beautiful words they are: compassion, gentleness, mercy, grace, forgiveness. I can feel some wonderful healing alchemy just saying them: there is movement in them, like a beautiful river. Very different from the sounds of judgement, harshness, critical and I wonder at the symbolism in the language, but it’s true – say them out loud and you will feel the difference.

So right now, in my life, I am very insecure about many things. I don’t really get how to love myself yet and I feel scared about lots of things. People scare me somewhat because I find it hard to believe I am lovable. I just to say this because I know so many of you feel the same inside yourself. But I am in a much better place than I was three months ago when I was pretending I was feeling great and trying to convince myself and others that I was heading for bigger things, and such similar things.

I am better because I am slowly learning not to hide away from myself and now I have the power to change things because I am bringing them out into the light. But most importantly, I am realising it is not about pushing, shoving  or forcing myself into submission, but leaning into patience, understanding and love with myself.

When I was a nurse, we didn’t stick a little plaster over a deep wound to hide it and pretend it wasn’t there. Instead we opened the wound, allowed pus to seep out and gently cleaned it every day, until all the yuckiness had gone and new cells then had room to grow and fill in the hole with fresh tissue and blood supply. We didn’t rush it, couldn’t rush the natural processed that needed to occur, allowing the body time to heal so that the job was done properly and would remain healed and healthy. We knew that the infection and the hole weren’t permanent, but just a consequence of an injury and we knew the body had an incredible capacity for healing, with tender care and patience.

So you see, I have known all along what to do!