Why is humility so hard?

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“It is pride that turned angels into devils;

It is humility that makes men as angels.”

Saint Augustine

Jesus describes humility as “the passionate desire to feel ALL of our emotions.” That is every single emotion in every single moment. It is the process of tuning in, becoming sensitive, to how we feel ALL of the time, to listening and acknowledging what is going on in our soul. Our feelings are part of our soul and if felt properly tell us the truth of what is going on, what is going wrong and what is going right. Humility is an essential part of healing, our self-growth and realisation, our growth in love and truth, and if we so desire, our journey to to become at one with God by receiving his love.

So why is it so hard? I have been pondering this question tonight and see that is not the real question. The real question is:

Why am I not more humble? Why do I resist feeling all of my emotions? So why do I resist truth and keep myself from love?

It makes no sense and I have always prided myself on my common sense. I am creative, but I love logic too. I look around at the world and see so much illogical thought and action and wonder why so many don’t see it too. So logically, it makes sense to have humility, to feel, to release the error and discover truth and mostly to choose love, for myself and for others. Logically, humility is obvious, simple and powerful.

So what does humility feel like? For me, in the times when I let myself feel true emotions: rage, fear, grief; afterwards it feels soft, but strong: beautiful, and real. The harsh edges have melted, the armour dropped away. I gain a small sense of the real me. It is surrender and surrender is freeing: wings unclipped, effortless. It is as though I can rest: I don’t have to “try”, or be strong, or keep going, or pushing or pulling one way and another. Even if I am in tears, there is a huge relief, of not have to keep trying to be what others or I expect of me. The is no “should” just I am. It is amazing and yet I resist. Why?

So if I am not humble, if I am not letting myself feel my emotions, what am I doing instead? Instead, I am in a facade and I am used to the facade; I like it; I am used to it. I created it when I was young to protect me, to help me survive. My parents may have encouraged the facade, because the facade rarely upsets the status quo. The one where we are all pretending to be alive, to function, to be a family, to live some kind of life. The one where being too emotional is seen as weakness or drama, where emotions are suppressed, from the first moment our mother says, “don’t cry sweetie, ” we are told not to feel. Feelings frighten us, the truth frightens us. We fear being overwhelmed and create a desire to control and manage our life and our emotions. So this is what I have done, and so have you.

From conception, I inherited emotional injuries from my parents, and so it continued as their injuries spilled out into their parenting and my childhood. This cycle of damage perpetuates the pain and builds the facade. To make it worse, if we want to scream or cry because we feel emotional pain, we are told to be quiet, to not cry, to not express: we ingest our parents and environments beliefs about emotions. So we build more facade. This cycle shrinks us and we become masters of control: I became a master of control.

The facade is our survival technique, but the longer we hold onto it, the more damage is done. But we are in it so utterly, that we will do anything to keep it. We create emotional and physical addictions to numb the pain, to not feel too much: we drink, we eat, we take drugs, we demand to be rescued, to be saved, to look for someone to care for us, to keep us feeling good. We will do anything to feel good and avoid our pain. Over a lifetime we create thousands of addictions, so many, so ingrained we don’t even notice.

So here I am, like many of you, living in a facade to protect my heart, to keep the lid on my Pandora’s box of emotions from my childhood. I am so used to living this way, that even though I have experienced a little of the wonder of humility, my desire to NOT feel outweighs my desire to feel. Inside, I am terrified to feel overwhelmed. So many overwhelming things happened when I was a child: tsunami’s came my way and I couldn’t swim. The constant flight and fright mode, left me fighting for control, amid the chaos. And I got it, I got how to control what I could, whether it was food, feelings, my environment or people: anything to NOT feel the terror of what was going on. And I am still there, afraid of the terror and the grief inside.

So now I sit with feet in both camps. I know, intellectually, that to have humility will change everything for me. I understand it is the way to the real me, to knowing myself and my soulmate, to knowing my real Parent and yet, I stubbornly hang on to my facade and addictions: clinging to the rock face; not wanting to jump and yet knowing I must. Because without humilty I can’t progress, I can’t love or be loved and that makes me sad. I see how in my facade, I defend my point of view, I deny what I really feel to my own detriment and to the detriment of the other half of my soul. My facade hurts me and it hurts others. It is harsh, yukky, unattractive. It pushes away my soulmate, that beautiful man.It keeps me away from God and her love and from real joy.

I don’t like my facade. It has become like an old item of clothing: once a favourite – familiar and safe and yet if you really look at it, it if full of mothballs, scruffy and musty. I really need to throw it out, “thanks for you help mate, but it’s time for you to go.” It’s time for me to feel.

So it’s not humility that is hard. Being emotional is how God created us. It’s our resistance to feel,and the deep hold we let our facade and addictions have in our life. In the end we have the choice to change it, as we do with everything in life. It is our desire, our will to make it happen that creates the change. So far, I feel my desire has been half-hearted. I have made fear my God and fear weaves a web of denial and lack. Fear keeps me from love.

I am sorry, to all those who offer me love and I keep it at bay through my fear. I am sorry I do that to you and I am sorry I do it to myself. My facade has a firm hold and it cares not about Love, but about maintaining itself – at all costs. But I don’t want to give in to it: chip by chip; brick by brick; wall by wall it will come down if I really want it to.  I believe in Love – not the love the world has shown me , but a love my soul understands exists somewhere. I believe in a life with so many more possibilities than the facade can ever offer us.

Humility isn’t hard, my facade is. Humility offers freedom, fear a prison. Humility takes us to truth and to love, not to pain and suffering. Humility is one of the biggest gifts we can give ourselves. It is the biggest gift I can give to myself: all of me.

Maxine Bell

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In Search of the Real Self: Cracking the Shell

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Jesus has a great analogy of our three selves. He likens us to an egg and for me that image works really well. The beautiful golden center is our real self: the wonderful true self that God created, the one we are trying to discover in our physical incarnation. The egg white is the hurt self: that part of us that is damaged from the environment we are brought up in from conception. The shell is the outer layer, our facade self: the part that is firstly created by our parents and environment and then developed by ourselves. It is the part of us we create to survive, the part created by the suppression of our real self and hurt self: the suppression of our emotions. It is this part I am focusing on today as it is this part that is the most heart-breaking for me at the moment.

But first, the real self. To be frank, I know very little about the real self. I have some intellectual understanding from the Divine Truth teachings and my own hopes. It is the part most connected to the soul God created me to me: my true personality, my true desires and passions and the part aligned with God’s love and truth. Very few of us discover our true selves in our physical incarnation because currently and for thousands of years now we just haven’t developed in love enough: love as God understands, not the human version. Our real self is hidden just like the yolk of an egg: hidden deep in the core, unseen until we crack open the egg, let the shell break and the white ooze away.

The white of the egg, so to speak, the next layer of our selves is the hurt self: the damaged, wounded child mostly. It’s the damage we inherit, the damage done to us by our parents and others in our environment, and we can build on that damage by not acknowledging that hurt child, ignoring her and acting out from this hurt place. This lost child is full of pain so it can feel a hard place to go. Why do we need to relive it, we ask. We don’t, but we use this fear to justify not letting her have a voice. As adults though, we can provide a safe place, a loving permission for her to express and feel all that locked up emotion without actually reliving the events. Yes it will feel overwhelming, but it will set us free. I haven’t got there really. I have cried over events from my past, but so far it’s mostly tears over the effects, rather than crying about the cause. The adult me thinks she protects her by keeping her locked away, too scared of being overwhelmed with emotion. And sadly, I have got very very good at locking her up. I have been listening to the Divine Truth teachings for nearly three years and sometimes I have felt I was on The Way, but the truth is I have listened to much and understood a lot with my mind, with the odd flash into my soul. I feel very much I have heard Truth in these teachings, but The Way is an emotional journey – it needs to be felt, experienced because the change happens in our soul and our soul is emotional, and our soul is connected to God, and God is emotional. I find it a beautiful concept, but one so different to what I know: it is a huge shift. Yet, at the same time I am very tired of the old way, the way mostly managed by my facade.

So we come to the shell, the mask, the facade. Well I listened to a talk on the facade about 18 months ago and I don’t think I really heard a thing. I know the meaning of the word, but I didn’t get it and now I finally know why. The recent teachings on deconstructing the facade were like a big bell ringing in my ears: I got it! Well much more than I ever have. Weird really as I believe it was my facade which prevented me from understanding it before. Our facade is created from wanting to avoid the pain, from the moment we are not accepted as our real self, in our real emotions, by our parents, our facade starts to be created. We start to become the person our parents want us to be, our teachers and the rest of our world wants us to be. This facade is about fitting into the world, surviving. We become the person our parents are happy with to avoid punishment and judgement. Very sadly, we lose touch with finding or knowing our real safe as layers of hurt develop from this rejection of our self and the building of facade we believe necessary for survival.

We don’t even know how much we are living as a facade and we develop it further as adults: developing many facades depending on where and who we are with. One for our parents, one for our lovers, our friends, our work. Most of us even accept we have a facade for work, and one for our family and some friends, but we often believe we let our real selves out with our long term friendship and love relationships. However, our facade permeates every aspect and every relationship. I had, like alot of us, a childhood where my emotions were suppressed and I was punished if I did not conform to my parents idea of being a “good girl” and on reflection, I see my facade was developing from a very young age, and as more events occured, the more I buried my real self and my hurt self. It deeply saddens me to see how much and thick my facade is.

So what is the problem with the facade? Jesus describes the qualities of the facade as insensitive, unaware, false, controlled, untrusting, dishonest, insincere, illogical, unemotional, immovable, thoughtless, irrational, reckless, irresponsible and careless. It loves compulsion, addiction, resistance, manipulation and coercion: it loves cruelty, nastiness, meanness, arrogance, condescension and superiority. It is the main cause of our unloving actions. Do you recognise it’s existence and influence in your life? in this world? Yep! It’s pretty unpleasant, dark, even tragic that we are so far from our true self, from Truth, and from Love, real love.

All week I have been reeling a bit from the realisation that it has been my facade keeping me from God; from feeling my hurt self; from knowing my real self; from knowing Truth and from feeling Real Love. The facade cares not for any of those things. The facade cares only to keep it’s addictions met: to have it’s own way. Mine is controlling, minimising and untrusting. Mine controls my emotions and tries to control my environment and other’s in it. It pushes me to follow compulsions, to do anything to feel good and avoid the pain inside or search for the real me. However, the feel good of the facade is temporary, relying on the quick fix of addictions. It is the greatest con artist and the reason for much unhappiness and unloving behaviour. It’s our dark mate, disguised as our friend. It sucks away the life in us, we age and shrivel. Pretty awful stuff!

But my goodness what a discovery: this truth. The walls of my facade are thick, containing many bricks, but  I plan to knock each one out. It will be the hardest thing we do in our life, says Jesus, deconstructing our facade, but the most rewarding. Once a crack in our shell appears, our hurt self can ooze out and we can start to taste the golden yolk of our real self. Therein lies our true joy and therein we can connect with our true parent, God, who is patiently waiting for us to want to know him, to receive her love and receive all of the gifts he has waiting for us. Knowing God, knowing ourselves, finally experiencing real love, free from addictions is where our true life is, our real happiness and the transformation of our souls into an ever expanding wonder of the universe.

As far as I can see, there is no other way. This all makes so much sense to me. Why? Because it is SO different from other things I have tried or studied: because it is SO different from how we live in the world now, how we know ourselves – that way hasn’t been working and the world is now in a dark place. I want something different, for myself, for the human race, and for this beautiful planet. So I am about to start the most difficult thing I have ever done: deconstructing my facade. I have been feeling it this week: it’s heaviness, it’s rigidity, it’s addictions and habitual behaviour. I can see it rears it’s ugly head in my writing, interferes with my expression. It feels like a heavy tight suit, some thing like a straight jacket. It restricts me and I don’t want to be restricted. It keeps far away from love, and I want to find out what love really is. It lies to me and I don’t want lies anymore – I am looking for truth. It pushes and shoves me and I don’t want to be pushed, I am tired of trying. I want to connect to God, even though I don’t really know what that will mean yet and I want to experience love with my soul mate and know my whole soul.

So here I stand: knowing very little about love or truth, not knowing who I am. I am confused, but at peace with being this way as I have faith it is all to be found and even though I may have given up on God for most of my life, he never gave up on me and I have a teeny bit of faith knowing God will be more a wonder than I can imagine. Thank goodness there are some who are The Way – Showers. They give me hope and faith this is really worth trying and not listening to my facade – I have some faith in myself.

I want to become a Divine Angel: a healed human, feeling God’s love all the time. When I feel this I can see rainbow colours and lights in my third eye: it looks pretty cool. Just putting one foot forward….. and one day I hope that foot will belong to my real self only.

BEING A SLAVE BY ROBBY

Today I am going to share a poem Robby wrote a few weeks ago. It is beautifully written and sincere. Like me he has written from a feeling and then let it evolve.  When I saw it I was moved by it and the look on his face. Both of have issues of self worth from our childhoods that have spilled out into our adult lives and our subsequent actions from that wounded space: we weren’t really made to feel we had any passions or desires, like alot of us….very sad.

But, I also had another emotion come up… “Oh no this is a good poem, but I am the writer…. I am not good at much, but writing I am ok at. It took me 30 years to even admit to anyone I had this passion and now my soulmate is writing well. I am disappearing again….agh I am not good enough”   Panic! A huge fear came up, I felt threatened. What an unloving thing to feel about your soul mate. One minute I was moved and proud of him, the next I was caught up in my own fears which have led me to conveniently forget to post this until now. Yukky stuff, yes? Often we can admit how unloving we are to ourselves in our injuries, but less easily how we can be unloving to others.  My fear of being nothing, my belief I will never be good enough made me unloving to the other half of me! 😦 Robby and I have experienced this so many times, when our addictions and fears hurt the other. To be truthful about is painful and shameful. So much of the narrow path yet to walk… but a blessed path it is too.

So tonight, I finally had some humility and thought “Deal with your insecurities Maxine! Just feel it and don’t project it out or avoid it and POST the poem!”  In fact I know that God’s law of attraction will gift me the opportunity to feel even more if I do and for Robby to a chance to receive and share.

Sorry hun it has taken me so long….. Here is your wonderful poem, the rawness of your heart:

 

slavery

 

BEING A SLAVE

BY

ROBBY JACOBS

I don’t deserve the way I feel

Being, wondering, searching in the mists: it feels so surreal.

Everything around me feels and looks the same,

Pounding and beating myself, I have no-one to blame.

Why does it hurt when I feel ashamed.

Ashamed about the darkness running through my veins.

Bitterness, revenge, hatred, all being so cruel,

I just need to feel these feelings, like there are no rules.

Please, please, please hear me if you are there,

Please notice that I am in real despair.

All I see is darkness, I need a way out,

I don’t even know who is listening, while I scream and shout.

I scream, I shout, til I can no more,

Holding onto anger, falling, crying on the floor.

Howling, crying, releasing those tears.

I don’t know what is happening, not feeling any fears.

This my child, is where I exist.

You will find me there, when you stop resist.

I am here for you in all my glory,

I am here for you to tell you my story.

Feel, play, dance and know it’s safe,

Free your emotions, don’t be a slave.

Free yourself from all your restrictions,

Observe yourself when you are acting out addictions.

Take the time to admit the truth,

Your fears are stopping you, from experiencing my truth.

I tell you, my child, it is ok to feel,

Experiencing my love, notice I am real.

Now go on my child and experience life.

Go on my child and remember it’s safe

To free yourself, from being a slave.

I never heard a voice so sweet.

Caring, loving, not stamping his feet.

I never felt a love so pure,

Knowing that love, being my cure.

I wiped my tears, feeling loved and seen.

I wiped my tears, feeling blessed and serene.

Standing straight, facing myself

No more despair, accepting myself.

For the wounded child I became,

Feeling and knowing I don’t have to live in shame.

Step by step, day by day.

I ask God to guide me on my way.

Trusting God will always be there,

When I feel moments of total despair.

 

 

 

JUST SOMETHING SIMPLE….

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If you have remembered love that is very good…
A love that grows from within, without expectation is very,very good….
It will take you far from hell…

But if you have forgotten your heavenly parent.
As a being, an entity, the creator of us. ..
If you can’t call for Gods love
You have limited yourself to the path of natural love…

If you choose a far greater love…
To ask and receive God’s love…
Then your path is endless…
Up and through the celestial realms,
Living in a continuous flow of your parent’s love…

Do not be afraid in the brilliance of this light..
Do not run from such deep, unconditional, true love…

Without God we are human…
With God we can be Divine Angels,
As only her love can transform our souls….

Call for Gods Truth…
Call for Gods love…
And you will find the strength to change, to feel, to heal.
You will find the True Path of True Love…

Popping the Cork..

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It has been a few weeks since I wrote. I have felt uninspired to write or pursue any other passions, like painting, dancing or the kayaking I have longed to try. I have been so flat and it happened out of the blue. Even writing today feels like I am pulling a heavy stone along with the keyboard: a dense weight is in my system that I didn’t understand until a few days ago. If you follow my posts you will know that Robby and I have a personal spiritual journey: soul journey and we feel we have a found a teacher who really understands God’s truth: Divine Truth. There is a ton of free talks and other resources on their website ( see the links page) and I have been listening to FAQs on the human soul. These talks contain incredible knowledge and I suddenly am getting an understanding of why I feel some things, but hardly anything of the deep causal emotions in me. These are the emotions that create change in our soul when we feel them and release them: when released they open a window for us to receive Gods love if we desire to. These are the ones I have really found hard to access. I understand many of them on an intellectual level. I can recall certain events in my childhood that created them. But feeling them? NO! And getting frustrated or judgmental about not feeling them only blocks the flow further.

We can often believe we have the desire to feel things, but if we did, it would just happen. The truth is I must not have the desire or will to feel these emotions. If I did, I would feel them. This is just fact. The fact is I am terrified to feel these strong emotions, to be overwhelmed. I am terrified of my anger and afraid of the level of my fear and in denial about how deep my grief may go…. and there is not just one causal to clear. It is the same for many of us. From our birth we are blocked from expressing our soul, from expressing full stop. We learn very quickly that to express our emotions can lead to punishment, being ridiculed or humiliated. Our parents do it because it was done to them and so forth. Without judgement, observing an everyday event, I noticed a young mother on the bus with her baby last week. Every time it wimpered the dummy was put in her child’s mouth: it was silenced. I also felt how self conscious she felt if the baby made a noise, as though all eyes were on her and at times many were. I see it in the street too, a toddler yells, people stare and whisper, judging the mothers ability to keep her child quiet. We don’t like the noise, but we are terrified of the emotion. This shutting down of our children is acceptable and is even considered good discipline by the parents in our soceity. Despite outward changes in family life I observe the old belief that children should be seen and not heard running through family life, education and soceity.

In some families this becomes more extreme, where the parents lives dominant and the child is made to feel unloved, unseen and unheard. In mine, there was so much drama going on around the adults in the house, we all felt secondary and fairly invisible and unimportant. It may not have been deliberate but it just was: a sad and painful was. I quickly learned to silence myself. I created a cocoon to protect myself from anger and abuse. Of course it was an imaginary bolt hole. I still experienced the violence and chaos of my youth and sucked in all the emotions and much of myself to please my mother and the other adults around me. As a young adult I continued with this habit and now am an expert at sucking it in, maintaining “control” and avoiding those deep pains. But it has become exhausting. I am tired of the weight I feel in my body, on my shoulders, in my neck and hips. I am drained from holding in my emotions: stuffed full with pain with little room for  joy or love or my passions. It hurts. It hurts bad.

Jesus explains we need huge amounts of humility, desire and will to feel our emotions, especially if we have suppressed them all our life. Two weeks ago my guides gave me a cartoon picture in my third eye. It was me with a narrow topped bottle stuffing in what looked like enough cloth to make a hot air balloon. I was stuffing away trying to keep this “balloon” from escaping. So when I have believed I haven’t had enough will to feel my emotions, that I need to build up those muscles of my will I was shown I have enough will, but I need to change where I am using it: from an unloving ( to myself) suppression and resistance to my emotions into a more loving and freeing feeling of my emotions. I need to use my will to set myself free. I have wasted so much energy resisting and rebelling against my true feelings and nature: it makes no sense. In fact, on reflection I know this holding on to my emotions made me ill in the past.

Well it makes no sense any longer for me. I have listened to how my soul works and I get it all intellectually, but these last two weeks some of it has been hitting my soul; suppression, resistance, presence, dominance. The talk on suppression really hit me and I felt how pointless my suppression was, I felt how tired I had made myself and now I pray and will myself to change this. I am still terrified and unsure of myself in this process, but I know what I have heard is truth. I know God wants this for me and I want this for me and I want to want it more. I do not wish to continue how I lived in the past and present: imprisoned in fear, trapped and caught up in addictions to stop feeling the fear. I know my story: we all have one. Much has happened to us, but it is not permanent. We can change this, we can change ourselves and the world we live in. We can do it the long way: still rebelliously independent from God or we can do the short way with God’s love to help us. The short way may take 20 years, but its better than another 47 years like this or another 1000 years doing it on my own.

I know now that I lost my passions a few weeks ago when I suppressed another emotion. When I shut down one emotion (a painful one) in my soul I helped shut down the rest. So tonight I had to use my will to write: I had to feel how it felt when I tried to write. In the use of my will and my feeling something shifted a couple of paragraphs in as I felt the truth in my soul of what I am learning and experiencing in trying to follow The Way of God’s Love. I felt the passion for that truth and I felt my love of writing, of words, of language, of self expression. This weekend I may paint. Its been too long since I played with the colour palette and pulled out all my boxes of “Stuff”: bits of fabric, paints, glitter, threads, wool, fur, and so on.

Opening up to our passions is one way to feel again. As we allow a feeling, we allow more. God created us as emotional beings: an expression of some of his qualities. This world is emotional. Look at the incredible detail and beauty of nature, of life and our response to it. Who doesn’t sigh at a beautiful view? Who doesn’t feel it stirring something in their soul? In those moments, we feel awe, wonder, love, gratitude, and maybe even a sense of knowing our Parent.

I now know I must do what I can to feel, anything and everything; watching out for my automatic shut down. I do not yet comprehend what it is to really feel. I do not yet comprehend what it is to really love and be loved. My soul knows a little truth, a little love, but I have kept it crammed mostly full of pain. I am now choosing to shift my will to relieve myself of this pain, to learn to experience joy. For now, I am a strange concoction of resistance and fear sitting alongside determination and occasionally love. All I can say is thank God it is God helping me. I am a tough nut to crack so bringing in the big guns really is the only way.

I apologise for the lack of flow in my writing, but at least I wrote because I wanted to. On a final note I want to share a post I saw that inspired me to write tonight. A post that demonstrates the love, imagination and playfulness of our Creator and Parent, but also reminded me I can play too, that I am part of that loving creation. I saw the flowers, I laughed, I felt, I got to see a fragment of God’s love in a photo. Take a peek at these amazing images: what I am calling “The heART of God’s Love.”

http://pulptastic.com/16-flowers-that-look-like-something-else/

With love

Maxine

THE EXPECTATION OF A SEQUEL…..

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I have been thinking how difficult it is to come back as Jesus and Mary Magdalene. There are SO MANY expectations and projections to face, so many misrepresentations to fulfill, so many stories to correct, so much hate and judgement to face. To come back really is such a huge act of love and courage that mere words can not express.

So let’s look at what they have to face:

MARY MAGDALENE

Mary has 2000 years of projections and judgement about her as a whore: sidelined, pushed aside, judged by the church and its followers.  She has been ignored as Jesus’ Soul Mate and wife because of some false belief about religion, sex and virginity. God and therefore Jesus are sexless in the Church.

Her own role as teacher of The Way pretty much ignored… only recently coming to light through the Gnostic Gospels. Unfortunately, even the Gnostics, though beautifully written, feels full of embellishments, more expectations, intellectually out of reach at times for many. Jesus talks of At One Ment with God, the moment when a human is fully healed of emotional injuries and can receive a continuous flow of Divine Love. The Gnostics talk of the Bridal Chamber which may indicate this At One Ment but has also become a metaphor of Sacred “Sexual” Union. I have nothing against loving sex, in fact sex with our soul mate is how God intended it to be. Unfortunately, this term has, and ironically considering the projections at Mary, be used for tantric experimentation, even with those who are not our Soul Mate.

The new age spiritual movement, which encompasses many belief systems: a kind of exotic casserole, where you can pick out the bits you like, to grow in natural love. Here Mary has been expanded into an energy, a consciousness, a series of codes even, part of the Isis lineage, a goddess and the mother of a special bloodline. Many, many versions of her story have been written and channelled. Her status as Jesus wife reinstated, but expanded, twisted, embellished to suit other’s idea of her, to fit in with their own version of spirituality. The intention may be loving, but anything that isn’t truthful isn’t God’s way of Love: it is natural love ( our version).

Many claim they channel her and many claim to be her.  And believe you me, I also was attached to idea for a while that I was connected to that Magdalene/ Isis lineage. I loved some of the books I read about her. Since I was a teenager when I had a calling to let Jesus save me, joining a Baptist church with passion for nearly two years, I had felt something special about Mary Magdalene: I knew there was more to the story than what the Bible was telling me. So later on the extra bits I read and heard of appealed hugely. Many spirits and good intentions from friends in the physical world fed my need to feel special. Of course, what I needed to feel was how un-special I had always felt, but I am glad the illusion couldn’t and didn’t last too long because I wanted authentic me more than I wanted to be a priestess of Isis. Over time I felt more into what was true, prayed for truth and then Divine Truth entered my life. But for some its hard to let go of that…. it is very convincing and it is easier to feel special, to consider you may be a starseed, a light worker, a descendent of Jesus and Mary, than to feel how small you feel inside, and to admit maybe that just discovering the wonders of incarnating into this physical world and then spirit, being one of God’s children, is actually enough. But what is it like for Mary? She has come back as a good old Aussie girl… somehow this doesn’t quite match up to the grandeur of these tales. Well that is how it seems. Now that I have watched her teach and grow on her own healing journey ( through the videos and meeting her) I think she is one of the most, if not the most courageous woman I have met. She will blush at this, but its true: she is and I truly admire her guts.

She has to deal with all of the portrayal of her being a strong, highly evolved being beyond the average human: a great being; almost a demi- god who genes and energy stretches far and wide. Even if this were true, it is how it is perceived and translated that leads to misinformation and and unwillingness to really know her for who she is.

As a woman she has represented our strengths, the qualities we would like, as well as the wounds we want to heal. She helps us feel beyond our own sense of powerlessness and smallness. The new age spirituality uses her as a badge, an icon, a brand.

A thousand or more expectations and pre-conceived ideas. To shatter the illusion of Mary, whether good or bad would be to shatter our own dreams, hopes or untruths and for many that is too confronting.

JESUS: (Yeshua ben Joseph)

Jesus only has a little thing to live up to: as God’s only son, as saviour of us all if we will receive him. A whole religion, with dozens of different branches has sprung up from this teaching. Ironically it is that same church that has altered and changed the truth of his life in the first century many times. In fact it was over 300 years after Jesus’ passing into the spirit world that the church under Constantine decided to gather in the council of Nicea and declare and interpret Jesus’ teaching: to form Christian doctrine. They declared Jesus as “one true God in deity with the Father.” Suddenly Jesus was God. In a way as he has become the “friendly face of God.” As Christianity also embraces much of the Jewish Torah and Old Testament stories where God is portrayed as vengeful and judging and angry and from those qualities fairly unapproachable, the Church managed to produce someone more comforting and comfortable. This allowed them and us not to confront these untruths within and based the Church on fear, not love. When for me personally, Jesus has always been about Love, and about God as father/parent. Even when I was part of the church I felt this.

So not much to live up to: Jesus was God, expected to be perfect and with the weight of the world on his shoulders: to save us all; to help us admonish responsibility and accountability. The Church’s doctrine was almost governmental: controlling, disempowering and fear-based. Ideal for keeping the masses quiet. For Jesus this must have had its tough moments. He came to teach about the God’s Way of Love: to show us all that we are all God’s children and can all be what he became and more, by the use of our own will and humility. Jesus suggests we become close to God, not make Jesus God.

Then there is the book of Revelations where Jesus is expected to return on a cloud on the day of judgement and reign for 1000 years. During this time, all those who were  “saved” by him will be doing ok and everyone NOT. Again heirachy, specially chosen: this is not the teachings of Jesus I know or logically accept now.

He is expected to perform miracles, to save us, to save those who chose him as God: the special ones, who believe he has wiped away all their sins. He is meant to be virginal and celibate, unmarried, his humanity, his sexuality denied. I used to ask alot of questions when I was in the church. It got me into trouble a few times! But I would think logically: so why did God make us sexual then? Why create a heart longing for love to then ask us to alone? Why would the church describe Jesus as meek when he had the nerve to stand up in an occupied, very unstable country and confront them with God’s truth about Love? If we just think logically we will find many inconsistencies in what the Church has decided. I know there are many in the church who genuinely desire to know God and be a better person, but I believe God gave us thoughts and feelings to help us find our own truth and its ok to question.

The new age movement, as it did for Mary, also did for Jesus: returning the idea of their marriage, soul mate relationship and his sexuality. However, he is made into a father of a sacred lineage and in some books I have read a Tantric master with more partners than just Mary. This being done in the name of the sacred seed needing to be sown. Why would God need to do that? I had to ask when I read that. But that is the point in much of new age spirituality: much of it avoids the issue of “God.” God is declared a consciousness, universal energy, spirit, guru and many other things. Of course much of this is because of the false beliefs about God being pretty scary may have put us off a bit. We want Divine, but not God: that’s going to bring up lots of emotional issues.

Likewise Jesus has become an ascended master, an avatar, sent here on a special mission, Lord Sananda. He is seen as a leader of a council currently helping those of us awakening to ascend to a higher dimension. There is a thread of truth in this, for me, as I believe he is back here to try to teach us again Divine Truth: just maybe not from a space ship as is often said.

Again many claim to channel him and some to be him. He is idealised and in some cases, idolised. No wonder so many of us can’t believe he would come back as T-shirt wearing Aussie and Mary too, open in their vulnerabilites: both still healing and doing once again the journey to AtOneMent.

But despite all these expectations, hopes and addictions, they have come back. I didn’t decide this straight away: I have had to tackle many of my own expectations and mostly my fear of getting it wrong and making a complete fool of myself. But the more I listen, the more I allow my heart to hear truth, the more I am truthful about  my own emotional injuries, the more I accept, at first intellectually and then with my feelings that they are here again. Nothing, no teachings have touched me like this and no two teachers have I seen before that are grounded, humble, courageous, loving and giving. And the truth is they don’t need me or anyone else to tell them who they are. I know my own name, so I am sure they know theirs.

The irony is they are still some of the greatest teachers who has walked on this planet, shame to miss out just because they don’t doesn’t fit OUR perception of what they should be. Yes it’s confronting, yes what they teach is confronting, but why wouldn’t it be? The human race is a bit of mess, so there may be a number of things we are getting wrong and not understanding… and if we really want to be the change then we should really be open to anything that might take us there. At least to listen, to read, to consider before we dismiss something or someone.

Jesus and Mary don’t need me defending them: that is not what I my intention is. I wanted to just consider the difficulties of coming back and saying you are Jesus and Mary Magdalene. It is truly incredible they are here again.  The truth is for too long we have accepted other people’s view of the world and of ourselves. Feels to me if we don’t start questioning some of this, we will never really reach more truth or find a way to change. So yes it is going to be confronting, but sometimes we need a good shake up and now seems as good a time as any. If we follow their example ( because that is the point – they live what they teach) with courage and humility, we really can change the world. I feel this deeply in my soul. So just considering what coming back has meant for them, what a heaven they had to leave in the 36th sphere as One Soul again, is very humbling and actually beyond what I can really understand as I am still crawling my way through the first sphere. Such a gift of Love and a pure expression of God qualities too.

Many of us believe this is an incredible time: it is.

If you were interested in knowing more, both Mary and Jesus have answered many questions on their identity on their youtube channel: Divine Truth FAQ: https://www.youtube.com/user/divinetruthfaq

Maxine x